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I dated a girl for 3 years, my first real relationship and first love. Everything was great for lets say 2 and a half years, at which point I noticed things changing. She didn't want to hang out as much, was very irritable and tired, etc. She claimed the reason for this was that she suffers with depression. She explained to me that her depression is genetic and not brought upon by any life events, and that she just gets depressed now and then for no reason. Occasionally, we would have a really good day together, but most of the time her depression took over.

 

Then, 2 months ago, her depression got very bad one night and sent her into a panic attack where she could not breathe. She went to the hospital but everything was ok. The next day, she tells me about it and says "When I was in the hospital my family asked if they should call you, and I said no and I realized there is something wrong with that" and that was the basis of her dumping me that night. We did lots of talking the following day, and she said the reason for the breakup was that she didn't feel loved or special, but after seeing how upset I was, it showed that I loved her and she decided to give me a second chance. This was only on the condition that I would change and make her feel more special. We got back together, and I took her out to dinner and the movies a few times. My parents left town 3 weeks ago for a weekend and we had the house to ourselves. We watched movies, cuddled and played games and that was the first time in a while she seemed truly happy. I thought everything was great. But, as time went on I noticed her depression creeping back up. She only wanted to see me once or twice a week, and was in a horrible mood when we hung out. She was even saying things like how she sees no future with us. We decided to mutually break up, and she left my house saying "call me when you want to be friends"

 

For 3 days, we did not contact each other. Then I broke down and texted her begging to get back together, which did not go over well. I have been texting her every day since, and nothing is working. I met up with her yesterday, which I thought was a chance for me to win her back, but she said she only met up because she knew I would keep nagging about it if she didn't. She said she has not cried once since the breakup, and what really hurt me was that she said she has not felt depressed at all since we split. She jokingly said that I "cured her", but then admitted it would come back some day.

 

The reason for her not wanting to get back together was that she did not love me anymore. I keep asking that if I did things differently after the first breakup, would we still be together? And she just says "I guess we'll never know". This leads me to believe that if I simply would have taken her on more dates, bought her flowers, etc. that we would still be together and happy now. I want a chance to prove this to her but she won't give it to me. I even explained that I know she loved me and that she can love me again, but her answer is that she doesn't want to. I am so confused because just one week before the breakup she was leaving me notes in my room saying "i love you". My last hope now is to stop contacting her, and wait for her to come back to me which I don't expect to happen. If anyone has any advice here is would be greatly appreciated, sorry for such a long post.

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Getting back with her is out of the question, as she has made it very clear that she does not have any feelings for me any more. She met up with me tonight (first time I've seen her in a week) which gave me hope that maybe I could save the relationship, but she said she only did it so I wouldn't be nagging her about it all night if she didn't.

 

No, I don't think there is a chance based on what you said in another thread.

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I'd say she sounds VERY confused and since she has now 'admitted' she doesn't love you that way anymore and keeps breaking it off.. I suggest to leave her be now and respect her wishes.

 

It will be very hard to do- BUT the less contact etc, the better... for YOU.

Am sorry to hear of your hurts...

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I guess what I'm worried about is that I'm giving up too soon. Then again, there's not much else I can do.

 

Btw both of the quotes in your signature are great, I'm tempted to send that second one to her but I'm going to hold back.

 

You have done all you can, i think it mades sense for you to just hang low and let both of you get used to being alone. I think you need to take a step back and deal with your emotions, because begging isn't helping your chances.

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Ok, number 1 - her depression may be affecting her, and her choice. If that's the case, just take this chance to make a clean break and run as far away as possible. My parents have depression, and it prevents them from ever taking action to be well with themselves. Instead they think their depression is situationally induced, and they are not to blame. They are miserable and do nothing to help themselves, and if you stay with her, she won't do anything to help herself either. She will drag you into her hole. Your girlfriend will blame anyone but herself for not being happy, that is not someone you want to be with. It will ruin your self esteem, and right now that is exactly what you're chasing after - HUUUUGE turn off. She probably has zero self esteem, but by breaking up with you, and by you crying about her is boosting her confidence. In other words you are for once making her feel good about herself, because you acting like a she is a godess. Stop it.

 

Be a man, accept what she is saying, stand up for yourself and your right to be happy. Right now she is acting more masculine than you, and it's obvious she doesnt want to be with you, you're acting like an emotional little boy/girl. You think your begging is making you look like a man, I can guarantee it's not.

 

Sending her flowers, complimenting her, telling her you love her will only make you look more needy, and right now you are not coming from a position of power, you're reacting from weakness. Best thing to do is tell her you love her, and want to be with her, but you accept it's over and your moving on. Wish her the best and walk. Do not give her the idea she can come back whenever she wants, as you are no better than a door mat now. Is that who you want to be? Pick yourself up, be a man and move on. Maybe she'll come back, but honestly, I dont know if you want her. Maybe you can be a better boyfriend in the future, but women say they want flowers, compliments etc, which isnt true. They want a guy to be a man, make her feel safe, loved, romanced and feel like they have a great catch. Acting needy is not the behavior of a great catch.

 

Rediscover your power my friend

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