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Difference between girl giving things back vs throwing away


Xin

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If a girl and I break up, why would they try to come contact me, talk with me, and give back the stuff I gave them? Why not just throw it away? Personally, if particular items are causing my grief over an ex, I just burn them or toss them. However, I've encountered a couple situations where the girl will try to come to me after a break-up, and have a talk, and give me the stuff I gave them back. What's the difference vs just throwing it away?

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because to some girls, giving the stuff back is like telling their ex "FU" (at least in their minds.) It's basically making a show over the fact that they want no memory of you, for you to watch and take note, instead of just doing it in private so that you would never know. In other words, it's a plea for attention. For you to take notice that they are "over" you. (Yet the fact that they are going out of their way to show you that...well... sounds like you are still on their mind, actually. In what ways, though, I don't know.)

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because to some girls, giving the stuff back is like telling their ex "FU" (at least in their minds.) It's basically making a show over the fact that they want no memory of you, for you to watch and take note, instead of just doing it in private so that you would never know. In other words, it's a plead for attention. For you to take notice that they are "over" you. (Yet the fact that they are going out of their way to show you that...well... sounds like you are still on their mind, actually. In what ways, though, I don't know.)

 

Ah, the ever contradicting mind of the female. Got it. In my current situation they also said they wanted to have a short talk with me. I denied them that, too, since I don't really want to see them.

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That is a bit sexist... not all women are contradictory.

 

Sorry about that, males contradict themselves, too. Well, everyone contradicts themselves, so it's not really surprising when people do one thing with a certain intention but really have another thing in mind they don't know about.

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That is a bit sexist... not all women are contradictory.

true, i definitely didn't mean to come off that way (i did say "some.") I did take it, though, that this girl was a bit on the more immature side considering this is something I would have definitely done as a teenager or in my early 20's.

 

I do think I have the right idea behind her mindset, though

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When I broke up with my ex, he asked me to give him SOME of his stuff, the stuff that he knew I would like to keep, and most of it wasn't even his.

His friend (our mutual friend) for example gave me a keyboard he wasn't using so I can play, and my BF wanted it back for some crazy reasons, mostly just because he knew how much I loved to play and he wanted me in pain.

And in the end I just gave him everything, and I mean everything. If he left his toothpick at my place I would bring it back to him, because I wanted it all gone.

Its not a show. At least not in every case. If she would be screaming, throwing it out from a window - then its a show. Its a ritual and if you give it all back there is a zero chance you will someday stumble upon his sweater (or else) and break down crying. Burning it all is the same ritual, just different way. And it depends on how you broke up and who dumped who.

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I think its depends on the situation and the individual.

I don't think its necessary to go out of your way to give things back if the other person obviously doesn't care.

But i do think it has to do with closure. Like larlequin wrote above...its a way to finally close the chapter. Yes, throwing it out or burning it is one way...but if the items are expensive, the other party may want it back.

 

I had an opposite experience as you in that I was dumped and he went and threw out my personal belongings that i left at his place. To me that shows disrespect. Throwing out gifts is one thing but my personal items?

I guess that's a whole other story........

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After my breakup, I threw out most of it. I gave back one gift and it was not with the intention of manipulating him or trying to make him feel guilt. I gave it back because I knew how much effort he put into finding it for me, and even though I definitely didn't ever want to see it again, I couldn't bear to see it end up in a landfill somewhere by my hand. He can do with it whatever he wants, it just felt disrespectful to toss such a wonderful gift just because he didn't want to be with me. So I guess it was just easier on my heart.

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I have a pile of my exes stuff that I keep hidden. He has not asked for it so I guess I'll just keep it somewhere. I needed my clothes from his so he made an effort of finding everything he could to put in that bag of mine from around his house-I specifically said, just the clothes for now but he made a big deal of it and said "You're stuff is everywhere" in an annoyed tone. And put a candle I bought, a hat I gave him, a towel I gave him...This man broke up WITH ME. My friend got my stuff because I did not want to see him. He was apparently a mess and teary. Then he texted me informing me of the exchange and listing the other things I would need to collect at a "later date"-I had already said I did not want the other stuff he mentioned-they were gifts. There is still a few of my things there but I just don't want to talk to him. I don't know if he'll ever ask for his stuff. I just don't want to talk to him when he's clearly emotionally crazy at the moment-he is very angry at me on the phone-HE dumped ME. And all I said on the phone was "I think you're making a mistake" in a calm although sad tone.........ughhhhhh. Why does he dump me when he is clearly not happy about it. Because he is mad. Sigh

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