Can't sleep. Venting I guess.

[oitnb]

It's 6 am where I live and I haven't fallen asleep. I have work today so I think I'm just going to tough it out and pull an all nighter.

 

It's that time of the month and I have horrible emotional hormonal issues with my period, so I'm basically freaking out over EVERYTHING. like the fact that my boyfriend has over 1000 followers on Instagram. And that lots of girls like his posts. And that my belly isn't flat and he has a perfect body and I feel like I'm to fat for him.

 

And that my mom does drugs and probably won't ever stop. And that I'm working my butt off everyday but always broke. And that I compulsively pick at my toenails and they hurt and look gross. And my scalp too. And I got bags under my eyes like no other.

 

Ugh. I'm a mess right now. Like said, feel free to comment but I just need to vent.

[morrowrd]

Depression isn't necessarily a crying condition, it's a state of mind where perspective is corrupted. Anything and everything causes you to become either angry, sad, or annoyed. Obviously this is boosted by the your monthly cycle, but here is some advice if you would like to change how you feel.

 

Realize first, that just because you see things a certain way, others don't necessarily see things the same. When depressed, just take it for granted that this is you, not everyone else. I'm guessing your boyfriend loves you exactly the way you are. So dismiss that thought and move on to the next. Money problems can usually be fixed with a little organization. Take some time and go over your financial system and tweak things, get rid of some of the waste, figure out how much you can save, even if it's only $10 here and there. Your mom you can do nothing about, except be there for her if that's possible. If the relationship is toxic..meaning it has a negative impact on your personal life, minimize contact.

 

Another thing, pay close attention to EVERYTHING that comes out of your mouth. Either in public or in private. Constant complaining, gossiping, or talking negatively is a good sign of depression and every time you allow yourself to do this, adds another brick to the wall. When you start paying attention, you will be very surprised at how often this happens. In private its just as important. I'm not going to pretend that nobody talks to themselves, everyone does. So just because you vent while alone, don't think it's not having it's negative impact on your mind....just like the person losing weight eats a few donuts while nobody is looking. IT ALL COUNTS.

 

Lastly, pay attention to your thoughts. Most times your mouth will say whats in your mind so start taking control of the negative thoughts as best you can.

 

This isn't icky new agey methods either. This comes from someone who has battled depression on and off over a lifetime successfully. Each of us goes into depression every now and then and recognizing when we do is key to getting out. Its such an easy thing to do and the negative behavior is habit forming, which the domino affect is immense. I have a saying I live by, "fix the within and you fix the without." Once you follow those simple steps, in a couple days the fog lifts. It works for me, it should work for you. Then, while nothing is perfect, you decide that it isn't as bad as you thought before you started the process.

 

The "without" is the outer environment; your boyfriend, coworkers, finances, everything. Once you feel good again, you start behaving differently, which causes a domino effect all of it's own. Your "can-do" attitude with finances will fix that issue, your positive outlook will cause your boyfriend to do the same towards you, and just in general, the people around you will also respond in turn to your attitude. (Just like they will respond to the negative one.)

 

Keep trying, keep at it. But most importantly, pay attention to yourself. I know it's easy to get careless with our words and thoughts. And when we do, a lot of times, this happens.