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One month since b/u. Pangs of loneliness


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Coming up on a month into being broke up by my ex. I had discovered she had overlapped me with another relationship and within this month got engaged to my replacement. After gathering all my stuff and some minor no contact snafus we haven't talked in a good 3 weeks. I was snooping on FB for a while and seeing she looks happy nd has truly inserted someone else in my place. I guess it hurts cause I get left with all the " work" healing and she just pushes forward like nothing happened. Been experiencing the typical steps to recovery. No longer really sad, but there is a lot of bitterness, regret, and anger. More recently too, I'm just very lonely, I just want to find someone to hang out and talk to with but I'm such a relatively introverted person, not only is it difficult but I also don't know a lot of people. My focus now has been me, I really need to get on top of my life.

 

Any people out there have stories of just being low in a lot of aspects of their life and coming back to turn it all around successfully?

 

Part of me feels I'm doomed to always be in a funk. If not in love then financially, if not financially, then at work. Just feels like I can't get a grasp on things or get out of my own way.

 

Any help is appreciated.

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The only way out is through.

As you clearly aren't ready to date yet, put that last of your life on the back burner. Focus on connecting with the friends you do have and being more social. Pick up a new hobby.

 

Focus on work, and make a 3 year plan work/career wise. Figure out where you want to be by then and then figure out what steps you need to take to do that.

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Try not to FB stalk again... The thing about FB is, people only put the good out there so if your feeling blue, it's like-- f! I am a loser.

 

I don't have any great success stories and I know what it is to be lonely-- especially at this time of year. But come on, dude. It's life. Relationships end, new ones begin. Right now you are just in between what just happened and what will happen next.

 

Unfortunately, we will all always have some adversity in life. I have found when work is doing great, my personal life is a mess and vice versa. If its not one thing it's another. But that's life.

 

Try to focus on what you want to happen... What would make you happy and how you can get to that. Chin up... It can't rain forever.

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Uuuhh....seriously? Good riddance. First of all, she is a giant emotionless B-word for stringing you along when she was interested in someone else. Second of all, if she is getting married a month after you guys broke up...she has some serious co-dependency issues. She is going to carry all her problems with her to the next relationship without going through the pain/reflection thats necessary to make us stronger people (Like what you're doing). Trust me on this...her marriage won't last and if it does, it'll be dysfunctional. You're lucky you got out when you did.

 

And like Lambert said...NO FB stalking!!!! You're just hurting yourself more and prolonging the healing process. Your too good for that. Time to confront this crap head-on and get over her. Grow from this experience so you won't be doomed to fail. Your dream girl is still out there waiting for you. Don't make her wait any longer than she has too because you want to fb stalk some crazy chick that is not worthy of your time.

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Thanks for the words of encouragement. I missed a lot of flags toward the end of the relationship. Cubbybear you make a point that I failed to see, she was very codependent, whether with me or her parents. I have a feeling she has a slight touch of bpd. I know I'll move on and heal. Glad to have support on this board.

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Totally co-dependent. It stems from her not being happy with herself and needing validation from others. That's what happens with these types of people. Instead of taking the time to reflect on the broken relationship, address their demons, and improve themselves...they jump from one comfortable thing to another. It's a unhealthy pattern and she is doomed to be unhappy and bring others down with her until she fixes it. Be so glad your out of it, brother. You're doing the right thing...taking the hard road by healing properly (aside from FB stalking) and improving yourself. You'll be a much happier person for it in the long-run. Always here for you if you need to talk! Stay strong.

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Chin up... It can't rain forever.

 

I wouldn't be so sure in my case. I did the worst thing you can do; kept it to myself for years... she died in a car crash along with 3 other girls coming back from an afternoon out buying my birthday present for the next day, she rang me and was on loud speaker, tried to find out who was driving so if she was driving I'd end the call but then there were deafening screams and then a big bang and silence. Been blaming myself for years.

Slowly working away at it 5 years later.

 

 

Wish you the best man. Don't let it eat away at you, get back out there and start having fun. forget about facebook, not logged onto mine for years!

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Thanks again you guys. Fitnessman... I can't imagine that scenario. Sorry for your loss my man. I imagine there is a struggle with guilt there. Though I've never been in that situation I do know guilt. It can be a vicious emotion that tears at the soul. I hope you have come to grips with it and have tried to move past it.

 

I know my happiness lies out there and I know the only person responsible for it is me. Thanks again

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Yeah dude there's a lot of guilt. A lot. Worst thing is even the police couldn't tell who was driving because they were all thrown out of the car, 1 thing's for sure that they weren't wearing their seat belt. But still, I don't know if she was driving or not and that's the main thing that is/was eating me up and of course, there's no way to find out.

 

I had so much guilt that I didn't want to have all the fuss when I'd tell someone she died so I decided not to tell anyone, including family. Then when people started asking about her I said she'd moved away for a while.

 

I don't celebrate my birthday anymore which has annoyed the girls that have came close to a relationship with me. It's changed me and to top it off, I know if she could talk to me again she'd tell me to stop being an idiot throwing my life away.

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