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Ex has met someone else after 3 1/2 months


ksm1988

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Hi,

 

I posted recently about going no contact after 3 months which I have stuck to.

 

I went to a quiz night on Friday with family and my ex was there with his new gf or girl he is seeing. I stuck to no contact and did not react even though I was dying inside. It doesn't help that she is gorgeous!

 

I know he has every right to do whatever he pleases, I am disappointed as he told me the reason for the split was because he wanted to be on his own and is too selfish to be in a relationship.

 

I know there is nothing I can do about it, but does anyone have any advice as to how I can break the negative thoughts that I wasn't enough blah blah blah and not let this break me?

 

Any advice welcome!

 

Thanks

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Hi,

 

I posted recently about going no contact after 3 months which I have stuck to.

 

I went to a quiz night on Friday with family and my ex was there with his new gf or girl he is seeing. I stuck to no contact and did not react even though I was dying inside. It doesn't help that she is gorgeous!

 

I know he has every right to do whatever he pleases, I am disappointed as he told me the reason for the split was because he wanted to be on his own and is too selfish to be in a relationship.

 

I know there is nothing I can do about it, but does anyone have any advice as to how I can break the negative thoughts that I wasn't enough blah blah blah and not let this break me?

 

Any advice welcome!

 

Thanks

 

ohhhh ouch ....bless you , and you managed to stay there and finish your night ? total respect , I would have been howling in the toilets like a banshee .

 

regardless of how she looks , regardless that he found someone else when he told you he wanted to be on his own , the outcome is still the same and although it is hard to not take it personally it truly is NO reflection on who you are as a woman , on what you look like or any other self defeating punishment you can drown in right now .

 

you held your dignity and walked away with no fuss , you then spent the evening in the same place as him WITH that girl .... to me that makes you pretty damned strong and a shining example of how we are supposed to behave in these siutations .

 

you have done well please hold your head up high and be proud of yourself darling xx

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No matter what the dumper is telling you, people usually break up because the relationship was not right for them and they want to find the person who is right for them. It really boils down to that. If you are really into the relationship, you don't leave the relationship. That's just not how people work.

 

In my experience, men who love you dearly let you know. They stick with you, make plans for the future with you, etc. They work problems out with you. And they don't leave.

 

You guys weren't a right fit. A right fit is hard to find, but that's what you deserve. It says nothing about your deservedness for a relationship. It must means you two didn't mesh as well as you needed and for you to keep looking.

 

Good luck!

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No matter what the dumper is telling you, people usually break up because the relationship was not right for them and they want to find the person who is right for them. It really boils down to that. If you are really into the relationship, you don't leave the relationship. That's just not how people work.

 

In my experience, men who love you dearly let you know. They stick with you, make plans for the future with you, etc. They work problems out with you. And they don't leave.

 

You guys weren't a right fit. A right fit is hard to find, but that's what you deserve. It says nothing about your deservedness for a relationship. It must means you two didn't mesh as well as you needed and for you to keep looking.

 

Good luck!

 

This ^^^. The fact that you were not a right fit says absolutely nothing about your deservedness and your worth. In fact, whoever choses to leave you is not worthy of YOU and I am not saying this to sugarcoat things. Anything one doesn't appreciate, they do not deserve it. Whoever he choses to spent his time with from now on has nothing to do with you and says nothing about your value. The fact that one prefers vanilla to chocolate does not make vanilla better. Their absolute value remains the same. The way you behaved shows a person of great strength and dignity. That is a million times more important than appearances. Looks fade, character stays on. Try to focus on you and on things that make you feel good. Good luck!

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Yeah, I wouldnt hold on to the reason why he broke up with you. He told you what thought would hurt you the least. In reality he probably met someone and wanted to pursue it. As you see it wasnt because he wanted to out on his own for a while.

With that being said you stay strong, you will have your time too. It doesnt matter if you or your X found someone first. People seem to think the person who finds someone else first is the winner and thats not always the case.

Look at it this way. Maybe the powers out there in the world removed him from your heart to make room for someone better. Stay positive.

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He lied about the reasons for the breakup. People always do. The reality is he didnt feel you two were compatable. Its that simple. Or else he wanted to explore other options and if thats the case then hes not worth it coz you deserve someone who is 100% yours and who doesnt think the grsss is greener.

 

Stay strong, continue with no contact. Its for the best and you will get over him. If he tries to come back when hes done with his rebound-dont go there. Tell him to get lost and keep moving forward. Theres someone better out there for you

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My ex fed me the same bull, met someone after 2 and a half months. Don't they look cheery together on Facebook. Just seeing them through pics makes my stomach turn. I have no idea what I'd do if or when I see them together in person. I hope I am as strong as you and don't break down like a weakling. I would hate to see them hug and kiss, holding hands, etc.

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Thank you for all your words of advice! Unfortunately I have been an absolute fool over the weekend. After my strength on Friday it all fell apart yesterday.

 

I found out that a girl friend of his has blocked me on Facebook/Instagram etc. I have long since deleted my ex from both sites. I have been guilty of sending my ex angry/upset texts over the breakup period and I am not proud of it but there you go and have not done anything of the sort for nearly a month.

 

Sorry I am waffling....so I broke down and text my ex yesterday bascially asking him if he has been bad mouthing me etc etc. He said not and he doesnt give a sh*t who has blocked who on facebook as he has far more important things to worry about.

 

Suffice to say I feel like a fool. Not for caring, but for showing him I care. I now think that he and everyone else thinks I am some kind of nutter as naively i thought our conversations would remain private.

 

How can I repair this damage and regain my strength and dignity? I am a bit of a pit of self loathing this morning.

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Thank you, you are right. I just need to STOP! Nothing that has happened has any bearing on my life moving forward and how he and his friends react or their opinions on me SHOULD be of no consequence to me.

 

Easier said than done of course. I have since deleted all his friends from my FB and Instagram accounts and blocked him (I deleted him months ago), so hopefully this should put me on the right path to moving on and not being affected by his actions or the actions of those around him.

 

He said some pretty cruel things yesterday, so I feel I am well within my rights to completely ignore him, should I see him again. I think this is the only way and I also think this is what he wants.

 

All so very hard, i just wish I had ignored him from the first day we had split. I feel like I have degraded myself by continually going back to just be knocked down by his unkind words. I know I have made the moving on process so much harder for myself.

 

I think I have just made myself out to be an emotional wreck and he is laughing behind my back thinking, "phew, that was a lucky escape." which is just a further knock to the ego.

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Reading this thread has been so helpful the past couple of months, never used any site like this before

 

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago after 2 and a half years together, we had the perfect relationship, our parents met and loved one another, we were best of friends spending a lot of time together and being there for each other during family issues the past year. We were planning on moving into our own place in the new year. We had our fair share of arguments always over silly things but always made up, until about 3 months ago, we had an argument over something silly and he used this to say we needed a couple of days apart to cool off. I gave him this but once a few days had passed he decided that the relationship was no longer what he wanted, that I was the 'best girlfriend' but he just wanted to spend some time on himself, his new job and his family. I was absolutely devastated, did the usual begging and pleading and then realised it was not helping. I then proceeded to do NC, this lasted 2 weeks until he broke it and messaged me saying he wasn't happy and he made the wrong choice, but still wasn't saying he wanted to get back together, so for the next 2 weeks we talked a little here and there until suddenly out of the blue on Facebook I see he's in a relationship with a girl I had never even heard of in the 2 years we were together, she's in university and lives 4/5 hours away from us so a LDR relationship (he doesn't drive either) this crushed me, and now months later I still can't get my head around it, I have a good job, a car which I drove him round everywhere in, and he's left me for a student who lives hundreds of miles away. We spoke recently after he found out I was talking to a boy and he completely flipped out, we are now back in NC. I am trying so hard to focus on myself and just hoping with a bit more time I will start to feel better

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That was the "wake up" call me to a while back also, the girls best friend made a comment on a status after i had responded. The girl i was dating also responded in a very nice cute way but after i saw her bestfriends comment it was deleted and her best friend blocked me on facebook. These little signs say a whole lot. I confronted her about the comment and to let u know, we have never spoke since. Dont even try to contact your ex. Save your self respect

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It is sooo hard, I know...when you feel like you were a great gf and they just throw it back in your face, it hurts like hell. I remember my ex saying that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that I am amazing and the whole package but he 'cant cope' with a relationship. Well I naively believed him but honestly its just to soften the blow. What he really meant was, 'I cant cope in this relationship,' as he now has someone else.

 

I still cry most days and feel pretty wretched but I have realised that you cant hang on, you have to let go and let the ex go their own way adn the only way to do that is through no contact and concentrating on your own life. My ex's comment about not giving a sh*t was really the wake up call I needed to think that he really isnt the one for me and I should not waste anymore time on someone who doesnt care.

 

I found this quote the other day and I think it is a good one:

 

"If someone wants to be part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. Dont bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesnt make an effort to stay"

 

Another one for you, if you feel like you gave so much to someone who didnt appreciate it:

 

"I will never regret the things I did wrong. I will only regret the good things I did for the wrong people"

 

Big hugs to you. xx

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