Threats after he applied for a home mortgage using my identity

[rose2summer]

Now I'm getting messages my separated husband will destroy my career if I don't write a document up saying I allowed him to use my identity/social security number to apply for a home mortgage and that I will waive rights to the home deed, for a home I've never seen. I requested information from his realtor regarding the home including cost of it, etc. She said she won't move forward to give me anything unless I say they had the right to run my credit and I waive my rights to the home. The real estate agent also refuses to provide me a document, she said I have to draft the document myself and get it notarized. I can't believe she is bullying me too. Who in their right mind would sign away their rights to a separated husband with a pending divorce to a home they have never seen.

 

I feel worried because my husband is trying to sabotage me from getting a job now. My lawyer wrote him a letter to leave my career alone but he's ignoring my lawyer. Don't even know what to do? Him and his realtor gave me a deadline to draft a waiver of rights and rights to use my identity of today or else she said she'll move onto the next buyer and he said he'll destroy my career chances. It seems like narcissistic behavior to me and that if I cave in to protect my career, he'll take it a step further He also has someone following me everyday immediately after he picks up our baby for his custodial time. This person circles in front of my house and waits and when I leave, they pull up right behind me and make every turn I make.

[Lambert]

I am not an attorney, so I what do I know? But this has to be illegal. I would call the realtors manager. Don't sign anything! And I would also file a police report so it's documented-- both the following and stealing my identity.

 

Protect yourself!

[Iggy5129]

Go to the police. Show them the threatening messages. Tell them about the realtor and the person following you. You can get a restraining order against him.

 

My guess is he is bluffing. How can he destroy your career? He's going to call your boss or potential employer and tell them you're a bad employee? They will think he is crazy (which it seems he might be). He has no right to use your identity. You are getting divorced. Do not cave to him. These are empty threats.

 

He is showing you that divorce is the right choice. Hang in there.

[annie24]

Rose - i'm happy to see you back here, but not under these circumstances. Why did you ever marry this man in the first place? I agree, you need to go to the police, and talk to your lawyer as well. You need to get far far away from him.

[amipushy]

Go to the police. Show them the threatening messages. Tell them about the realtor and the person following you. You can get a restraining order against him.

 

My guess is he is bluffing. How can he destroy your career? He's going to call your boss or potential employer and tell them you're a bad employee? They will think he is crazy (which it seems he might be). He has no right to use your identity. You are getting divorced. Do not cave to him. These are empty threats.

 

He is showing you that divorce is the right choice. Hang in there.

 

I agree. He is scaring you and its working. Get yourself a copy of 'The Gift of Fear' . It may help you work out if his threats are real or if he is just trying to scare you.

link removed

 

Do not sign anything. Your career isnt important, he is just pcking on something he knows is important to you. Dont listen to him. Besides, you can always, ALWAYS pick yourself up and start again someplace else when this is all over.

 

First things first though, contact the police and get the ball rolling.

 

If you do feel that you are in real danger, be prepared to do a runner in the night and protect yourself and your child from harm.

[DancingFool]

And you are asking for this document because? I sincerely hope you are not thinking of signing anything and aren't playing games yourself.

 

Anyway, as for the realtor, contact the state licensing board and file a formal complaint. Let them take disciplinary action against the realtor.

 

 

 

Your husband can't really destroy your career. Nice scary sounding threat but no dice. Employers are very good at ignoring bad divorce history, not only that, but if you alert them ahead of time, they will likely help you out and take some protective action against any potential harassment at work, etc. You are not the first person to be going through a rough time while divorcing and certainly not the first employee by any stretch of imagination. Don't make his threats out to be more than what they are. He is counting on you to get scared and yield. Don't do it.

 

 

 

Call the cops next time this happens. Get the car description and license plate if you can.

 

 

Also like to add that you need to stop messing about with this identity theft nonsense and press criminal charges against him. Where is your lawyer in this? He should be helping you do this unless you are refusing.

[metrogirl]

I'm pretty sure if you call 911 and tell them someone in following you around and you don't know who it is, the police will put an end to at least that part.

[annie24]

I don't understand - if this guy is so rich, why does he need your income to help get a mortgage?? this is all very strange.

[rose2summer]

Thanks everyone for the great advice!

 

Hi Annie! I should have never married him but he threatened me that if I didn't kiss my future job goodbye he helped me get my last job.

 

Now I'm jobless because of a very bad pregnancy where I had severe medical problems/hospitalizations and grabbing at straws for another job he is threatening. He is threatening my career by saying he'll give me bad feedback, he's an upper level, and write a bad letter of recommendation for me. He's a pathological liar.

 

I called the police yesterday about being followed. They said to call them next time it happens so they can show up. I confronted him about having someone follow me yesterday and he had a huge smile and nervous laugh and asked me if I knew who it was and if I got their plates. He seemed so guilty. The guy yesterday was following so much he almost rear-ended me when I stopped.

 

I told him I was going to file a police report for identity theft/fraud and he made me feel so guilty saying that he would never see his son again and that would destroy his career.

[rose2summer]

Annie, I think he's hiding assets somewhere. He recently applied for dual citizenship, changed his name, and mentioned opening accounts outside the US. He is applying for the mortgage under his old name, but he legally changed his name, so definitely fishy.

 

He's also not supposed to buy a home with community assets per the court, so he has to buy a home with a low down payment, and the realtor claims they require my credit as just a check to see my debts, but she seems dishonest.

[rose2summer]

The fact he legally changed his name one day before the separation hearing is just strange.

[annie24]

Hes an ex husband. He can't even write a letter of recommendation for you. Rose, you are so smart and pretty, but lacking in common sense. I don't know why you hitched yourself to him. He manipulated you before and he's still doing it. You need to break the cycle. Unfortunately, you have a child together so he can use him as leverage and he will. I recommend speaking with your lawyer, the police, and also a battered women's group. Hugs.

[annie24]

Ps I'm really sorry about your health problems but they can't fire you over it.

[DancingFool]

...STOP talking to him and telling him what you are doing, what you are going to do, etc. The only "conversation" should be your lawyer talking to his or the cops arresting whoever he has stalking you. Stop contact with him. When he is picking up/dropping off your child, do not say anything to him. If he wants to talk, refuse. Tell him to contact your lawyer. Ask your attorney to arrange supervised child drop off if you feel threatened or troubled.

 

Once again, his threats against your career are nonsense. So what that he is high up in the company? You have other people who can write a letter for you. You can also tell your next employer the situation and ask them not to contact your present employer. Again, you would not be the first or the last person to do this. That has never stopped someone from getting a job. Even outside of a mess like this, people routinely will ask for a certain boss not to be contacted because of some issues or fears about unfair job reviews. Again, doesn't prevent people from finding work. Your ex is not some kind of all powerful creature who controls all. In fact, he controls nothing except you through fear IF you let him.

[Moontiger]

Only speak to him through your lawyer from now on. Keep all records of his threats-emails, texts, etc DO NOT TALK TO HIM IN PERSON OR ON THE PHONE. Only communicate in away where there is a record of what is said. If you see someone following you get the plates, physical descriptions etc. Keep the police informed.

 

As for your career, do you think he can actually harm you? I would write to this lady: link removed. Even if she doesn't post your story she will write back to you with advice.

[Moontiger]

The fact he legally changed his name one day before the separation hearing is just strange.

 

I wonder if the realtor is in on what your ex husband is doing. She sounds just as as shady as your ex.

[annie24]

I agree, she needs to be reported as well. Don't let him guilt trip you - if he wasn't doing all this shady stuff, you wouldn't have to report him. Screw him- he's threatening you left and right and now trying to make you feel bad about it?

[browneyedgirl36]

This is all VERY shady. What he -- and the realtor -- are doing is most likely illegal.

 

Call the cops the MINUTE you see someone following you again. Get his license plate number and a description of his car -- and him -- if possible. Honestly, I'd be tempted to get out of my car at a light or stop sign and take a photo of the car -- with him in it -- and make sure he sees you doing it.

 

Do NOT speak to your former husband anymore except through your lawyer. There is no reason at all for you to talk to him.

 

Do NOT sign ANY papers on this house. Speak to your lawyer immediately about this; your ex is pulling a scam. The realtor helping him is a scammer, too. I'm not sure where you are, but in the U.S., there is an association of realtors. If such a thing exists where you are, report her.

 

Don't take his threats seriously. He can't possibly prevent you from getting ANY job, ever again. You said yourself he's a pathological liar. You have to have someone else you can use as a reference. In fact, I don't think you CAN use a spouse -- or former spouse -- as a reference. It would kind of be like putting down your mom or sister as a reference!

 

He's nervous -- he knows you're onto him. Talk to your lawyer -- and the police -- about potentially getting a restraining order. While these do not generally work on people who are truly serious about harming you, they DO work on people who are bluffing, those who are all bluster but don't have the guts/will/means to back up threats.

 

Definitely read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker, as another poster suggested. Lots of sound advice in that book for dealing with stuff like this.

[rose2summer]

Thanks everyone for the great advice.

 

I read it all and spent a lot of time thinking about it and it really makes sense.

 

When he picked up and dropped off our baby, I did not speak to him.

 

I also bought the gift of fear today and I can relate in so many ways.

 

He's still sending me text messages about signing his mortgage documents and saying that my lawyer can explain to me why I should sign them but of course there are no documents he's given me, he instead wants me to draft my own. My lawyer is out on vacation this month so hopefully things will ease up and he'll back down.

 

A part of me feels bad that he wants this house so much and he claims I'm holding him back but at the same time, I'm sure that's a liability I don't want.

[journeynow]

Is his realtor really a licensed realtor?!? This is really amazing behavior and sounds illegal and certainly unprofessional. I would keep copies of ALL of the messages you receive from her and from your ex. (Back up your computer so you have copies.) Report her to your states consumer protection board (find by state link removed ) and/or real estate licensing board or commission (or whomever is in charge).

[annie24]

Yikes, your lawyer will be out of town? Does he/she have an associate you can contact if need be? In the meantime, I agree with putting that lock on your credit/social security so he cannot apply for things using your name and SS#. Be careful with this man because he seems unhinged. I read the gift of fear, it is a great book, and you need to protect yourself and your son and be vigilant. This guy is a user and manipulator and is going to try really hard to pull the wool over your eyes.

[Fushigidane]

Not sure if this has been said, but unless you tell him where you are applying how would he know where to send a bad recommendation?

[Fushigidane]

I told him I was going to file a police report for identity theft/fraud and he made me feel so guilty saying that he would never see his son again and that would destroy his career.

Oh, so his career is too important to be ruined over something legitimate?

Your's is fine to be ruined over nothing though...

[rose2summer]

Thanks everyone. This is really great advice. I am trying to get in touch with my lawyer or his associates.

 

I have made it through half of the gift of fear and it's such a great book!