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Do dumpers think of dumpee after break up?


Hopelessromant

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It's been hard for me lately. I'm the dumpee and it setting even harder at month 2.

 

I was just wondering if dumpers feel any sadness too or think of you a lot?

 

I've heard that dumpers ( only ones that do regret ) start realizing things after 6-8 weeks.

 

Stories?

 

i don't have a story, there's plenty of reconciliation ones in the thread though.... all i want to pitch in is my 2 cents....

 

yes they think about you... yes they're sad.... but they've weighed their options and figure that they're better off without you despite them going through a rough patch even if it means they'll suffer for an arbitrary number of months. there is no magic time table for them regretting or coming back, took me a long time to realize this.

 

just focus on you (easier said than done), go NC.

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Yeah all of us have the ability to look back. Yes some do regret things they've done in previous relationships too but it doesn't change their overall outlook on whether they want to be back with someone.

 

I had an ex dump me because they fell for someone else. I contacted them after a year and that person told me how much they'd regretted treating me the way they did.There was genuine regret and sorrow. We caught up and left things on friendly terms. I'm not someone who holds into negativity so it was nice. Doesn't change the outcome though. We didn't get back together and neither do I want to.

 

Heal, move forward. Don't wait around for someone who didn't want you.

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Yes, they do sometimes think of and regret their decsions and other times no. I think it depends on the individual and the circumstances more than anything. I do know most of my exes came back to me at one point or another and often around that 3 to 6 month mark, sometimes longer. Trouble was by that time I'd already recovered, realized the realationship wasn't for the best, and wanted nothing to do with them. So keep that as a very real possibility.

 

The only one I didn't do that with and got back together with several times was an absolute and total disaster, so while couples do sometimes reconcile it's not always goingto work out because it just wasn't working to begin with.

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It's been hard for me lately. I'm the dumpee and it setting even harder at month 2.

 

I was just wondering if dumpers feel any sadness too or think of you a lot?

 

I've heard that dumpers ( only ones that do regret ) start realizing things after 6-8 weeks.

 

Stories?

Dumpers are not a different species. They're not made of stone. I ended up here because of a situation in which I was the dumpee. Every time I've ended a relationship, I've felt pain, ambivalence and, off an on, regret for doing so. You don't stay with someone for months or years without there being a set of strong reasons for doing so. On the other hand, you don't end that without there being a set of (possibly...) stronger reasons.

If you were together for more than a couple months, they will always remember you. A woman who dumped me after a 2 year relationship recently friended me on fb. This was 20 years after she ended it with me.

Your person still probably loves you, too. They just don't think it's best that you two are together.

So, take heart. However it might seem to you now, I'm confident that your ex found it pretty difficult to leave you and will find it impossible to forget you.

As was noted above, though, unfortunately, none of this means that you two will be together again in the future. As is noted in many other places here, by many many other people, it might mean you will. I don't know the specifics of your story, but my advice is to lay low for a while. Keep calm, try to get happy, or, happier. Date other people if you can manage it. At least flirt. Get exercise, eat well. No matter what happens, it gets better. I promise.

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It's basically three years since my break up. We have had contact every few months since then, despite trying our hardest not to talk. For years I wondered the same thing as you: Did my ex think about me? Did she feel hurt over what happened? It drove me crazy thinking that she might not care, that it was only me who realized how deep our love for each other was when we were together.

 

Even though we ended up talking all those times, it was more one sided--me expressing my feelings. This last time we talked, she told me she thinks about me everyday and is haunted by the mistakes she made. It's clear she cares. In fact, she told me she still loves me.

 

The part that would have been more difficult for me if I hadn't been dealing with this for a few years and hadn't already made all the mistakes I have made is that she has a boyfriend of almost two years whom she loves. She isn't leaving the guy. As far as I can tell, they are probably going to get married.

 

It would be easy to assume that her making those revelations would mean we would be back together again. However, it doesn't mean that. I am pretty sure she would want to try again if he were out of the picture, but she loves him, and after hurting me, she is probably terrified of hurting anyone again. I have had to learn to accept those facts.

 

Now, it has been super difficult for me to accept those facts. It has taken years for my brain and heart to learn those facts, and I finally have done so, but it hurts too much to know anything about her at this point. I have changed my number and blocked her on everything. Not out of malice or ill will, but because I love the girl and want her to be happy, no matter what.

 

Your ex will think about you, Hopeless. It may be that they think about you a great deal. It may be that he or she will think about you every day for the rest of his or her life. That may mean you get back together someday. It may mean nothing. All you can do is work on understanding the break up and your role in it. All you can do is work on making yourself happy and whole, so that one day when you find someone again, whether it be your ex or not, you are ready to give them everything.

 

I wish you the best of luck. It is incredibly difficult and painful to survive a break up with someone whom you love. I am still working on it three years later, but it does get a little better over time. I am no where near the mess I was three years ago, and you won't be either.

 

Warmest wishes,

 

Seattle

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I agree with everyone here. Yes they think about you, but the extent to which they do depends on the situation you're in. If he or she loved you, then for sure, if he/she was a total jerk and didnt care, then maybe not...

 

I remember I broke up with a girl in my early 20's. We dated for 2 years, and I loved her deeply, but had some doubts. I met someone else and broke up with her. I felt super torn for months on end, I had this new amazing attractive, smart and fun girlfriend, and an old one I had more feelings for because we were together for so long. You can just turn those feeling off.

 

I know my ex (she broke up with me, it's been 3-4 days) is probably a total wreck right now. Im holding up pretty well, though Im feeling really pissed at her for pulling this crap at the moment.

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Doofus: thank you so much for your reply. It did make me feel tons better as I always wonder if he even thinks of me. It's been two months and I was his first serious relationship. It was a whole new level of closeness I'd never felt. So I'm sure that can't be forgotten so easily. I just think I'm hurt and tend to panick about what I meant to him if he left me after all that.

 

But I'm laying low and doing my best. Again thank you and bless you!

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Seattle,

 

Thank you for sharing your story. I have gone complete no contact and I'm glad you're doing the same now. I feel that if you both are meant for one another, in time it will happen. Ido wish you the very best as you seem like a kind person. Your story made me feel a little better about my situation. Just because they let us go, it does not mean they forget everything we've had with them. You're right a break up is incredibly hard. I have had to go through it twice before but because I felt I had finally found "the one" it hurts to a deeper level. It's harder to move forward with someone you've had a completely different connection with as I'm sure you know. Hopefully we look back at this and smile at how far we've come.

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First time i dumped someone it was coz he cheated so i only thought of him in anger, hate and sometimes hurt but mostly anger and hate. I knew i never wanted him back and never wanted anything to do with him again.. i didnt speak one word to him for 2 years or so and since then i just say hi if i see him..

 

second time, i broke up with him coz i wasnt into him. I felt bad coz he was hurt but also felt angry at him coz i was trying to break up with him for months and he made me feel really guilty and made it so hard and in the end i was annoyed and fed up. Now when i think of him, i understand it was really hard for him to let me go and think of him as a nice guy and i hope hes happy.

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See Shelty has two reasons why no contact made no difference. because 1) the dude was an a-hole and 2) the guy was a patheticly begging for her back - kills attraction.

 

Hoplessromant - For my ex i still loved her and she never did anything bad to me. She never begged or anything, but she was always available, she just needed to up the cutting off. I felt like such a jerk i broke up with her, and two weeks later I was with a new gf, and we accidentally bumped into her. I totally broke her heart, and I still feel bad and sad about it. Anyways that's like 15 years ago, but being on here, has me reliving some of these terrible experiences.

 

Btw - I dont recall your situation, but im not suggesting that nc works all that much and the ex will come back. Im just saying if there is a chance, nc is the best and only approach. Most important is to move on and move forward and not hang on to hope and stew in self doubt. I dont have a strong attachment to the outcome of my relationship, because i am happy with myself and no ill be fine if it doesnt work out. So that's why I dont have trouble employing strategies to help rekindle my relationship, because I am happy and love myself and I know I'll have a great relationship one way or another. This should really be the mindset you strive for.

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Doicare: that's interesting. From the moment he broke up with me, I initiated no contact. It's been 2 months of that and although I want to give in, I stop myself. I guess it does work in the sense that people realize what they had. I was his first serious relationship as his exs were not great people. I did a lot for him and his family. Always respectful and baking things here and there for holidays. I go above and beyond and I would think he would realize that after it's gone.

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Well it's possible he's just moved on. I just read your story. If he hasnt contacted you in two months, I wouldnt count on him doing so. Im sorry probably not what you want to hear, and while NC is the best way to get him or her back, it's by no means a guarantee. Give it a little more time and reassess. It sounds like you guys were fighting a lot, and you both had some blame in this.

 

Did he break up with you because you were always angry at him?

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Doicare: I don't think it was the fighting. I honestly have no idea why. I think after the fights I got so scared he would leave that I got clingy and always asked him why he's being weird with me why this and why that. I lost my confidence. And I think that all the stuff tht happened made the love we had covered up and kind of pushed to the side. But I also know I've never had such a strongn connection with someone as I know he feels too. That's why a part of me feels like it'll work out against all odds.

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I think it depends on a lot of circumstances. How long the relationship was and if the positives outweighed the negatives. I am sure they still do think about the dumpee every now and then. You can't just turn off your feelings.

 

I do agree with doicare.. if after 2 months he hasn't contacted you, he may be moving on or feels he needs to stick by his decision. During the 2 months have you done NC?

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