Is this severe depression or situational? Self destructive and feeling numbness.

[alexanicole]

I am almost 30 years old. I have been through alot, I have already been divorced, am a single mother of 2 little girls.

 

I am currently in a very dysfunctional relationship I am having a hard time getting out of even though it is probably best if I leave. I am codependant. My mother basically does not care about me for many years since she married my stepfather. My family is small and we are not close and I am still the black sheep (family functions, especially during the holidays are depressing as I am the loser compared to my little half brother who has a PHD I have no school). I have no friends. The ones I had were basically controlling and it was unhealthy.

 

I currently work as an entertainer to get by. My family refused to helpl me during hard times so I turned to dancing. The job is unfulfilling and I have to drink just to work. I am considering escorting bc my body hurts just working half a shift and making barely enough. I am getting old, bitter and depressed.

 

I feel nothing. My kids love me but they irritate me. My current husband and I dont live together and he is not very supportive. I feel so alone and sometimes think of suicide. I wake up with anxiety every morning and find it very hard to sleep.

 

Does this sound like severe depression? I dont have insurance btw, any suggestions? I want passiona and sparks in my life again. Yet I dont know if I really ever was genuinely healthy...I am afraid I am imploding.

[jjkk]

Yes sounds like depression. Your situation could definitely contribute to it, making it kind of like a bad cycle, you're depressed and can't find your way out of your situation, therefore stay in it and get more depressed type thing. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, sounds so painful. Some communities have discount dr.s you can see about maybe getting on meds and see if there's some sliding scale therapists close by so you can afford to get the help you need. You might have to ask around and do a little research but hopefully there's some options in your area. Best wishes.

[Thorshammer]

You could be depressed because you just are - or you could be depressed due to your current circumstances. I have noticed depression in people whos parents neglected them - or abused them. The anxiety, irritations, hopelessness, insecurity: all seem to point to depression, at least in my experiences in women. But, you will need a qualified professional to evaluate you - all we can say is that your feelings are obviously not normal.

 

Dont become an escort, dont put your body through that. Seek help, look for social groups in your area that work with depression - or self-help groups. Find more websites that can link you with people in your area that can offer help - you dont have to go to a top therapist for help.