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Contact *before* the first date.


j.man

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I went to a friend's evening Thanksgiving party on Thursday and ended up meeting a very cute international post-grad student (German). We actually didn't get any 1-on-1 time, but we glanced at each other a lot and she was always laughing at my jokes. She seemed to have a good sense of humor herself so I offered to give her my number right as she was leaving. She told me she'd text me when she got home and did so, telling me she made it back fine. I thanked her and wished her a good night and then she followed up saying maybe we could do coffee sometime.

 

I follow up with her the next evening asking if she'd like to go ahead and work out a time we can get together. She suggests next Thursday evening and I agree. I also suggest a nice and cozy little tapas bar in town for some light eating and a drink instead of the coffee and she emphatically agrees to it and tells me she's looking forward to it.

 

Now my question is what do you guys do when you've met someone, established interest, and then set up a date like a week in advance? Do you make any attempt to contact them before that date? My instinct is to just to let it go until maybe the day before just to kinda check-in. But I don't want to convey disinterest by not saying anything to her for pretty much a week. Any personal experiences or advice?

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If someone asked me out on a date and then didn't contact me for a week, I would assume he's not that into me. If I were you, I would call her every couple of days to ask how she's doing etc.

 

I disagree. If I already had a date lined up, I would lean toward not contacting them that much beforehand. You already got the date, anything you say beforehand (via text, phone calls, etc.) is only going to increase the chances of saying something dumb or that she can mis-interpret.

 

I think your instinct of "let it go until maybe the day before just to kinda check-in" is right. Trying to talk to her a bunch before you even go on your first date would come accross as kind of needy and desperate. Calling her "every couple of days to ask how she's doing etc." like suggested above is bad advice, in my opinion. A confident guy wouldn't worry that she had forgotten about him after a few days, right? And if she was actually interested in you, she's not going to forget that you had a date scheduled. You left her with a good impression last time you saw her, you can at least wait until the actual date before you start to mess it up haha

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Especially since it's a holiday weekend no need to contact until the day before to confirm and plan time and place. I would be turned off if we already had a date planned and he checked in to see how I was doing -I've had that and it feels too familiar/coupley. Get to know her in person.

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Yes, it really depends. With situations like this I don't reach out to the guy nor does he till the day of. It never bothers me. However, it wouldn't bother me at all if he checked in with me a couple of days before just to say "hello." It honestly just depends. Do what your gut feels but I don't think it's bad to wait to contact her till the day before the date.

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If we've already established a good rapport, I'd send a funny text that would appeal to her sense of humor just to touch base. And then respond 1-for-1 from there. Wouldn't really call.

 

But if we're still pretty much strangers and I didn't know her personality very well yet, I'd just send a text the day before to make sure she doesn't flake.

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