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Third Date Confusion - Can you help?


Caconfused

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Hey there, enjoyed all the posts here. Would love to get some insight here, especially from the ladies.

 

I met a 29-year old online.

 

1st date was wine, we had a great time and an awkward kiss. We texted about it, making fun of it. And somehow we ended up date 2.

 

(Before Thanksgiving) Great time, 4 hour date, and we made out and held hands at the end of the date. She even texted me after telling me how much fun she had. I had to go to the restroom and asked if I could at her apt, she said no her bathroom was a mess.

 

Yesterday - I picked her up at 2:30, and we went to a Craft fest, quirky stores, dinner. Halfway through the date, I noticed not a ton of affection so I took the initiative and swung around and kissed her. She was a little startled, but settled in. She was the one that ended it. We got ice cream, went to play darts at a bar. We laughed a ton. She would lean in on me, but never really kissed. We walked her dog at night, she grabbed my hand. At the end of the night I suggested hanging out, she said her place was a mess from unpacking (from Thanksgiving). Again, we kissed, a little tongue. Still felt like she ended it sooner than it needs to. She hugged me and said "I had a great time."

 

On one hand, I'm like.. we spent 10 hours together. On the other, I'm like, this is the third date and wasn't super affectionate... esp compared to the fun we had. Am I being weird? My gut says something feels a little off. Am I being paranoid?

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It could be she is nervous, unsure how she feels, or maybe not quite ready to start dating and kissing a new man. It seems promising that she texted you she had a good time after your date. I understand why she wouldn't let you in to use the bathroom - it's a common ploy by guys to make their way into the bedroom. I think just try taking things slow and don't pressure her!

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3-4 months ago is not a terribly long time for getting over an old relationship. She's likely hesitant because she's not yet comfortable again with dating. I acted a similar way when going back to dating, and not being terribly affectionate and I was 5 months out of a 2 year relationship at that time. She probably needs to take it slow and maybe things are going too fast for her./

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You might have come accross a bit physically pushy, too much too fast. The whole asking to come in twice....eh....I wouldn't have let you in either. As said above, too many guys try to weasel their way into the bedroom once you let them in the front door. Since she doesn't really know you, I can see why she backed away from that. I mean think about it - she's only seen you two/three times in her life and you are trying to invite yourself into her house. For all means and purposes you are still a complete stranger, some dude she met online. Sounds like she is interested in getting to know better, but is not the type to leap into bed with a random guy she's only seen a couple of times in her life.

 

Anyway, if she wasn't interested in getting to know you, she would not be wasting time going out on dates with you. It's as simple as that.

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I understand why she wouldn't let you in to use the bathroom - it's a common ploy by guys to make their way into the bedroom.

 

The girl knows too much

 

OP she sounds like she is sitting on the fence a bit. I would back of just a bit. It might seem counterintuitive. But if a woman is hesitant and you come on too strong they'll hop away faster than a white tail deer.

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The girl knows too much

 

OP she sounds like she is sitting on the fence a bit. I would back of just a bit. It might seem counterintuitive. But if a woman is hesitant and you come on too strong they'll hop away faster than a white tail deer.

 

Yeah, that is what I am thinking. One issue I have is that I am leaving to go out of town on Friday for a week. Do you think that I should ask her out before I leave, or just sit back and wait about two weeks to see her again?

 

I have not contacted her since our date yday.

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i think you should ask to see her again before you leave. that way she knows that you are still very interested in her

 

i think she is just moving slow because she is unsure about you. if she is accepting dates then most likely she is interested enough. in the meantime, stop asking to hang out at her place.

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LOL, I won't. The first time I honestly had to go to the bathroom

 

Now I just need to figure out when to ask her out. No texts between us since last night.

 

What do you think, Sportster?

 

I think you should ask her out before you leave. I don't think that's being too pushy. Waiting two weeks might make you look indifferent and not interested. This will safely put the ball in her court.

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Thanks! I'll probably text her tonight and get the conversation going. Didn't hear from her Sunday, the day after our date.

 

UPDATE:

So I asked her to hang tomorrow after she beat me in Words with Friends this morning by texting "Lets hang tomorrow. Might be the last time you see me since I'll probably freeze to death in Chicago."

 

She replied.

 

"Oh, I really have to study like crazy, I kind of decided just to hermit between now and my test. It's in 8 days and I'm not ready at all."

 

I replied "No biggie, hope you kill that test."

 

She replied "We could do something little?"

 

I replied "Sure, that's what I was thinking since I have work tomorrow."

 

So I guess I need to figure out 'little'... Sounds like she's still interested since she came back with an offer.

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  • 2 weeks later...

UPDATE:

 

I took the advice on this forum!

 

We went for coffee and ended up shopping. Had a great time. Kisses at the end of the night. I did not try to let myself in.

 

Then I left out of town for a week. It's so odd, we ended up talking for at least an hour for 3 days straight while I was out of town.

 

I got back into town and had our 5th date last night, a movie, followed by some bar hopping.

 

There was hand holding and very light affection. We kissed and hugged a little at the end of the night at her door step.

 

Although I really like my time with her, this feels unnatural to me for two 30 year olds. I've known her for a month, and I haven't even been in her apartment. All affection is very light compared to the amount that we talk and interact. I'm sleeping with most girls by the second-third date (although she isn't most girls.)

 

Am I being a backup guy or nearly friend zoned?

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I don't think 5 dates/a month are enough for someone to invite you to her apartment. I certainly don't. Also, the fact that you talk and connect between dates doesn't mean it will necessarily lead to sex during the dates. Especially for a girl who obviously wants to take things slow. If you're worried about being friend zoned, just ask her. I think that by now she knows if she's into you or not.

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