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Found him cheating with the Internet..


Miragesong

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I am 18 years old and my boyfriend and I have been dating for the last six months. We've dated before, almost two years ago, but we broke it off because A) we both needed to grow up, and B) he entered a new relationship when I thought we were still trying without telling me.

 

I've put all of this behind me, but it is a very real part of our history together. So, the other day I was borrowing his laptop and stumbled (and please don't accuse me of snooping) accross a conversation on Skype. He'd told me that he'd had problems with talking to girls on the Internet before. Intimately. He even confessed to doing it after we'd gotten back together. After this confession, I told him that this wasn't something that could go on in our relationship and he promised me that he'd stop. But a month ago he had a sex-oriented conversation with a random girl. This included video.

 

I told him what I'd found and he said he caved to the addiction but hadn't since then. I believe him on that. Or at least I truly want to. If it were cut-and-paste simple, I'd hate him, we'd break up, and that'd be the end of it. But that's not the case. I still love him like crazy and its killing me.

 

I don't need or want any advice of "you should break up with him." I need help on how to cope. And heal. I want to forgive him and learn to trust him again. If any of you have been through this kind of betrayal, I'd like to hear how it played out. I just feel so alone and confused and could use some help. He really "F"'d up. But I'm not ready to let go just yet..

 

Thank you for reading at the very least.

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I am 18 years old and my boyfriend and I have been dating for the last six months. We've dated before, almost two years ago, but we broke it off because A) we both needed to grow up, and B) he entered a new relationship when I thought we were still trying without telling me.

 

I don't need or want any advice of "you should break up with him." I need help on how to cope. And heal. I want to forgive him and learn to trust him again.

 

The one bf who has cheated on me in the past, we broke up. Now with a non-cheater.

 

Sometimes the best course of action is the advice we don't want to hear.

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Your 18, youve got your whole life ahead of you and you dont want to waste it ob some untrustworthy, cheating liar who will crush all your self esteem and turn you against men for life. Don't listen to his excuses or his lies. Get out now. Theres plenty of guys out there that you can trust and your only young once. Dont waste it

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I don't need or want any advice of "you should break up with him." I need help on how to cope. And heal. I want to forgive him and learn to trust him again. If any of you have been through this kind of betrayal, I'd like to hear how it played out.

 

I want to think maybe you're joking, but that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach says you aren't. All I can tell you is go get yourself some form of counseling and therapy to find out why you'd insist on staying with a cheater and tell people not to advise you to do the one thing that we all, yes you included, know is the only solution that in the long run is going to make you happy and not have a guy who cheats on you. If you insist on staying then know and accept that you have a guy who has no intentions of ever being faithful to you, so either demand an open relationship where you are both free to pursue other people and then do that and accept that's what the relationship is or don't and you leave. He won't change, why should he? You get angry, but you never leave him and he knows it, so he has zero reason to ever change.

 

Having been there and having ignored/stuck my head willingly into the sand twice in my life over cheating behaviors with the men I was with how did it all turn out? Simple, I was miserable with each of them until the day I walked. After that, following the brief period of grieving the end of the relationship, life was so good without them that to this day all I can do is look back in amazement and wonder where my head was at, at the time. Up my butt I suppose. At any rate you need to examine why you're putting up with this behavior if it makes you so unhappy and no, it's not love that keeps you there. That's just what you tell yourself to justify the fear you feel every time you think about not being with him. So maybe you should be examining what that fear is and how to defeat it instead.

 

BTW as an older woman I am going to tell you straight up whether you want to hear it or not: love doesn't conquer all, love doesn't mean you have to abase yourself and be a doormat either. You can love someone and still choose to toss them out of your life and walk away and be all the better for it and happier too.

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What you told about him screams "cheater" in every line.

And he will continue to do it behind your back as long as you stay with him, because you allow him to.

If you want to forgive him - forgive him. But be ready to do it over and over again, because he wont stop for you or for your relationship.

 

A) we both needed to grow up, and B) he entered a new relationship when I thought we were still trying without telling me -- guess two years changed nothing really, since these two problems are still your problems. He has to grow up and commit if he wants to and if he claims to be in a relationship. And he needs to stop being involved with other girls IF he wants you to be his girlfriend.

 

You need to grow up too - stop forgiving him. He has no respect for you and he keeps hurting you.

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