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Starting Over....again.


faraday
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Haha that's why earlier I was talking about getting a sweaty shirt of his to put on a pillow. I can make a "Jay pillow" for when he's gone...and I only sound a little crazy

 

I think nights might be easier for me than you...because...the majority of the time, he's not here....so I'm more used to sleeping alone. It's actually kind of weird when he is here....like...harder to sleep. Not that I don't love when he sleeps over, because it's my favourite...I love waking up with him, and I love cuddling before sleep...I just...don't sleep as well *shrugs*. Probably because I'm not used to it.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

Well I've never heard it before due to ESL, but she always wants my arm nook, and last night asked me to send a photo of her arm nook so she could put it on a tablet, and sleep with a photo of "her" arm nook, hahaha. If she knew I wrote about that, she would probably kill me.

 

 

As far as sleeping, I sleep better with her. With my previous ex I actually wouldn't... she wasn't as cuddly and would get annoyed if I'd throw my arm around her when she's asleep... this one will pull my arm in the middle of the night and force me to spoon her... I find it hilarious, I make fun of her for it. She also likes to big spoon me which is quite the feat considering I'm 6'1 235-240 and she's pushing 5'5, but she makes it work.

 

 

Sleep is an interesting thing... Miss K sleep talks quite actively and will respond to questions... so I've had some fun with that. The other night my painting fell on us, and she had the biggest gasp like from a horror movie, and my reaction was to punch it accross the room... quite the different reactions.

 

Maybe when EVENTUALLY you get the chance of more consistency with Jay you'll like sleeping by his side more?

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Well I've never heard it before due to ESL, but she always wants my arm nook, and last night asked me to send a photo of her arm nook so she could put it on a tablet, and sleep with a photo of "her" arm nook, hahaha. If she knew I wrote about that, she would probably kill me.

Omg, us humans are so weird! That's so funny

 

....and I don't know if we'll ever sleep together more. I mean, he'll have 2-3 month stretches where he'll be home more often than not...but then he'll be back to being gone again.

 

That's part of the reason I was so upset last month...I mean...this is his career. It's not a just a job...but something he went to school for, something he loves and is excited about...and...he won't ever be here more than 50% of the time. It's kind of hard to imagine what that will look like in a year or five.

 

I'm going with the flow right now though to see how things go...to see if I can get used to it- it's been a big adjustment...and I want to rationalize it and think "well, one day it will be different"...but...it won't. I need to see how I feel when I actually reach the point of acceptance lol

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faraday - your daughter sleeps in her own room?

 

Yes, she has from 8 months on. Sometimes she'll crawl into my bed when she's sick...and...I just can't sleep

 

I really thought buying a super nice king sized mattress would help me...but...it's like...a breathing thing. Idk.

 

 

Hey, what happened to your thread? It's just...gone. I thought they didn't do that.

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Yes, she has from 8 months on. Sometimes she'll crawl into my bed when she's sick...and...I just can't sleep

 

I really thought buying a super nice king sized mattress would help me...but...it's like...a breathing thing. Idk.

 

 

Hey, what happened to your thread? It's just...gone. I thought they didn't do that.

 

I just asked Annie to move it to the private journals section because when I started that thread I was dating around, now I have a boyfriend and I don't think I need to be blogging on the dating section about it daily. I want to try to just take it a day at a time with my boyfriend and I get terrified about him maybe finding ENA because I didn't write the nicest things about him and would hate to hurt his feelings.

 

Also, I think you cope AMAZINGLY well with the distance. I was in grad school for 2 years and dated my previous ex for 2.5 years, but 1.5 of those years were completely long distance. As in, two different continents. We would spend time together every 2 months and I actually didn't mind it at all. That's because I just really wasn't that into him. My therapist actually think my relationship lasted so long BECAUSE I didn't see him daily which made my lukewarm feelings for him bearable. My current boyfriend was gone for 3 days this week and I'm...dying. It's only been 3 months and that might be why but I'm starting to think that if you are really in love with someone, it's TOUGH to do long-distance.

 

Is Jay ever going to be more stable with his job? You mentioned something about maybe in 2 years? How would that work?

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It makes sense as to why you made your journal private. It's probably a good idea.

 

And thanks. I don't feel like I handle it all that well...I mean, when it's just two weeks and he's home for a while in between trips, it's good...but the last few months have been such an emotional roller coaster.

 

The two year thing I was talking about...would be when he's more senior. He'll have more choice in the assignments he takes...so he'll be able to decline trips without looking bad. I think part of it right now...is that he knows this is his last opportunity to go crazy with the field work. It pays quite a bit more than when he's in the office, so he's trying to rack up the overtime and banked time for the future. I think he realizes now though that I might not make it to that point...because he is trying to be home more.

 

He left this morning...he found out yesterday that the 3 week trip he was supposed to leave for has been delayed, so he's only gone for 4 days this time...he'll be back on Tuesday...and should be home for 3-6 days (but he's not sure) then gone for 3 days (probably)...and then back for a week (but with a few day trips maybe)...but nothing is set...at all. In a few days, they might send him somewhere else and he'll be gone for 2 weeks without coming home...and I think that's the hardest part for me. I like to plan This is definitely a good exercise in going withe the flow lol

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Random thoughts. I'm pmsing and feeling insecure today. Not like...in a panic Just like...in my head too much. I hate hormones.

 

 

Jay is just outside Vancouver on a job with a coworker...and last night he didn't get in until midnight because they went for dinner (which was an hour each way on the train because they decided to go downtown instead of eat someplace in the suburbs) and then they went rock climbing together...they had it planned to both bring their gear. I felt weird about it. He never does this when he goes on other trips...but normally they are outside civilization...and also, normally his coworkers are all guys...so it's just a big deviation from the norm...but he doesn't pick his trips or who he goes with or where...so he's just making the best out it.

 

This whole insecurity has made me wonder if I'm fulfilling his social needs. We rarely go out late...even when we have the option of a night out, we both usually just want to go out for dinner and go home and (sex then) crash.

 

I've never went rock climbing with him. I asked him if it bothered him that I don't, and he said no....but I know that all his past gfs have climbed. He invited me a few times when we first started dating, and I declined because I wasn't comfortable with him enough yet....last month I asked him if I could go with him, and he said "not this time" because he hadn't been in a few months and he said he'd be mostly catching up with friends and it would be boring for me. Fair enough. I've been encouraging him to go all the time lately- I know it makes him happy and I like having a few hours alone when he's staying with me for more than a night or two...

 

I guess I just feel weird that he didn't tell me he was packing his climbing gear, and that they had plans...and he's probably doing the same thing tonight- I haven't heard from him yet.

 

I don't normally have a problem with this stuff....I know mostly it's pms...and maybe a bit because he's been mentioning this coworker a lot lately....but they've had a ton of jobs together in this last little bit...and they're interested in all the same stuff, same hobbies...so that's normal, they talk a lot...I just don't want to feel jealous of his coworker for having more things in common with him.

 

This is a "get it out" rant. He's calling tonight and I don't want to say these things to him...so I'm going to say it here and hope the pms stays only in this post....

 

I hate feeling like this. By the end of tomorrow, I'll feel normal. *sighs* I want tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

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Edited by faraday
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He just called. And...now I feel dumb for feeling all weird before. Such is the way it is whenever I talk to him. So annoying that some days I think so much.

 

But the whole rocking climbing/common interests thing is still bugging me.

 

I mean, we have books and tv shows...

 

And I went to the pub last night, and a group of people walked in all dressed up like Gatsby came in and played Clue...(and my friends were like, "ugh, hipsters are so lame" and I was like....wanting to leave my lame friends and join the hipsters because...that's seriously, so fun) and I told Jay, and he got excited too.

 

Sometimes...I don't think some of my friends get me...they're always yelling about hipsters...obviously the ones that do that, aren't hipster...I know that hipsters never think that they're hipsters...but...I'm kind of a hipster....I have the glasses...I wear weird clothes from a mix of thrift stores and expensive boutiques....I love all things hand crafted....but then...I'm also an artist, and those are very artist things too....so....it's a bit conflicting sometimes.

 

I have changed completely over the last decade...a few times even...and my friends are all still the same. Same hair cuts, same clothes...same type of cars...same careers....same everything. And...I just want everything to be different all the time. I want a different world every day. But nothing changes. So I do. So I can make my own new world. My own experience.

 

I'm really getting the urge to leave lately. I want to pack up Clementine and move to Europe. I could be an artist there. I just want to not know anyone....and start over. I'd tell my parents. And Jay can come. But...I'd leave everyone else. Isn't that horrible? Half of my friends I've known forever...and the other half...I've met within the last 3 years...but...I don't feel like, "Yes! You are home!" with anyone that I know right now, and I've felt that in other friendships that are past.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me today lol

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Is this a female co-worker?

 

 

As far as the friend's comment... I know what you mean, some people get some side of you... some get another, and some just like you since you're a nice person.... but after awhile you realize... this person doesn't get me at all, and just enjoys my company much more than I enjoy theirs.

 

 

I don't know if you're "hipster" I'd perhaps describe you slightly bohemian but then again, I personally hate labels... everyone labels me wrong... everyone.

 

Perhaps you need to make some more like minded friends? Europe is a possibility, but that sounds a little drastic... I wouldn't say don't ever considerate though... because I think I'd like to live there for a few years myself.

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I think friendships evolve, and sometimes you drift so far away that your friendship only exists simply due to longevity rather than closeness...does that make sense?...like I have some friends that I have known since I was 4 years old. And we don't have much in common personally anymore...but we have all these experiences that we have gone through together that bind us to one another. It's hard to cut that cord, and I wouldn't want to...but sometimes I question how close I feel to them...like that genuine connection is not the same now, or missing entirely...

 

New friendships can be weird too, I find the older you get the more difficult it is to replicate (with new friends) the closeness that you felt with old friends...

 

I don't have anything constructive to write I guess, lol. Just know how you feel, I'm sort of going through it too.

 

Ha, just as I am writing this, the song "Drifters" by Patrick Watson starts playing on the radio...good timing, lol

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And thank you both of you for the responses on friends. I went through a major overhaul a few years ago...I let go of a ton of people that I had known for a long time...because I couldn't be authentic around them.

 

I struck out, made new friends...and I still feel like...why do people judge so much??? And why do people want to put other people in boxes? And...why does it seem like...no one gets me? Or we only get each other for a while...and then not again. I do my best not to stick people in boxes other than "people I want to spend time with" and "people I don't want to spend time with"....why do we need to label people beyond that?

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This whole insecurity has made me wonder if I'm fulfilling his social needs. We rarely go out late...even when we have the option of a night out, we both usually just want to go out for dinner and go home and (sex then) crash.

 

He is an introvert right? He probably sees his time with you as a way to recharge, my bet is that he prefers having a quieter intimate time one-on-one with you, then having to go out on the town with other people in tow as well. Have you asked him if he is ok with being homebody-ish when together, or has he expressed any desire to go out and do more stuff with you? If not then I wouldn't worry about it.

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You've been rather consistently volatile lately....what's going on? It's like you are deliberately seeking out drama or trying to create it....

 

My roommate leaves at the end of the month. The agency terminated her contract because her mom is bat f*ck crazy and calls me literally 4 times a day, writes formal complaints against me weekly (which the agency has to investigate and so far have not found a single allegation to be true), changes plans at the last minute (saying she is taking her daughter- so I book a hotel for Jay and I in a different city...and then she cancels that morning "because she doesn't feel like it"...I never know what's happening more than a day in advance...and I'm a planner) and to top it off...last week, I called her mother twice to tell her that my roommate was sick...to which she told me that it was "allergies" and "under no circumstance am (I) to take her to the doctor or (I) will be sued"...and then her mom got her back a few days later...and her daughter needed to be taken to the hospital with pneumonia...and the mother is blaming me saying I was negligent. So not only do I get the blame, I have a ton of guilt about it...but at the same time, I couldn't do anything differently. The entire situation is regrettable but I followed protocol and the agency is fully backing me.

 

The last few months...have been like this every week....I'm so thankful this is coming to an end. The agency is looking for a new potential roommate for me, with the express understand that if they give me another psycho parent, it will not last more than a week. I'm not doing this again.

 

Honestly, I feel like I'm about to meltdown. I'm lucky that the social worker feels the same way I do about this woman, and that she fully backs me. I'm lucky because when the crazy mom is standing outside my house screaming, the social worker calls the police for me so I can deal with an upset 6 year old and a confused DD teenager.

 

This is a white trash nightmare that I have no experience with. I can't relate to the mom or her expectations...or deteriorating mental state.

 

Thankfully I only have 9 days left. With that.. comes no paycheck though...so that's a bit stressful....but I would take anything over this.

 

So yes. I am on edge

 

I don't think I'm seeking or making drama...but I don't think I have much patience left over to deal with much either.

 

I was thinking about what at the root of the Jay post is happening...and I think part of it is...wondering if his feelings for me are growing and deepening since we had that talk a few months ago. I'm scared of waiting 6 months and being in the same place we were before we decided to "see how things go"....and honestly, I think a lot of people wonder about that. What is the end game? So to speak. Is that I'm stressed out, causing him to change the way he sees me? That's really a fear for me...that all this negativity and drama regarding the roommates mom, is coming through in my reactions to things. I don't have as much patience. I need more hugs. I feel drained. Will Jay think I'm weak and leave? Or does he see me under the weight of everything, doing the best that I can...and waiting my time.

 

With my friends....right now...everyone seems to have a lot going on. Either severe health issues, severe relationships catastrophes or large financial problems....and...so I listen to everyone talk about their stuff...and I don't want to add to their burden, so I don't talk about my stuff...but their stuff has been happening now for almost a year. And...I feel myself pulling away...because...I'm not getting anything from these friendships, but I feel horrible when I debate abandoning them. I want to make new friends, and put these ones on the back burner, but I feel like a jerkface. I don't think they realize that when every hang out is based around them b*tching about how crappy their lives are....I don't want to hang out with them. I've tried activity based things with them (bowling, go carts, walks) but...no matter what...their stuff always comes up.

 

It makes me want to run away. *shrugs*

 

Yup. That's how I REALLY feel

 

It's going to be okay...and I know it will soon...I just need to focus on the good.

Edited by faraday
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He is an introvert right? He probably sees his time with you as a way to recharge, my bet is that he prefers having a quieter intimate time one-on-one with you, then having to go out on the town with other people in tow as well. Have you asked him if he is ok with being homebody-ish when together, or has he expressed any desire to go out and do more stuff with you? If not then I wouldn't worry about it.
I had this talk with him last night He said that dating me has been different than any other dating experiences he's had- just because we don't have the freedom to do as much...but he said he really enjoys that we have so many quiet moments...and he knows life with change...and he's good with things as long as he can still go climbing, and do things with friends...which is of course okay....because I want that for myself.
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It all makes so much more sense with the latest posts. It will be a serious celebration time when all the craziness is behind!

 

Hang in there.

Am I really being that much different?

 

 

I'm trying to be me. I'm trying to be positive.

 

This lady is smothering the happiness and will to live right out of me lol. I don't know how people get like that. She's just...she's the most horrible person I've ever met in my life. She's so unhappy, won't make changes (even though I initially tried to be kind and give her an supportive ear to talk to, some life coaching on issues I could help with)....and she wants everyone else to be unhappy.

 

She isn't able to care for her daughter- so she wants everyone else to feel like they can't either...what she doesn't realize is...that this is making things so hard for her daughter She was fitting in so well here. We really like her, Jay likes her, my friends are starting to like her...my parents love her. She was learning new skills, getting onto a schedule (for the first time in her life)...but her mom chooses to nit pick everything. I'm her fourth placement in the last couple of years, this same thing has happened with every other roommate....at least this time there's notice...the last roommate had with with the mom, and the supportive roommate terminated the contract right then and there

 

...and my roommate never saw the lady again....and my roommate has Down's Syndrome...she really doesn't do well with change. I'm so sad for her. She doesn't understand what's happening to her....she's gets anxiety whenever the bus comes because she's scared she isn't coming back here after- she makes me promise she's coming back

 

I met her new supportive roommate, and she seems lovely...I hope she'll transition there okay. I know my daughter will miss playing hide and seek with her.

 

I got some good news though in the last half an hour. I sent in my resume, cover letter and application to a different supportive roommate company, and the owner of the company called me to tell me that they're very interested in me and would like to meet with me. So...that's a good sign. Things will be good again. I already feel lighter.

 

One day a time.

 

Thanks for the support I think I need wine today.

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faraday - OMG girl I feel so bad for this teen. I mean, can't someone intervene? It's obvious that she's going to have the same trouble with the next roommate, right? She seemed to be stable and happy at your house and I'm sure Tine was a great little bud for her. It's parents like this that makes me believe people really need to pass some sort of sanity exam before having kids.

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faraday - OMG girl I feel so bad for this teen. I mean, can't someone intervene? It's obvious that she's going to have the same trouble with the next roommate, right? She seemed to be stable and happy at your house and I'm sure Tine was a great little bud for her. It's parents like this that makes me believe people really need to pass some sort of sanity exam before having kids.
She has problems with everyone. Her employers have repeatedly tried to get rid of her, she gets in fights at work all the time....this has happened with several people that care for her daughter...she's just a miserable woman. When I think of her, I think of the opening paragraphs from book I read to my daughter...called "Haron and the Sea of Stories" by Salman Rushdie. She is the city.

 

"There was once, in the country of Alifbay, a sad city, the saddest of cities, a city so ruinously sad that it had forgotten its name. It stood by a mournful sea full of glumfish, which were so miserable to eat that they made people belch with melancholy even though the skies were blue.

 

"In the north of the sad city stood mighty factories in which (so I'm told) sadness was actually manufactured, packaged and sent all over the world, which never seemed to get enough of it. Black smoke poured out of the chimneys of the sadness factories and hung over the city like bad news."

 

I just get that feeling from her. She wears all black WAY oversized men's clothing....all of her clothing has holes in them...her shoes are falling apart, her hair is always a matted mess. She always has stains all over her clothing, and a scowl. I think I've mentioned that Jay has wrinkles around his eyes from smiling so much? This lady has deep frown lines around her mouth and in between her eyes.

 

Initially I thought to be kind to her. I thought...maybe she just needs someone to listen to her...and be support her. I was spending 3 hours a day on the phone with her, listening to her rant about the (racial slur) at her work...and eventually...I just realized that there is nothing good left in her.

 

Her daughter (my roommate) is a parrot- she has the mental capacity of about a 4 year old....and so she doesn't really think a lot on her own, but she parrots back things said to her...and she says some pretty mean, sad things. She doesn't know the meaning behind what she's saying...so we've been working on come up with some kind responses to people saying hi or whatever to her, that we can teach her.

 

I talked to my agency, and the social worker there said that fighting for guardianship would cost tens of thousands of dollars- and that agencies that do what they do, are mostly not for profit, and don't have the funding to fight. A relative would need to step in....and it sounds like...she's driven everyone away (including her husband...he just upped and walked away 3 years ago...no one knows where he went).

 

I wish I was in a place where I could fight for her. I'm just not Hopefully someone at her new agency will be able to intervene. She's such a sweet girl.

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How long do you think it takes to get to know someone?

 

Maybe it's because of Jay's schedule, and him rarely being home? But I feel like...I'm still learning crazy amounts of things about him....and I always thought I would be fine getting engaged at year and a half of dating (obviously expecting things to go a bit slower with Jay...but after our conversation last night, it made me realize I still have a ton to learn about him...and...just wow lol. I barely know him 9 months in!)

 

 

Last night he came over (I made a really nice dinner -beer braised short ribs, roasted beets, maple glazed carrots, roasted garlic and brown butter mashed potatoes mmmm) and we watched some YouTube videos that he's really into and....I had always thought that he just went to the gym to climb...I know it's a big part of his life...and I knew he competed in a bunch of rock climbing world championships when he was in his early 20s...but I guess he does stuff like the guys in the video (but he explained that those guys get paid to climb- and they are some of the best in the world). Apparently, Jay goes on week long hikes to rock climb in the middle of nowhere.

 

Things I did not know. It's pretty cool. It made me realize....we have a long way to go to get to know each other. He's an interesting guy.

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Hi Farady... yes he does sound like an interesting guy... but the motif also seems to be that he is going to be gone a LOT and may only want to participate in 'part time' relationship and parenting activities because of the job he has chosen and the leisure activities he has chosen.

 

Some women might be fine with a 'part-time' guy, and others not. But he seems to be making it clear that his activities will keep him away from full time family life. So i'd definitely take your time getting to know him and see whether you can adjust to someone who will be gone as much as he is, and someone who is also taking very big risks such as rock climbing in the middle of nowhere.

 

I am not sure this guy is ready to settle down into a marriage/full time relationship anytime soon because he has way too many fish to fry that will exclude you and your daughter from being with him.

 

btw, how long does it take to get to know someone? I think if you are in a 'part time' or LDR relationship, you need to be really cautious because your time with them is limited AND you don't know what they are really up to when they're not with you, and you need to make really sure that you understand exactly who they are and that you know what you are signing up for and can trust that when they are away from you they are also not seeing other people as well.

 

I don't necessarily think it is bad that he has a job that takes him away a lot as long as you are happy with the 'part time' living together situation, BUT i did find it a bit of a red flag when you asked to go rock climbing with him and he told you no, he was 'catching up with friends.' That would give me pause because he may be a compartmentalizer, where he will have you tucked away in one box, and his rock climbing and buddies in another box, and potentially another woman you don't know about in a third box who either rock climbs with him as well as dating him, or just a third compartment with other women in it because he likes to have an exciting and varied life and needs the stimulation of multiple things and multiple women.

Edited by lavenderdove
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I don't know Faraday......this roommate deal you have going, unless you find a way to distance yourself emotionally, it will eat you alive. All these kids/adults that are in need of this type of service are there precisely because of the crazy parent/family situation. So this woman might have been extreme, but don't expect others to be all that much easier either. It's kind of the nature of the game so to speak. Figure out a way to draw what really amounts to professional boundaries much like many people in professions where you simply have to separate personal views and emotions from your job so you don't lose your sanity.

 

Also, research more carefully how you are covered in terms of liability and what you should and shouldn't do regardless of what the "protocol" is. I'd recommend to actually consult with a good lawyer about that so you are crystal clear about what's what. Some nonprofits are very well managed, others are a disaster waiting to happen. You don't want to find yourself on the wrong side of the liability table. You need to understand better what your rights and liabilities are regardless of protocols and crazy threats from parents.

 

Anyway, with all this stress and insanity, it certainly explains a lot about your mood swings. Try not to take out your misery and stress on your relationship.

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Thank you for writing such thoughtful response

 

I asked him when the last time he did one of those climbing trips...and he said 3 years ago. He used to go several times a year, but he's finding it harder now that he's working full time (as opposed to being in school) and hard to find friends to go with now that all of his friends are getting married and having kids. He doesn't have any trips currently planned. Honestly, I think he's in a bit of denial about getting older. Life changes, and I can see him trying to find the balance between the fun student that just graduated, and the man that works 16 hour days and has no free time. I think he just wants me to know that this is who he is, and he doesn't want me to tell him what to do. Like....I wasn't "allowed" to have opposite sex friends in my last relationship. I'm glad I can have my guy friends back (many of them I had to meet in secret, and it made me feel horrid)- I'm glad I can still hang out with my daughters father without it being a fight...I feel like this is a healthy relationship. When Jay and I talked about it, he said, "If anyone told me I wasn't allowed to have opposite sex friends, that relationship would end." And...I took it in the same way I took the warning about rock climbing trips...that he just wants to be himself, and he doesn't want someone else telling him what to do. I'm actually similar (ha), so I can relate. If someone tells me not to do something...I really, really want to do it! (my poor parents had such a hard time containing me) I've met most of his female friends, and there is clearly nothing happening, and I can see why he's friends with them- I really like all of them...he rarely sees them either (like yearly or twice yearly)....and I think....it's like how I don't think he'll have many of these climbing trips...but he wants to know that it's still okay. If that makes sense?

 

As for the "not ready to settle down" thing. I think it does freak him out. It kind of freaks me out too. But all I see is...that he spends pretty much all his time with me when he's in town. He's a guy that is planning a trip for Clementine and I to fly back with him to visit his family and friends for a week at Christmas. A guy who booked 5 days off work to help me with my art show. A guy that when I tell him I need something, he does it. Initially, I told him that I needed him to contact me everyday, so he texted. When I told him that wasn't enough...he now calls every night. I see a guy who has introduced me to his family and friends, made our relationship public on fb, talks about me to his friends that I haven't met (his bff called last night, and they talked for half and hour and I could hear him say things like, "oh we can all do that when we come out- Clementine will love that").

 

The rock climbing "not today" thing did bother me a bit, but it does make sense, I would find it incredibly boring to stand around and talk to strangers for 3 hours (at least he knows that much about me)...and he did invite me to go again since then (but I couldn't that day)...and I don't think he has anyone on the side...he's just not that kind of person. Maybe one day I'll eat my words...but he has done nothing to make me question his integrity, he's always honest with me (even if I don't like what he says)...and he's just a decent person. I don't see him being someone that has a whole other relationship on the side...he's never had a one night stand...he's a serial monogamist...but I am too *shrugs*. He has made it clear to me that he's "in", that he's serious, and that he means to do well by me. I trust him.

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