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he's driving me crazy


SydneyGirl

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So it's been 6 months and he didn't want to be friends on Facebook. I was upset but accepted it and let it go. Friday, out of the blue he asks me to add him on Facebook. I send him a request about 20 minutes later. It's been two days and he hasn't accepted.. weird?

 

Friday night we were at a party and a girl I had met once or twice was there. She's the overly friendly/flirty kinda girl.. over the top touching and constantly bringing sex into the conversation even though she has a boyfriend. She was talking about sex... again... and my boyfriend got involved and it got a bit carried away and ended with him saying something about wanting to do her in the shower. Everyone was uncomfortable and I was horrified.

 

I tried to talk to him about it when we got home. He wasn't apologetic and ended up falling asleep while I laid beside him and cried. In the morning I was.ready to let it go and things seemed better.. we cuddled and had sex and then I left for the day but since then he's been cold and no add on fb.

 

I don't know what to think.

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Lately I find it harder and harder to answer that question... I used to say he was sweet and funny but he's only sweet when we're alone and most of his jokes are about me these days. when I tell him maybe we should break up he begs me not to and then when I try to make things work he acts cold and distant. he's not a bad guy, but he makes me feel really crappy sometimes. i don't know if I'm just being insecure.. I'm so confused and unsure about it all now.

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I'm really astonished that you didn't calmly go home and pack his bags then toss his butt out. It's not a joke, it's not funny, it's not "gosh he just got carried away with the convo". He actually propositioned another woman in front of you and all your friends. Everyone else there was mortified and embarrassed for you, and yet you went home with him. And sadly what you thought would be you showing him how understanding and cool with it all you are by letting him have sex with you that morning is, in his mind, permission to keep doing it or worse. And his treating you cold is him basically grooming you to know that if you speak up and get upset about him chasing other chicks in front of you then he's going to punish you for it. Nice--not.

 

Do you really want to be with be with a guy like that? And by the way, you need to reevaluate that whole "he's not a bad guy" because I can tell you 100 percent good guys don't do the things he's doing--making jokes at your expense, treating you coldly, controlling you by begging you not to break up then treating you like crap again when he knows he still has control. And now we add propositioning other women in front of you and everybody. There's no good there. You need to realize the guy he was when you first met was just him on his best behavior and who you're seeing now is who he really is--a classless jerk who won't do the decent thing and let you go, but who won't treat you decently when he's got you. There's nothing nice or good about that.

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No I don't. And that is how I felt, that he was propositioning her. He says it's not the case, but that is how it felt. I couldn't leave as I had been drinking and didn't want to drive and needed my car the next morning so couldn't cab home... But I was stupid thinking things would be different the next day. It makes me feel really down on myself and it's true, he won't change.

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And that is how I felt, that he was propositioning her. He says it's not the case, but that is how it felt.

 

It's not a matter of how it felt, it's a matter of what was. You were there, other people were there, you all heard and saw him do it. That's not feeling, it's observation. He's just hoping if he lies about it you'll accept the lie. And what happened afterwards isn't so important as what you are going to do about it now and in the future.

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We should never settle for less than we want in a relationship, or someone who treats us like less than we deserve. I learned that the hard way recently. You deserve someone who will have only your best interests at heart, someone who will want to make you happy. A guy who makes a girl cry is not a man. You deserve better than that!

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Read this and then read it 100 more times. It's exactly this.

"He says....(x, y, z)" but I'm hurt, feel bad about myself and realize he's not gonna change. But he says (he will, wants to, doesn't want to break up) so I keep waiting and keep feeling hurt and bad about myself"

What you're saying is the relationship is on his terms and will end when he decides. And he will decide that because he has less and less respect for you as he insults you, belittles you and hits on other women right in front of your face and you stay with him. It actually breeds contempt and resentment in that kind of guy and they end up being outwardly disgusted by your weakness/tolerance for their BS. So you'd think they'd stop acting like a-holes and solve the problem that way...but that's not how it works. That kind of guy believes women are weak/can't stand up for themselves and are stupid (by virtue of putting up with their crap) and then find women they can put in that category so they can say "see! I'm right! I hate women! They're so (insert bad adjective)."

Recognize this and stop dating him immediately. And really question why you'd tolerate this. It's an important thing for you to examine about yourself.

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He hasnt added you on FB coz hes a cheat and he doesnt want you to see what hes up to. Make a fake page and add him with a fake pic. Bet hell add you straight away (some random girl) but wont add his gf..

 

you need to break up with him. He cant be trusted. Hes a sleazebad and right now your being a doormat

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He hasnt added you on FB coz hes a cheat and he doesnt want you to see what hes up to. Make a fake page and add him with a fake pic. Bet hell add you straight away (some random girl) but wont add his gf..

 

you need to break up with him. He cant be trusted. Hes a sleazebad and right now your being a doormat

 

Yup, totally agree. If you sent a request from some totally random girl, he would add you.

 

I think it's time to DTMFA (Dump the MF already).

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I think it's time to DTMFA (Dump the MF already).
So using this one in the future with my friends. As the others say there's a reason why he won't add you to his FB page for six months and yet will hit on some random girl at a party. And as Savignon said these guys get very contemptuous and abusive of you once they realize they can mistreat you and you'll put up with it, because as she said it fuels their secret or not so secret view that women are all weak and deserve to be mistreated. (BTW the same goes if it's a man being emotionally mistreated by a woman too, identical scneario in reverse) In short, your BF has got some seriously Fed up rage at the world and women in general and you won't ever get treated like anything but dirt by him. Yeah, he'll likely treat you okay for a day or two if you stand up for yourself and then it's rinse and repeat again and again. Do you really need that, does anyone man or woman? No.

 

Realize he has issues that have nothing to do with you, they were there before you walked into his life and they'll be there long after you're gone. Give yourself a chance at a normal healthy relationship and walk now or pay the inevitable price that comes with sticking with an abusive person--be it emotional, verbal or physical. A good book on the subject, and one I'm sure everyone on here is tired of me recommending is "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. You can find it on Amazon or online or probably even in your library. Read it, realize what and who exactly you're dealing with, and as annie24 says DTMFA.

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Oh my gosh! Dump this guy, asap! Dump him, dump him, dump him!

 

Seriously, this guy is waste of your time and so disrespectful to you. Don't think twice about this one.

 

Leave him and don't look back. If you stay with him, you're disrespecting yourself.

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People who treat you like crap actually kind of despise you for letting them treat ou like rap.

 

He treats you "hot and cold." Which means, I think he's attached to you/doesn't want to be alone (hot) but doesn't respect you, isn't in love with you, and isn't committed to you (cold.)

 

Nothing we say can make you leave. Either you do or you don't. But if you do stay, guarantee that he'll keep propositioning women and pushing the boundaries to see what he can get away with in front of you. Apparently, he can get away with a lot already.

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In order for someone to treat you with respect you have to first respect yourself. You aren't respecting yourself if you witness with your own eyes and ears your boyfriend telling a girl that he wants to do her in the shower and then go home and lay down with him expecting everything to be ok in the morning. He sees he doesn't have to respect you because you don't even respect you.

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