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Confused... Help?


Sophia

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I've been with my partner 4 years now and we've had our ups and downs but recently more downs!!

I know I can be quite snappy but I cooked him a romantic meal candle lit and everything, I surprise him with gifts like the new liverpool top and I queued up last night to buy him the new ps4 to surprise him! And all we do is argue! He has a son with his ex who is lovely but I still feel like there's something between them and every time I bring it up he shouts at me, I used to be laid back but he's changed me!!

Sorry I realise this is a bit of a rant and probably doesn't make sense but I don't know what to do!!

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He's cheated on me before and when he was drunk one night he rang her up for a chat and told her how I had to understand that him and her had a bond because of there son!

We've argued about it but he swears there's nothing going on!

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Of course he and the ex will always have a bond they have a child together. But theres a difference between a bond and love. A bond does not mean hes having it off with her.

 

But basically you do not trust him so why are you still in the relationship? If there is no trust then there is no relationship.

 

If it was me i would of kicked him out the first time he cheated because the relationship will never be the same.

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One thing I can say of all my relationships- I seemed to remain in them long after I should have left. I can pinpoint the moment in each one. Maybe not my last one but that's not the point...... In all the others there was a very specific moment that I look back on and think-- was I thinking. I'll tell you what I was thinking... Fear! Fear of being alone & fear of other people knowing we had problems.

 

If I have learned one thing, it is to move on when there are problems like lying, cheating, abuse.... Those things do not get fixed with forgiveness. All forgiving and staying shows the person is you will put up with whatever and it will get worse.

 

Four years is a long time, but as mrs Darcy said, it's better than 8 or 20. You are being so nice to him and he does not return it. Choose yourself. It's hard and it hurts like hell but in the long run you will be better off.

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[...] If I have learned one thing, it is to move on when there are problems like lying, cheating, abuse.... Those things do not get fixed with forgiveness. All forgiving and staying shows the person is you will put up with whatever and it will get worse.

 

Four years is a long time, but as mrs Darcy said, it's better than 8 or 20. You are being so nice to him and he does not return it. Choose yourself. It's hard and it hurts like hell but in the long run you will be better off.

 

I agree completely. Buying him gifts is a waste--you can't buy loyalty. Holding up presents as a means to get him to behave is futile, and it only makes you feel even more ripped off.

 

The guy cheated, he mistreats you and he takes you for granted. What exactly is so fabulous about him that you won't walk away?

 

Head high.

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