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Something as trivial as facebook is killing me


getupkid

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Me and my ex dated for two months until she (seemingly reluctantly) ended it with me a week ago. She having male friends caused me to get paranoid and jealous because of past girlfriends leaving me for such friends. Even though she's only saw any of them (only 3 really) while I was busy and would see me after I still started a fight about it saying I don't know if I can trust her, despite her and our relationship being literally perfect in mine and her eyes. We talked it over in person and she cried saying she was afraid I'd leave her because she has 3 best friends she's had for years and none of them had ever been anything more or ever would be. She understood about my past and that I've never met her friends yet but assured me she was never going to leave me, do anything shady or hurt me. It was back to normal after. We ended up breaking up a week ago because although she went to her girlfriend's after work, I jumped to conclusions that she lied to me and was with her male friends and didn't want me knowing. I said it because she'll usually say hi to me after she leaves work and mention she's going to her friends but didn't text me at all. She sent me pictures of her there proving me wrong but I brought up old things that has happened that were the same situation and apologized.

 

The next day she ended it after saying she was planning on being with me a long time and never felt the way she did about me with anybody else and that I truly made her happy, but the fact nothing she could do made me trust her was too much of a problem so soon. I respected her decision after explaining that I've been through the same situation over and over with past girls that when the situation came up with her I just linked it to happening all over, when I should have let the past go and realize she isn't like any of them. She didn't have much to say and we haven't spoken at all in a week.

 

The last two days she's been showing up on my facebook/instagram. I posted a picture of half my face with the other half showing how packed the bar I was in was on instagram and she liked it, after not liking anything I posted a while before or after that picture. Why I'm not sure because it's not something she'd typically like even while dating. And on facebook I posted the song we considered "our song" because before we established we liked each other we'd post different lyrics from that song to see if each other would notice it was about her or me. She liked it when I posted it two days ago after not liking anything I've posted since we were breaking up. Even while dating we used to talk about it being "our song." A couple hours later I posted lyrics from a different song relating to her, she didn't like it but a few minutes after she posted a song that she knew I was specifically very fond of. It's a song I knew she liked but not nearly as much as I did, and it is no way a song anybody else really knows..I can't help thinking she posted it so I'd see.

 

Last night I posted lyrics I posted when we first started talking I remembered she had liked, just to see if she'd like them again..she did. I also noticed all the pictures of myself or her and I she had on her facebook and instagram she left and didn't delete, including one of these sky lanterns we set off one night while making wishes with them which was her idea.

 

So my point is we had a very special relationship, one I felt like I've been waiting for all my life, and she would claim the same of me, that we've both never been happier. Unfortunately my past issues got the best of me and I ended up ruining this. But before it was established we liked each other we relied on mushy lyrics to get each other's attention, a way of saying "hi these are about you" and since I'm doing it again, she's taking notice...but does it mean anything? I understand what I lost, but I can't help hoping she'd come back and try and fix the issue I made after having something that great beforehand. Thanks for reading.

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I think you already know what you did wrong regarding the relationship. You took your past experiences and brought them to the new relationship. What your exes did isn't a reflection of what she would do or what every other girl would do to you. You need to understand that before you can really be okay to date someone else again, because other wise the same thing will just keep happening.

 

As for the facebook stuff, facebook is evil when it comes to relationships. It makes you over analyze everything. She may be posted these things as a way to get to you, or she may not. She may have liked your photo because she missed you, or it could be because she thought it was a cool photo. But the problem with facebook/instagram/twitter is you are left to analyze it over and over and over until it drives you MAD. No one can tell you for sure if it means anything or not.

 

My suggestion would be to try to get past your issues with trust. That is the main issue here. If you want to be able to have a relationship in the future- with this girl or anyone else- its going to be something you have to work on.

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I know, I've been talking to a lot of people to vent about it and all of them say the same, that history doesn't necessarily repeat itself. Unfortunately I started to realize this more and understand it when it was too late and she was in the process of explaining how she doesn't think it'll work. I guess I let my temper get the best of me because even before I dated her everybody said nothing but good things about her, who knew her before me. Even after we started dating everybody would tell me how crazy she was about me and how happy she seems to be.

 

I guess I subconsciously hold onto how good it all was to help her think if breaking up was really the best solution or not. I'm still waiting for her to contact me about getting the movies she left at my house and to give me back my coat. I honestly feel like I'm going to consider her the one that got away because I've never had a better girlfriend.

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I completely agree. Normally after something like this I'd just move on but with how we met, months ago and to how we started dating and our relationship itself I can't help feeling how I do. I really have never been in a relationship like this. I never felt how I did in the 5 year relationship I was in than I have in this two month relationship. Even as I got older I would look back and see how great things really weren't and before I started thinking too much into everything I couldn't find one flaw in it. But really if it was meant to be, it'll be.

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I'm sure at one point, you DID feel just as good with your ex, as you are now, with this one. BUT, because this is all 'new' for you both, of course things are always so great in the beginning (honeymoon phase).

 

I'm wondering just how much time was spent on your own before you began an interest in this gal?

If you were in a LTR ( 5 yrs), you'd NEED a good break to 'accept & heal' from that break up, before you can 'properly' move on into another relationship- otherwise it could be a 'rebound relationship'. Those usually are NOT good and don't last for many reasons...

 

As for this feeling of 'love' you both admit to. I also find this a little premature as it had only been 2 months. This would not be 'love' yet. But 'lust'.

 

Anyways- this is a good reason you've lashed out at here re: her 'guy friends' is, as like you said, because this has happened to you before?

 

As mentioned, above ^^ sadly, you've now come to let 'your past' affect your present relationship, as you became very defensive and full of assumptions, automatically, which is why I presume it hasn't been long since your last relationship ended before you got into this one?

 

What one needs to do is work on themselves and 'heal' over their previous loss. The sadness, anger, confusion & all those emotions etc. and be 'over their ex', before moving on again.

 

If you have not done so, I suggest you do! Or yes.. as mentioned, it can happen again, this same aspect.

 

gd luck

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Well, the 5 year relationship I was in ended 4 years ago, she ended it because she boldly said she didn't want to be tied down anymore. She was dating somebody new a month later. But to elaborate on how I felt with her; I clearly remember how we met and everything. There was a connection but it wasn't overwelming really, it was the first "real" relationship so I went in casually. Even from the beginning she was still fighting with another girl her then ex boyfriend started dating, was being sneaky about other guys messaging her asking to hangout, etc. At the time since I didn't know better (I was 19) I just ignored it all. Sure we had good times but always followed by bad.

 

And I've been in other serious relationships since then but the way I went about it was as if I didnt care so much about it, so when they ended, that was it for me.

 

This was just so different on so many levels, none of the feelings I had were familiar, etc. I wouldn't say I was in love, because I have strong opinions of the word, but with how she was towards me I was almost waiting for her to say it to me.

 

I didn't want to go into great detail about my 5 year relationship because although it did take me awhile, I have full confidence saying I'm over it. But my current ex had so many odd similarities, and I mean odd by uncommon, to that long term ex that I just naturally compared them. It was wrong and this is the final result unfortunately but I can't change what happened now I guess.

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