Zero dating experience - first date went great but not sure if it's still "on"

[davzi]

Hello internet gurus of dating wisdom!

 

I'm a 22 year old male with absolutely no previous dating experience. Two months ago I met a girl at in my masters course and I immediately fell for her. We started to hang out a bit, visited each other and so on. After about a month I took her to see a movie, but didn't really call it a date. Nothing else happened, but we had fun. Things were moving very slowly, mostly because of my lack of experience. My friends told me I had to make a move, kiss her, do something..

 

So I straightforward told her I really liked her and wanted to take her on a proper date. She said she thought the movie was already a date. That she's really busy with school at the moment so she doesn't know how much time she'll have on her hands. I'm leaving the country next summer, so she also said she's afraid what would happen then, because long distance relationships are hard. Otherwise, she was up for it.

 

So I ended up taking her to a nice restaurant, we had a great time, held hands, talked, laughed, I walked her home and we kissed when we said goodbye. A short kiss, but it was nice (and on the mouth!) And it was both sided too, wasn't just me trying to kiss her! She smiled and looked happy and we even texted each other a kiss good night. So I'd say the first proper date went great! I certainly went to sleep happier than ever. The next day, we texted a bit, nice and fuzzy stuff.

 

Problems began when I asked her if she'd like to come over for dinner and a movie at my place sometime this week. She said she was really busy and she probably couldn't take any time away until christmas... This was a bit of a shock to me. True enough, she IS a very hardworking student and she DOES spend her days studying. And she often sas she's busy and ends up coming anyway. The next day, she was really slow in answering my texts, didn't answer some of them at all. She had an athletics race and told me in the evening that she's extremely tired and feels like crap.

 

So tell me, am I overreacting? I really, really like this girl and I don't want to lose her so quickly! The date was on friday, saturday and sunday were just texts. So I have no idea what could have changed from the perfect date that left us both smiling at the end! I don't think I did anything wrong with the texts... I'm not into the dating games and techniques, I prefer to be honest and just show affection when I feel like it. Don't worry though, I know when it's overboard and starts getting creepy....

[davzi]

So my main question is: How did I get from floating on a cloud of fuzziness to being worried? Is it because of the two days of sitting alone in my room or do I actually have something to be worried about? And if so, how do I fix it? Or did we break up for no reason before it even properly began...?

[pippy longstocking]

I don't think you are overreacting from your feelings , because you have had fun , want to date , want to see her again and get something going ..so from your side of the fence this must be frustrating ..

 

but from her side she is actually just living what she told you to start with

 

That she's really busy with school at the moment so she doesn't know how much time she'll have on her hands

 

so in one sense you are already on different pages , so I would think hard if you do want to pursue it , because this may be all she can ever offer ...the choice is yours .

 

also , the invite round to yours may have been to intimate for her right now , it may be something she isn't sure she wants to go with because again , she is unsure of how much time she can dedicate to you .

[pippy longstocking]

So my main question is: How did I get from floating on a cloud of fuzziness to being worried? Is it because of the two days of sitting alone in my room or do I actually have something to be worried about? And if so, how do I fix it? Or did we break up for no reason before it even properly began...?

 

what I read is she is busy busy busy ....you are not ...I don't think you have broken up , but I say again ...this sounds like it may be what life with her will be like .

[davzi]

She's been at my place before. And we've seen a movie basically cuddling on my bed. Well, not really cuddling but with our shoulders pressed together... And sort of petting each other - we're both a bit awkward. So i think it was more of a problem of it going too slowly, because I just couldn't build up the courage to make a proper move. As for the work part, everyone can take at least a day off every week. It is true we're very busy at the moment (we're on the same course after all). But still, she'd always say she has work and in the end she'd come when I asked her. So I can't see what's changed... Well, I'll see her tomorrow anyway. Not sure whether our dating is supposed to be a secret or not. Should I ask her? She's never been shy about telling our classmates that I invited her over for dinner7movies...

[davzi]

It's more that I'm an easy going student who somehow manages to get good grades anyways, because I'm really good in the lab (we study biology). She's a hard working earnest student. I can live with that, no problem. As long as that really is the case! My female best friend said that she'd never say no to a guy she liked just because she was busy. But I suppose different people do things differently.

 

My friend told me that she may be testing my indecisivenes...

 

Thanks for the reply though I'm slightly less worried now! She's really my perfect girl otherwise - geeky and all!

[milly007]

Not only does she sound busy, but could she also be reluctant to get involved with you because you're leaving next summer?

[Sportster2005]

It's more that I'm an easy going student who somehow manages to get good grades anyways, because I'm really good in the lab (we study biology). She's a hard working earnest student. I can live with that, no problem. As long as that really is the case! My female best friend said that she'd never say no to a guy she liked just because she was busy. But I suppose different people do things differently.

 

My friend told me that she may be testing my indecisivenes...

 

Thanks for the reply though I'm slightly less worried now! She's really my perfect girl otherwise - geeky and all!

 

I don't think she's testing your decisiveness.

 

If a woman says she's busy it means one of two things. She's really busy, or she isn't interested. If she's really busy try not to hound her. That will only make matters worse. If she keeps saying she's busy and doesn't offer any date or encouragement she isn't interested. That's the way it goes sometimes. People can turn on a dime early in dating.

[davzi]

-Should I ask before I try to kiss her in public? True enough when we first kissed it was basically in fron of her housemates... And asking such things is hardly romatntic!

[davzi]

Not only does she sound busy, but could she also be reluctant to get involved with you because you're leaving next summer?

 

We sort of talked about this and agreed the summer was a long enough time away that we'd worry about that problem when it actually becomes a problem. Point is, everything is great, one could say we've been dating for much longer, it's just been made official now. Wouldn't she say if something changed? Especially if things were going really well and nothing at all changed...

[milly007]

Well, it's only been two days since your date on Friday, so give it time.

[Sportster2005]

-Should I ask before I try to kiss her in public? True enough when we first kissed it was basically in fron of her housemates... And asking such things is hardly romatntic!

 

NO never ask. If you do hand in your man card.

[mfan]

So my main question is: How did I get from floating on a cloud of fuzziness to being worried?

Because you're dating! You've always wanted to know what it's like, and this is what it's like Dating is a combination of euphoria and worry, but at least now you can say you've experienced it firsthand.

[davzi]

So I guess it's normal then?

 

Saw her today, went well I suppose. She didn't act any different, we sat together during all the lectures, talked, laughed, did some work together. Touched my forehead to hers while we were working and she didn't pull back, which is good I guess. I asked her if I really couldn't convince her to lay off her work for at least one evening and she said she may take a day off on friday. She often says maybe and ends up coming anyway, so I guess that's good too. We ARE quite busy now that I think of it. We hugged when we went home (somewhat clumsily, but that can't be helped now), but I didn't feel comfortable with doing anything more. She even texted me a good night.

 

So by all logic I'd say we're still doing good? I'd probably know if she lost interest, right? Unless she's a player, which I know she's not.

 

I have this feeling that I should make a more decisive move... All the advice i ever heard agrees that a girl can get tired if things drag on for way too long. can't seem to get the chance though.

[davzi]

I thought it would all be fuzzy and happy once I got through the first kiss stage...