Starting Over....again.

[DancingFool]

Lol, fair enough. I'll see how the t shirt works out...if it doesn't turn out as cool as I'd hoped, I'll grab him something from his wishlist.

 

(See, where as I like practical gifts the best, so I thought sheets would be a good one as he was just talking about it the other day...I learn new things every day).

 

He is a big boy and he can buy his own sheets. Be careful about jumping into mommy/wifey role with those kinds of things. At 7 months you should still aim for the playful, fun, sexy gf role. This is coming from someone who loves practical herself, however, there is practical and then there is "hey babe, you needed new tidy whities...happy b-day." and you don't ever want to do that.

[Fudgie]

I think it's all about what sort of "vibe" you want to project in the beginning when it comes to presents. If you want to be see as fun/playful to him, then give gifts that go along that line, you know?

 

I got my "first gift" recently and it was a watt counter, for my outlet, so I could plug in different things into it and it would determine how many watts it was using, which could be translated into kwh over time. I was there when he bought it too, he bought it with a coupon which was a turn-on. To me, that gift says "practical" and "good listener" because he knows my feelings about my electric meter, how every time I walk past it, I give it an evil eye and look at the change in the kwh numbers.

 

I love my gift but it doesn't really say "Sex kitten" you know? (not that I want it to! haha)

 

It's always good to think about the "vibe" you want to send. And it's so true for gifts because it's something that he look at when you're not there and will think about you.

 

Here is an idea, you think sheets are practical but you also want to be fun/playful. Get him a nice set of smooth, sexy sheets, like satin or something and then give them to him and say that you want to give them a test run with him.

[christwowheels]

Judging by what I've read about you and Jay so far, it seems like a T- shirt made by you would be a perfect gift for him. After all, you're an artist and I'm sure that's one of the things he likes about you and so I would recommend going with that. As for the housing search, this is a very good sign. I know you've had some tough moments and doubts about his intentions, but the fact that he's clearly visualizing himself with you for the long haul is a very good sign.

[faraday]

If I had gotten him sheets, I would have been looking for deep pocket sheets more than...sexy sheets...because here those sheets would be a couple hundred dollars. And I like him...but I really doubt he would appreciate really nice sheets...he's more salt of the earth...he thought it was extravagant that I packed an air mattress when we went camping lol.

 

I'll post a pic of the shirt when I'm done...it won't be for a while though.

 

I'm trying not to read too much into the housing comment...it just kind of made me do a double take. Maybe he just doesn't think about things until someone plants the idea...like...how when we first started dating, we slept together sooner than either of anticipated, and so...I just kept on dating other people assuming he would. Finally, I couldn't do it anymore...I told him I didn't want to date other people...just him. And he was all nonchalant, "What? I haven't met anyone else since we met. I like you." but he would never say that unless I started the conversation. Then after that he started calling me his gf.

[hers]

Personally, I think moving in at 7 months is too fast (and this is coming from the girl who moved in with her husband at 6 months, engaged at 7 months, married at 18 months...I wish I had slowed my roll). And given the communication issues you guys have had...why the rush?

[faraday]

We aren't moving in together. We've just talked a bit about what things would look like if and when the relationship progresses to that point.

 

His landlord put his place up for sale...and Jay told me he thought about buying it...but didn't...because I've told him I would never live in his end of town.

[faraday]

I know that you love your husband hers....but do you think you would have ended up with him if you had waited? Why were you guys rushed?

[hers]

I wished we'd waited bc there literally was no rush. We didn't know each other well enough to marry at 18 months or well enough to move in at 6 or 7 months. There's no rush, not if you care about each other. Our marriage started out with bad karma and bad blood (long story buried in the depths of my journal if you are interested but also some threads about it) and I believe it was bc we really didn know each other well enough yet. I don't believe the same would happen to anyone else but better safe than sorry, you know?

[faraday]

I may go through your journal one day I don't feel rushed like...I need to lock this guy down, he's the one, or the only one...or anything like that. I do feel my biological clock ticking...and that's why I don't want to waste time with him if he doesn't think we have potential. A long as we both see a future happening, and we can grow our relationship (despite his crazy work schedule) I'm fine with waiting another year to move in together...and I'm fine waiting until after that for engagement. My issue has been with his crazy work schedule...it's hard to get to know one another when he's not here.

[BigKK]

glad to hear like you're more centered, although I know it's because Jay has just visited and hopefully you can stay positive and chipper! It sounds like you have a really good thing, the question is can you gamble the year and hope that things change, and also things continue to progress. I think it's worth the wait if you can stay sane in the mean time, it sounds like he's worth it

 

 

really liked the story about him and Tina interacting, sounds like a really good guy

[faraday]

Thanks I think he's a good guy...it really will depend on if he can get into the habit of phoning instead of texting. I should have told him sooner that phone calls might help....because I'm sure he would have started doing it sooner. He's been calling every night since he left. I have no idea if I'll hear from him tonight (but I doubt it- no cell towers in the ocean)...but since I'm not expecting it, I should be okay until he gets back.

 

Yeah, Clementine is a funny kid....and they click really well, which is nice- it gives me hope....even if I don't end up with Jay, I know that I can meet someone that is capable of having an honest relationship with her...and...it gives me this feeling of hope and gratefulness that I didn't have before. There are really good men out there. They exist, this can happen...and I don't have to settle for dating a guy that merely tolerates her because of me.

 

I ended up picking up a childrens book on reproduction...it explains all of our anatomy, how the sperm fertilizes the egg, how it turns into an embryo, and then a baby...and how the baby is born into a family. And it described all the families: a mom and dad, a mom, a dad, two moms, two dads, adopted families, extended families...and then step families. And she says, "I don't have a step dad or a step mom." and I said, "no, you don't. Mommy or daddy would have to get married. Then whoever they marry would be your step mom or step dad." "Yeah, that would be okay if you did that mommy." It was cute. I guess she's okay with it because she doesn't remember her dad and I together...or maybe she's just an old soul.

 

She's really fascinated with the idea that she has eggs in her right now. I explained that she can't have a baby until her body grows up....but she just thought that was so cool.

 

I have two commissions I'm working on right now Life is good.

[faraday]

Not a lot to report. He was gone for 7ish days in the middle of the ocean...so I didn't hear from him...and because I wasn't expecting to, I felt fine.

 

He's been back for 6 days. He's spent all of them with me. Not like...24/7...like, a morning here, a night here. It's been really nice His birthday just happened. I had two shirts made,

 

"Definition of "Interesting": Oh God, Oh God, we're all going to die."

 

and

 

"Also? I can kill you with my brain."

 

They're quotes from firefly...he seemed pretty excited about them. I also made him a key lime cake with white chocolate icing.

 

We spent the day before Thanksgiving with my family...which was really nice...and he spent Thanksgiving day with his family (and I popped by a few times...my roommate was sick, so I didn't want to take her out and I couldn't leave her at home for long...so).

 

It's just been really nice. Really easy.

 

I've been accepted into a huge 3 day Christmas festival...so he's currently trying to book it off work so he can help me This festival...is so exciting. It's so much freaking money though! It's going to cost me around $1600 to participate. I only have to sell 1 1/2 paintings to break even...which is doable...but...it's just...a really big upfront expense. It will be interesting. I'm scared.

[justagirl2]

I just went through your whole thread.

 

2 comments:

 

- I'm in love with your daughter's name. I love her nickname so much: "Tine". Adorable.

- Has Jay said: "I love you" yet?

[faraday]

Thank you Me too. I like the idea of naming children after traits you hope they will possess. Clementine means clemency...or merciful. I like that.

 

And no, not yet. And that's okay....he treats me as though he does...and it's become clear to me just how much of a priority I am to him...so I'm just going to trust him.

 

----------------------

 

So we had Thanksgiving last weekend...and I was talking to Tine about how the tradition of Thanksgiving was started...we talked about the feast...and how the pilgrims came over on a boat. Then she asks me, "Mommy, were you on the boat that the settlers came over in?" lol. I wonder when the grasp of time concept comes into play. I mean, it was bad when she asked the older ladies in check out lines if they "remember when we used to be monkeys together?" (referring to evolution)...but lately she's been asking me if I remember what dinosaurs smell like...and if I was born in this century. Thanks, kid.

[notalady]

Haha, your daughter sounds funny and cute!

 

I also like her name

[BigKK]

congrats on the christmas festival Faraday... I must ask, what do you do? I think it slipped through the cracks, I think it's art.

 

 

Sounds like you are much more balanced with regards to Jay taking off and leaving you alone. It's funny that we're in similar situations... I know Miss K doesn't travel as much as Jay, but she will be averaging almost missing 1 week a month which isn't even close to Jay, and 3 weeks in January. At first it was tough, but now I see it more of a chance to re-balance and miss her. Keeps it fresh, feels very different than when e-v-e-r-y single thing I did was with my ex.

 

 

I second notalady, I love the name Clementine

[DancingFool]

*sniff sniff*.....ummm the charming scent of balance

[faraday]

Ha. Yeah, who knew DF?

 

Yesterday...I actually wanted him to go home lol. It's been so nice spending so much time together, and we get along great...but...I just wanted some "me" time....and so did he...so...it worked out really well. I'm not sure if he's coming back tonight or not...I'm fine either way...I actually have a gf coming over tonight for an hour or two...so if he does come, he'll have to share me...He's coming over tomorrow night...because he leaves on Friday...for 3 weeks. We'll see how the communication when he's away goes....This will be the test.

 

It's an adjustment to not having them around, hey BKK? I usually struggle the most in the first couple of days because I adapt to him being here really quickly...then I'm fine for a while...then I start to miss him again.

 

I think a week a month is kind of awesome though...that would be perfect for getting errands and projects done. Just remember that when she gets back, she needs time for her too. That's the hard part...realizing that...while he's been gone, I've been here living my life...and that when he gets home, he needs to live his life too (like he had tons of tax stuff to do, bills to pay, and cleaning)...I think we're getting better at doing our own thing while together...I work on invoicing while he pays his bills kind of thing...it's kind of neat when things become more comfortable like that (although I know you've had that with MissK for a while).

[BigKK]

I find myself completely fine throughout the day usually... it's after work or when I'm in bed when I start wishing she was next to me. She is really loveable and it becomes kind of addictive. But alas, even the tastiest ice cream sometimes becomes bland if you have scoopfuls daily!

[faraday]

Haha that's why earlier I was talking about getting a sweaty shirt of his to put on a pillow. I can make a "Jay pillow" for when he's gone...and I only sound a little crazy

 

I think nights might be easier for me than you...because...the majority of the time, he's not here....so I'm more used to sleeping alone. It's actually kind of weird when he is here....like...harder to sleep. Not that I don't love when he sleeps over, because it's my favourite...I love waking up with him, and I love cuddling before sleep...I just...don't sleep as well *shrugs*. Probably because I'm not used to it.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[justagirl2]

I have weird sleeping hours/habits so I always sleep better alone. I mean, I love the feeling of sleeping with my bf, but my quality of sleep is def. better if I'm alone on my bed and can watch my shows, do my things, etc... I think that's super normal.

[Fudgie]

I sleep better with a SO than I do alone. I am not sure why but I think I'm the weird one because everyone else I know sleeps better alone! I tend to be a pretty deep sleeper though and my SOs were all rock sleepers. They would pick a position and generally not move til morning. I think if I had been with more normal sleepers, I'd feel differently.

 

I think if you do sleep better alone, it's okay to take some nights apart for sleep if you live together. Whatever works,right?

[faraday]

With other exes, sleeping together was more consistent...so I actually was used to sleeping with them...so it was weird and hard to sleep when they weren't there.

 

I think...2 nights a month isn't enough to make it normal...and I can hear him breathing and because I'm not used to it, it wakes me up. Like...there are red eyed monsters or toe eating gnomes in my room or something.

 

And also, I might have an overactive imagination.

[justagirl2]

I sleep better with a SO than I do alone. I am not sure why but I think I'm the weird one because everyone else I know sleeps better alone! I tend to be a pretty deep sleeper though and my SOs were all rock sleepers. They would pick a position and generally not move til morning. I think if I had been with more normal sleepers, I'd feel differently.

 

I think if you do sleep better alone, it's okay to take some nights apart for sleep if you live together. Whatever works,right?

 

That's my biggest worry with marriage. How am I going to get my nights alone? Also, when I have my own apt, I can come back home for 1-2 hours and take a nap and then meet my bf again. I wonder what it will be like when I have to live with someone 24/7. It scares me but I guess everyone kind of makes it work.

 

faraday - your daughter sleeps in her own room?

[Fudgie]

That's my biggest worry with marriage. How am I going to get my nights alone? Also, when I have my own apt, I can come back home for 1-2 hours and take a nap and then meet my bf again. I wonder what it will be like when I have to live with someone 24/7. It scares me but I guess everyone kind of makes it work.

 

faraday - your daughter sleeps in her own room?

 

For me, I've never lived with a guy in a "big" place (for me, that's a 1 bedroom, the biggest place I've shared with a SO) so I always had to be a little direct when it came to having my alone time. Alone time IS very important to me. If you're staying with someone in a 600 or 700 sq foot place, you may need to say something when you want alone time. For me, I would say "Well I want to unwind by myself for a bit" and I'd go into the bedroom and do whatever, watch TV, make phone calls, read, etc.

 

I would wager that most people, men and women, like their "me" time (to varying degrees, depending on them) and most people do get into relationship that involve cohabitation (married or not) and they make it work. If you look at the member "hers" on the forum here, she and her husband will sometimes take a whole apart to do activities and meet up with their own friends and do their own thing, and they make it work.