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i have a boyfriend but i keep thinking about my crush


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Im sorry for the length of this. I'm not the type of girl that cares too much about looks, and i have never really been instantly attracted to anyone based on their looks. But about 5-6 months ago i saw this guy and i all i could think was "wow". I immediately felt really attracted to him. I told my friends about it, and i could forget him even though i had no idea who he was. After a while i saw him at my college, and i haven't forgotten him since. Theres been periods where i've been thinking about him quite a lot, and times where i haven't. I of course found out who he was and i've been stalking him a bit on facebook and that kinda thing. When i se him on the hallway my heart jumps and i just feel really attracted to him. About 2 moths ago i started flirting with one of my guy friends, and he is now my boyfriend. Before we where anything official a had a really hard time figuring out weather or not i wanted to be in a relationship with him. I think he is an amazing guy, but i couldn't figure out if i wanted to be more than friends. I told him that i thought we should just be friends, because i was so confused and because of other things i don't need to get into. One of the big reasons, if not the biggest was of course my crush. I used to have a boyfriend that i've been with for just about 2 years, and after our relationship ended, i promised myself that i wouldn't settle for anyone. The next guy should be someone amazing, someone i couldn't live without.

Anyway. I really really care about the boyfriend i have now and that is also the reason that i asked him if he wanted to give me a second chance just a week after i "broke up" with him. I had not seen my crush for quite a while, and i felt really confident in the fact that i wanted to be with my current boyfriend since i missed him a lot, and because he's an amazing guy and i have so much fun with him. I was really happy about it all until i saw my crush at my gym. He never worked out there before and suddently he was right there in front of me just 1-2 days after i decided to be with my boyfriend. So there we go again, i started thinking about him again. My close friends know how big of a crush i have on him, and i talk to them about it quite a lot. I feel really guilty at times, but i can't help how i feel. I would never ever cheat or do anything that would hurt my boyfriend, but i can't help that i feel this way. A couple days ago my friend saw my crush on his way into my dorm building and i immediately reacted! I took my friends hand and we ran over to the door so i could see him, or perhaps he could see me. I reacted purely by instinct and was a bit shocked afterwards, but we just laughed it off because it was quite funny. One of my problems is that i can't get eye contact with him and he doesn't even know i exist. I'm so frustrated about the fact that i'm so "obsessed" with a guy i don't even know. Im the type of girl that cares much more about personality, so this is really weird for me. I only heard nice things about him, and i don't have a reason to think he's anything else but nice. Yesterday was galla night at my school and we went all the way. One of my guy friends is in the same class with my crush and he knows him quite well. I was outside smoking with a friend when my guy friend walked out to greed us, and guess who was with him. I don't usually smoke, only at parties, so i was a bit frustrated that he saw me smoking because he doesn't smoke himself. We stood in a circle and my crush was talking with a friend while me and my friend where talking to our guy friend. after a couple of minutes my crush went inside with his friend. Later that night we saw them again in the club. It was late and since my guy friend lives in the same dorm as us we asked him if he wanted to walk with us home. My crush was of course by his side when we asked my crush said "yaeh, you just go home with the girls" with a teasing smile on his face. I looked at him with a big smile on my face and said "well, somebody has to do it" and he smiled back. When he left i asked my friend who he was, even though i already knew. Now i can't get him out of my head. I've been frustrated because if i didn't have a boyfriend i would have said something like this to my friend: " wow who was that? he is really good looking" and that way he would find out. But i can't because i have a boyfriend and my friend and boyfriend are really close friends. I have really strong feelings for my boyfriend and i would never want to hurt him, but i can't get my crush out of my mind, and i'm afraid that i'm gonna regret that i never did anything. I have a hard time getting eye contact with my crush, its like he wouldn't really look at me. I also noticed him looking away when i passed him on the hall. He doesn't know me, and doesn't know i have a crush on him.I did catch him looking at me at the galla though, but he looked away when he saw that i saw him. I don't know what to do.

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