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how should i proceed with my ex?....


fxsxtxr

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to not go into all the details of the relationship and why we broke up. my girlfriend left me 2 months ago. she packed up and moved out of our apartment within 2 days. she started seeing someone else within 2 weeks after breaking up with me. i did all the begging apoligizing promising to change etc. all it did was push her even further away from me. i tried to be friendly and contact her friendly not bringing us up. she told me she needed time away from me before we could try to reestablish a relationship. i kept texting her and after 2 weeks of not getting any responses from her i decided to respect her wishes and not contact her. after a little more than 2 weeks she sent me a text asking if i was still alive and how i was. i responded with i was ok and asked how she was .she said she was ok and then never responded to me again. after 2 weeks she magically showed up at my work picking up food. she saw me and called out to me. we talked for about 5 minutes about how things were. she gave me some money because she owes me money for back rent(i didnt even ask for it or mention it). she told me she was going to continue to help me out with rent and bills(weird to me because my experiences are exs dont care). 2 days later she showed up at my place. she said she was in the area and wanted to grab some stuff out of the garage. i told her ok go ahead. she asked if i was going to come outside with her. i asked why, she said she doesnt know. because shes used to me following her outside(i always did this when we were together, whenever she went outside i went outside to smoke). so i followed her outside. she was done in about 5 minutes and i was like. ok...id invite you in but i gotta get ready for work. she responded with well, if you dont have time its fine but if you do i can come in and talk for a bit. ....so i gave in and let her come in and we talked for like 15 minutes just about stuff. her daughter what shes been up to etc. we loosely made plans to get together in a week so i can see her daughter, who i adore and she adores me. i had to kick her out at this point because i had to leave for work. ...i didnt hear from her again until thanksgiving(6 days later). she sent me a text in the morning saying happy thanksgiving. i didnt respond until later at night when i asked if we were still getting together the next day. she responded and said ya. we can get together for lunch. so...the next day we met up at a restaurant. had lunch..talked, chatted.

 

during the lunch she got a text from the guy shes seeing. he wanted her to come visit him at work....she seemed annoyed. she actually said in an annoyed voice "yes dear"(which made me think if everything here was going good with them)...during the lunch my best male friend was texting me. she asked why and i told her because he doesnt think we should be hanging out. she got irritated and was like. why? why cant we be friends? its none of his business! if we want to be friends we can!

 

since the lunch ive texted her a couple times asking questions about stuff. like a website she uses for car parts and etc. nothing relationship related and she has responded to me. today my landlord has started threatening me because im late on rent. so i sent her a text and told her. she called me almost right away. talked to me for like ten minutes and told me she can give me a couple hundred bucks next week and that she is going to continue to help me to get caught up and pay rent until the end of the lease.

 

now. if anyone has read this far thank you very much

but. how do i proceed? i still have very strong feelings for her and from all this it seems to me that she still has some sort of feelings for me. if she didnt i would think she would tell me to go screw and not contact me and offer to help me out and be willing to hang out etc.

i know if i push too hard or text her too much right now or even mention getting back together or how i feel for her it will push her back away. so whatever i do i need to do it slowly.

and please dont give me the old forget her. move on. stop contacting her. im not ready to throw in the towel and move on just yet. maybe in the future if nothing is happening but im not there yet

any advice would be greatly appreciated! and thank you very much!

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She's getting what she wants from you. If you really want her to feel the full impact of her decision disappear from her life.

As hard as it will be on you, based on her actions, it will be hard on her as well.

 

People have to accept and realize the consequences of their actions. Getting a timeout in the corner doesn't mean you still get to play sit-up-seven-up and grab snacks with the other kids if you want. Breaking up with someone doesn't mean you can still "be close friends" and get your emotional needs met by someone you decided to give up on.

 

If anything I say NC for a couple months then very LC from then on out. LC will let them know you're around but not in the way you used to be. It keeps the door slightly ajar should they want to take advantage of it. Don't wait for them but don't let them walk all over you either.

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Yea it sounds like she wants to keep you as a friend. I really don't know what to tell you. Either she is keeping you on stand by if she can't find somebody Better or things don't work out with new dude. Or, she lost romantic feelings for you. As far as this new dude it sounds like he was in the picture before y'all broke up. If I were you I would put my foot down. Tell her you love her but you can't do this friends deal while watching her with other guys. If you don't then there's no telling how long she will string you along without nothing happening. You deserve all of her not jus half of her. (Friendship and lover i mean) God luck!

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Aarrrgh ... not your fault I know but it really bugs me when people say "and please don't tell me to move on etc etc". What choice do we really have, especially in your situation where she is seeing someone else? Telling you to hang on to her and to stay stuck in the unhappy place you are now is not going to help you in any way and it certainly isn't going to help bring her back.

 

Bear in mind that moving on (or at least focusing on moving on) won't stop your ex from coming back if that is what she wants and, to be honest, if anything is going to give her a kick up the backside and make her realise what she is loosing then watching you move on (or having the knowledge that you are moving on) will be it.

 

If you want your ex to realise what she has lost then she has to feel a sense of loss. She isn't going to feel that sense of loss if you are still there in her life, at her beck and call. For her to feel a sense of loss you have to disappear from her life totally and let her experience what life is like without you. She is either going to embrace it or hate it. That means NC. If she embraces it then things were never meant to be anyway and she would have moved on whatever approach you took.

 

Whilst in NC there is nothing stopping you from focusing on yourself. If she comes back, great, if not ... well by the time you realise she isn't coming back you would have already made significant steps forward.

 

Right now there is no point in letting yourself be friendzoned. You are relieving her of any pain or sense of loss she may feel and are actually helping her in her quest to make these new changes in her life.

 

So NC is the only answer whatever outcome it brings.

 

As if often said on ena ... NC is a win/win situation.

 

So NC it is then, right?

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As regards the feelings your ex still has for you ... I would say that she is still fond of you and misses the friendship and companionship you once shared so she is letting go of you slowly .... as she finds her feet ... but letting go is still what she wants to do.

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