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My girlfriend broke up with me today. I want her back


lovetobrew

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Backstory:

 

My GF and I were together for 8 months. She lives 100 miles away in another town. We are both teachers. I work full-time and she is working as a substitute. Recently she said she wanted to travel overseas to work to fulfill her dreams. She also was looking into a job that was 500 miles away. We have both said we love each other very much. I love her to pieces and thought she was the one for me. We got into an argument on Skype because I said it would hurt me so much if she was to move far away without a plan for what happens next. I do not have the option of moving right now to go with her. I have offered to go with her when I can next year. I said to her that I understand that she was not happy being just a substitute teacher and how she wants a full-time job. I told her I would be fine with her moving away, but that we should have a time frame of when we could be close to each other again and commit to something. If she got the job 500 miles away, I said we could try to live there together or she could come back to my town or we could both go somewhere else, but she was unable to give me an answer about what she would want to have happen. She said that she will not be able to give us a time frame and has no idea what she wants. She has also mentioned that she may or may not want children. I know that I do so this has also complicated things. I told her I didn't understand why if she loved me so much she would want to go far away and not know what we would do after when going far away is completely unnecessary. She has now said that things aren't working between us and that we should break up. She took her relationship status off of FB and texted me about getting my things out of her place. I still love her so much and I think there is a chance we could get back together and that she has just overreacted. She is an awesome person and everything with her has been so great. I don't want to ruin what we've had. She feels like I have blamed her and made her be the "bad guy". What do you guys think and what could I say to her? Should I give her space? What can I say to her to patch things up? Is it worth it? Is there a compromise we can find?

 

Your thoughts please.

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Only dated 8 months. She lives 100 miles away. She may move to 500 miles away. She is not interested in planning a future with you. She is undecided about children. She broke up with you.

 

All signs point to this is dead in the water. Not really gonna happen man. LDRs only work when both are on the same page and have a plan to be together.

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Lovetobrew, I suggest you start by heading over to Al Turtle's website (yes, that's his real name). Here's the link: link removed. Start reading on the link entitled "What to do when he/she leaves you" and do what Al says.

 

You can also read Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. There's a section in there that makes it very clear: The only way to both get over someone and win them back, is to move forward, create distance, create want, and desire. You can't do that by being easily available. You can't say anything to her except you're sorry she feels the way she does. Wait for her to come to you.

 

I'm not going to tell you it's hopeless. You'll stop loving her when you're done loving her, move on when you're ready and not a moment before. Don't give up until you're done, but keep moving forward.

 

Good luck.

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That's a tough position to be in. It sounds like it's not so much that you both don't love each other, but you are at very different points in your life and you each want very different things. An LDR is nearly impossible under the best of circumstances, I've done it, and that coupled with the fact she wants to go off and travel and you can't go with her makes it nearly impossible. As much as it hurts I think you're better off to let her go with love and move on. I know that's not as easy as just saying it, but you both want just wildly divergent things at this point in life that I can't honestly think of how it could work out.

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I'm sorry this happened to you, but she really doesn't sounds like she is ready for commitment. And unfortunately, there is nothing you can really say or do to change that other than give her all the space she needs to figure herself out. You will find someone else who is ready for commitment, and ultimately be happier.

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Update from OP:

 

We talked today and we both agree that we love each other very much. But she is not sure what answer to give me in terms of what happens in the relationship. I think that she just may need more time to calm down. I think that I was being a bit too pushy expecting her to have answers about everything she wants out of life. It is possible that I could possibly work abroad with her in due time. I also told her that maybe I have not been as supportive of her dreams and aspirations as I could be. I really do want to support her and make her happy. However, her going away and not knowing what to do and for how long is still an issue. It's really quite ridiculous that we might break up over something she is only thinking about maybe doing. Hopefully she calms down, comes to her senses and we make up. I don't think that she wants to talk any more today, but I texted her letting her know she can if she wants to, and that I will be there.

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dude, i hear you. i suggest you watch corey wayne videos on youtube and avoid any further screw ups. he's got really cool insight and it's free i cant stop watching them... Anyhow, you cant get a cat to love you, you need to give them space and let them come to you. tell her u love her, and for now your just gonna focus on moving on, and wish her well. if there is still any attraction it will spark it more.

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She said she wants to "take a break until after Christmas" to see how she feels about me. It makes me feel incredibly sad, devastated, lonely and angry at the same time. I'll see what happens, and if she decides she doesn't want me, I will move on. Either she will realized she has made a mistake and turns everything around or it will be over.

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She said she wants to "take a break until after Christmas" to see how she feels about me. It makes me feel incredibly sad, devastated, lonely and angry at the same time. I'll see what happens, and if she decides she doesn't want me, I will move on. Either she will realized she has made a mistake and turns everything around or it will be over.

 

In the meantime you need to make sure under NO CIRCUMSTANCES that you contact her. If you do, she will only think negatively of you. Give her time to miss you, please please please. You can make it.

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