Never been in relationship @ 25- how to get out of the funk...

[canadausguy]

So title sort of gives you a sense of my dilemma. I didn't go on my first date until was 23(met online) and have gone on numerous dates since then with different people. I have faced rejection a few times now but I can't help but be frustrated that I haven't gotten to the next level yet- an actual relationship. I was shy throughout high school and college and was afraid of any sort of affection especially from the opposite sex... hugging was really uncomfortable, but after doing it more often recently I've gotten used to it and it's not much of an issue anymore.

 

Anyway, It's not that I'm shy or nervous when it comes to talking with girls. Actually I have had some really nice and meaningful conversations... it's just that it seems i always get thrown into this mysterious friend zone. I guess it's because I don't know how exactly to make a move? You could definitely say that since I've never been in a relationship I have have a fear of ruining the friendship I already started to build and that I cling onto any girl that gives me a light of day.. but I'm really at a loss of how to approach things. any advice?

 

For example. I met this girl about a month ago and befriended her as she offered to teach me french for free. As she was the one who offered I kindly accepted. We've been having these french lessons but it always ends up french lesson + 1 hour extra of just chit chatting. Everything seems to be going well but whenever I ask her to hang out aside from lessons it's always a maybe, im busy, or some other excuse. I don't know if she's just gently pushing me away or what? but we still have our lessons... question begs is she just not interested in me in that way.. if so why is she still willing to teach me? what can i do to try to move things to the next level.. beyond just friendship? How does someone make a move when they have no experience in doing so?

 

bottom line is how do people like me get out of this funk? I'm getting pretty lonely these days would be nice to finally break out of this rut of being permanently single.

[Smiley Saba]

Wow I'd love to find a nice guy like you, because even though I've been involved with them, I've faced rejection numerous times by quite cruel guys, as well. I turn 21 in less than a week, and I can't really give you any valid advice as I've never been in a relationship either, and I've only ever been on one date. I can just give you my experiences as a girl who's in a similar situation to you. Maybe you should wait for the girl to give the indication that she wants to spend time with you outside of the lessons? Or ask another girl out yourself? And eventually you'll get a girl who accepts your offer? I know the reason that I've been rejected by guys is that I can come on too strong. I'm working on improving that by focusing on myself for a while. I hope that's helped.

[bat man]

For example. I met this girl about a month ago and befriended her as she offered to teach me french for free. As she was the one who offered I kindly accepted. We've been having these french lessons but it always ends up french lesson + 1 hour extra of just chit chatting. Everything seems to be going well but whenever I ask her to hang out aside from lessons it's always a maybe, im busy, or some other excuse. I don't know if she's just gently pushing me away or what? but we still have our lessons... question begs is she just not interested in me in that way.. if so why is she still willing to teach me? what can i do to try to move things to the next level.. beyond just friendship? How does someone make a move when they have no experience in doing so?

.

 

your best bet is to learn from men who are good with women. mimic their behaviors when they're around girls. you have to find male role models. as for your friend, she is just being friendly and probably wants to get experience teaching someone French. it may even help her learn the language better. If she was interested in you romantically she would have made time for you. So, it's better to move on, and treat her as a friend.

[MeanGeen]

Maybe smiley saba should PM canadausguy, sounds like you guys have somethings in common, lol

[bulletproof]

what can i do to try to move things to the next level.. beyond just friendship? How does someone make a move when they have no experience in doing so?

 

The thing is, you don't really move things to the next level. If there is a connection, both people feel it, and it will happen naturally to some degree. It just doesn't sound like it's there with this particular woman. If I were you, I would continue to date and get really comfortable. You only started a couple of years ago, after a long time of being shy. It might take some time before you're ready for more. Plus, you should try to enjoy yourself more and not let fears of being permanently single paralyze you.

[canadausguy]

thanks for the responses. It's just frustrating for me now because honestly I'm just lonely and it's just depressing when all my friends are in relationships and/or getting married. I actually just went to a friend's wedding last week on the other side of the world hence the late reply. I am an avid traveler and have visited all over the world. over 40 countries now... mostly on my own. For the longest time people asked me if it was lonely traveling alone.. i kept denying it. But that past few trips I've taken.. it's really dawned on me how nice it might be to have companionship to do stuff like traveling together. I tried to let being single not bother me.. but recently it's started to bother me alot. Everyone is on my back about it including my own parents. Like I said.. i do have girl friends...but that's just all that ever happens.. we are only friends. Am i being too nice? As with most people with these issues.. im fairly introverted. Do you think im doing something wrong? Could be the right person hasn't come a long.. but at my age with no real relationship experience it's sort of getting scary for me and I'm afraid if I don't get any experience soon people will think there's something wrong with me. Also this is also not helping my self esteem either.... In the end I just want to be happy. It's great i've seen the world, but I guess I'm realizing now that I want more in life.

[happy_snapper]

I know the feeling, except I haven't travelled the world.

[johny06]

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