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Dealing with revenge and hatred from ex-boyfriend


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Hi All,

 

Okay my ex and I broke up 8 months ago. He cheated on me with a married woman and was actually physically abusive when we broke up and choked me (my first time admitting this publicly in a thread since I was ashamed by it). We were together for 2 years. Anyway I've been NC for 4 months as of yesterday. I NEVER want to be with him again. I'm convinced he's a sociopath and I can't deny that sometimes I miss components of the relationship but NOT him. Anyway, we started an organization together which I continued to work on. The married woman and him broke up, and he quickly got in a new relationship. After this he pretty much stopped working on the organization over the last few months. It's pretty popular and I figured that he stopped because of his new girlfriend maybe feeling uncomfortable. Either way, I did NOT care.

 

I'm in the US and it was Thanksgiving a couple of days ago. We have a large organizational email shared with various team members (email shared by 10 people). I changed the password on Thanksgiving and spent the evening with someone's family and honestly forgot about it. I never speak to my ex ever, so I was planning to send a group email with the new password. The next day I get a hostile email from my ex threatening me, saying how he might take legal action against me for changing the password and to NOT respond to the email since he'll just delete it without reading it. What?!

 

I'm enraged, but basically write a one sentence email saying "Normally, people just ask for the new password." The next day on social media and on various websites he writes how the organization we founded is UNETHICAL and unprofessional, and how he's unhappy with where it's going and doesn't want to be involved. I was embarrassed to say the least and really angry. How do people deal with this? What's up with this? I haven't contacted him in 4 months. I haven't started drama. I don't hang out with our mutual friends anymore. I'm moving to Australia in 3 months. I do everything for the organization and never bother him and for him to act this freaking crazy is ridiculous.

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I would not engage him. Talk to an attorney. If you started it together does that mean you both own it?

 

We co-founded it together but everything was in my name. I did much of the website design and all the nitty gritty details so naturally I put my name down for all of these. I had no idea we'd break up and this would happen. Legally he has no case against me so I'm not worried about that. But now he's talking about starting a competitor which is fine, whatever... but just spreading negative words about myself and the organization publicly.

 

i did speak to him today, like I wrote him a 2 sentence email asking to take the stuff down with my name, meant to ruin my reputation which he did not yet do and maybe will not.

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Well as a organization, you should talk to an attorney to see what your rights are. You might be able to send him a cease and desist order. Which is basically a letter telling him to stop bashing the organization or face legal action.

 

If you did most of the work, I wouldn't worry about him competing with you. Sounds like he doesn't have the ambition to accomplish a new organization.

 

People do all kinds of crazy things to get their Ex's attention. Don't fall into his trap. If you know you don't want to be with him then don't let him rattle you. I had an ex like that in the past... He was just trying to "get to me" and once I took the high road and didn't look back, he stopped.

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Yes, I'll look into the cease and desist order after the weekend ends.

 

I'm confused why would he try to rattle me? I guess that's what confuses me. I'm moving on and just enjoying my life. I don't understand the need for all this hostility and aggression.

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I think you're reading too much into this. This is not meant to sound offensive, but if you had honestly let go, this would not bother you in the least. No one can get the best of you without your permission.

 

All the best...

 

Sorry, but I politely disagree.

 

I think it's normal for anyone to be upset when someone slanders my name and the organization me and him both founded publicly. The breakup was 8 months ago. I have not spoken to him in 4 months. I'm seeing someone else and obviously I have a lot of anger and hatred towards him because he cheated on me, betrayed me and physically assaulted me. I think I've handled this exceptionally well by taking the high road and continuing working on the organization we both founded and not speaking ill of him to other team members.

 

To publicly use my name and say I'm unethical and professional and that the organization is also headed in a bad direction and is unethical... I think that would piss anyone off even if it was just someone random that I didn't even know. Given that this is my abusive and sociopathic ex, this is extremely hurtful. Letting go doesn't mean that suddenly him publicly stating on websites and public forums that I'm an unethical and unprofessional person wouldn't bother me.

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Sorry, I disagree!

 

This is all about control. He doesn't care, or he wouldn't have done the things he did!

 

So this is about control? I guess I'm oblivious to these things... just to show he has some sick power over me still? It's just ridiculous... we aren't even together... why should I even matter after 4 months of not being together. He has a new girlfriend who he can now manipulate and try to control if he likes...

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Sorry. I wasn't trying to minimize your pain/feelings, and i'm sorry you had to go through that abuse, as well as your current situation. However, you're allowing him to take up unearned space in your head, as a result of something you have no control over.

 

I'm sorry if i offended you, but I do hope you can find your way...

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right. and as an abusive and exploitative ex, he comes back to harass because the OP got away - and is getting over him.

Sorry, I disagree!

 

This is all about control. He doesn't care, or he wouldn't have done the things he did!

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anyone who is being actively harassed and belittled in public is going to think about it - and try to get it to stop, whether an ex or not.

 

Sorry. I wasn't trying to minimize your pain/feelings, and i'm sorry you had to go through that abuse, as well as your current situation. However, you're allowing him to take up unearned space in your head, as a result of something you have no control over.

 

I'm sorry if i offended you, but I do hope you can find your way...

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Sorry. I wasn't trying to minimize your pain/feelings, and i'm sorry you had to go through that abuse, as well as your current situation. However, you're allowing him to take up unearned space in your head, as a result of something you have no control over.

 

I'm sorry if i offended you, but I do hope you can find your way...

 

No worries. I know you mean well. This happened earlier today so I think I just need a day or so to just cool off... hopefully then he'll be out of mind. At least he's officially done with the organization and that was my last anchor with him.

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right. and as an abusive and exploitative ex, he comes back to harass because the OP got away - and is getting over him.

 

You are both probably right. I guess it's just confusing to me since I don't get why he's being like this, but you are right, it probably angers him I'm getting over him. I loved him so very much, he even told me that the last time we talked and I know it gave him some sick pleasure to know I cared for him. Even one of our mutual friends, who I can't hang out with anymore, told me last time I saw her a couple of months ago that he asks about me and she highly believes that he likes to think that I care about him and love him from afar and want to make sure he's doing okay. He supposedly even thinks my move to Australia is to escape my love for him. Egh!

 

Fortunately, I don't care about that and am happy I'm letting this nonsense go. Let's hope this is the last bit of drama I have to endure from him for the rest of my life...

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