Really anxious and down, need someone to talk too.

[spiritbrite]

I don't really know where to begin. I'm just feeling down, and anxious, pretty anxious. Alot of me feeling down stems from me missing my boyfriend, and my computer breaking down recently. I have little to do at home aside from read and watch movies until I can buy a new one at the end of this month. First of all, I am going to say that my boyfriend is incredible. He has done a million nice things for me, and he is very sweet and loving, and wants to propose to me this coming summer. Today (we were doing questions back and forth) he asked if I would be willing to do a three some with a mutual friend (if we had one.) And I called him, and said No, that's not okay. I was very upset about it as wev'e talked about it before, and he felt supperr bad about it. He said that he is happy with just having me, that doing that is not a necessity it was just a question (sometimes we ask sex questions.) He told me he wanted to get off the phone and have some space because he was upset at himself for hurting me.

 

I just feel really bad, I love him, and he thinks hes a terrible boyfriend when he means the world to me. He's caring (I was anxiety and depression and I'm very sensitive) honest, very kind, and goes out of his way for me all the time. HE has wanted space lately because we talk alot on the phone but everything else is fine, and I just feel anxious and sad tonight. I have virtually no one to talk to about this, I have a few friends but they are unreachable at the moment.

 

I feel bad because I over react and I have anxiety that I cant control. I know I can be very touchy feely and I need to give my partner space. I think I call and text too much. I have been making an effort to do that, but will make more of a conscientious effort to do it now.

 

Any relationship anxiety advice, or general advice about this would be very appreciated, thank you

[Rmbrmelover]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I understand people make relationships what they are. I'm see there are couples out there that are ok with threesomes, others are not. I know I'm a one woman man myself. I can only trust you when you say your bf is an amazing person and hope your mind isn't clouded by obsession or unhealthy love. If you truly know he loves you, I would simply be upfront and honest with him. Ask him what the appeal to having s threesome is? Is he not satisfied with your I intimacy and physical relationship? Or is it just a male psyche fantasy he's trying to setup?

 

I guess if he wants space the best thing to do is respect that decision and do your best to focus on yourself. Personally I know if I had a girl who wanted a threesome I'd have to seriously rethink about whether this person knew me well. I know a ton of men who have the male fantasy of course but like I said I'm a one woman man and I would hope to know whether my significant other was on the same page as me early on in a relationship. I'm sorry for your pain. Focus on you for a bit, if its meant to be he will contact you and you can reaccess things then.

[Thorshammer]

Usually women i have dated with anxiety and depression avoid phones and texting too much.

 

There is a lot of emotions flowing between you both, emotions will level out - and logic will take-over and things should hopefully settle.

 

For some women - bringing up threesomes is funny or they dont care, with some women - their insecurity or principles feel threatened and they lash out - no one is bad or good in either situation.

[spiritbrite]

That is true, no one is good or bad in either situations. I think that I am just overly sensitive, and my anxiety comes in to play. I just hate that he is so upset at himself, and Im worried

[Thorshammer]

That is true, no one is good or bad in either situations. I think that I am just overly sensitive, and my anxiety comes in to play. I just hate that he is so upset at himself, and Im worried

 

Well, he should know what hes dealing with. He either stays and handle it, or its too much for him and he leaves. A line was crossed that made you feel uncomfortable so you stood up for yourself to make sure this discussion or daydream doesnt pop up again. To be honest, i would be mad if a girl mentioned that to me, i would have all sorts of thoughts.

 

And being sensitive and caring is a plus- if thats your thing, but also having the strength to come back and shake those 'not so good dates and talks and situations' is another plus, if you are scared he doesnt have it, then maybe he cant handle you and isnt worth it after-all, because i hate to break it you, anxiety or depressed- things like this does happen with us humans when we interact and learn from each other. You put in the effort to chill a little more next time (talk more logically than blow up emotionally), then he should put his own work in to not pout and need space (i dont know any women who didnt freak out on me when i told them i needed space after an argument, so you aren't alone- THEy ACTUALLY get mad at me for it, at least you let him have his space).

[shelty24]

This would be a deal breaker for me. I agree with the first poster that your either fully into monogamy or your not and his request shows hes not.. that would be enough for me to dump him. You can stay and be an anxious, insecure, nervous wreck if you want or you can leave and find someone on the same page as you who you trust fully

[spiritbrite]

This would be a deal breaker for me. I agree with the first poster that your either fully into monogamy or your not and his request shows hes not.. that would be enough for me to dump him. You can stay and be an anxious, insecure, nervous wreck if you want or you can leave and find someone on the same page as you who you trust fully

 

He is completely okay with not doing it. That is why he is upset because he knows how much he upset me. Im not just going to 'dump him.' This is the guy who would drive up to Pennsylvania from Kentucky in the middle of the night for me if I got lost on the greyhound bus getting to him, who would talk to me any time of day or night if I was sad or needed him, who bought me a tshirt he knew i would love with the very last of his money, and who stayed up until 11AM to talk to me when we had a tiff the night before. He feels terrible about it, and I overreacted. And that's how it is.

[spiritbrite]

As I said in one of the other responses to this thread, this guy would do anything for me. He's awesome, and I don't take it as pouting...he gets really upsets if he says something that hurts me and beats himself up. He's been there for me every time, and we have talked about my anxiety and depression and he just wants to help me and be there for me. We are both sensitive and caring, and it helps extremely when the other is upset (about anything, external issues, family etc.) I do need to chill about these kinds of things, and not let myself get too upset, that is a fault of mine. As far as needing time alone...its never a thrilling thing when your partner says this, but I think as long as thet person needing time alone is communicative and will not shut the other person out, time alone is fine and healthy, and that is why I have no problem with him having his space when he asks. I think one of my favorite qualities in him is how communicative he is