I Feel that I May Be Alone Forever

[superfan]

I second what others have said about thinking this post was written by someone far older at first. You make it sound like 24 is the end of the line when in fact it is the total and complete opposite!

 

You are 24! For crying out loud that is still barely out of your teens! There are SO many other ways to get out there and meet people -even without being in specific socially geared institutions.

 

For example, did you know that statistically most people meet their partners not at a bar, or in high school, but through close friends? That's right, the majority of people who meet their life partners do so by being introduced through people you already know. Even if you work in a male dominated environment, I promise you that those guys will know women. Even if they aren't single themselves, their girlfriends or wives will have single friends...do you see where I am going here?

 

You have said you enjoy playing sports and have a group of friends...well use that to your advantage. Organize nights out with your pals, and encourage them to invite their partners/friends/anybody they want. Throw a house party and require that everybody bring ONE person with them that you have never met before. Even if you don't meet any single women, you will still meet new people and those new people might know single women. It will open up social avenues for you which will eventually lead you to finding someone. GUARANTEED.

 

And as others have said you might also need to go outside your comfort zones in order to find someone. Will volunteering in a homeless shelter get you meeting hot young 20-somethings? Maybe not, but there are MANY other ways in which young 20 somethings volunteer that aren't as "lame" as what you are envisioning.

 

I know you said you aren't in college any more, but are there any continuing education courses you could take? It really is about broadening your social horizons which is something you are avoiding right now.

 

To give you some perspective, I went through most of my young life single. I had the odd "relationship" in my teens and early 20s but I put them in quotations because with the exception of 2 of them, they didn't usually last more than a week. The longest lasted 6 months, but I didn't see the guy much and spent the bulk of that 6 months trying to figure out how to dump him without hurting his feelings. By the time I got to your age, that was pretty much the extent of my dating experience (I am told as a woman it was supposed to be much easier for me - that women can get men anytime they want but I certainly didn't experience that). I had not ever had a "serious" relationship.

 

Then I went on vacation to Scotland (I am Canadian) and because I had a friend that lived in Glasgow, I met up with her. She introduced me to her boyfriend and he introduced me to his friend. We kept in touch when I came back from vacation and eventually ended up getting into a relationship. We have now been married for 4 years and together for almost 7.

 

How old was I when we met?

 

24.

 

And I met him through friends.

 

While trying new things.

 

I realize you probably wouldn't want to go the route we did - long distance is tough. But my point here is to show you that nothing is ever absolute and if you narrow down your dating criteria to "I only want to meet women who are located conveniently and I don't want to have to do anything social to find them" then you inherently ensure your own failure.

 

Good luck.

[tiredofvampires]

Btw, I just have to say -- since when was volunteering with the homeless/in soup kitchens for matronly, frumpy women? There's some ridiculous perception/imagined stereotype emerging in this thread that hot, young women don't do "those kinds of things." There are lots of beautiful, fit women who care about more than shopping and getting drunk, and consider activities like this beneficial to their lives. Generally, you find people with good character qualities doing these things, at least the probabilities are increased, but that doesn't preclude their physical attractiveness. The false inference here is bizarre.

 

If these values matter to you, maybe you should reconsider your disregard of this idea. Or, continue to try to find these values among drunk, partying women at bars, and hope for a blue moon. (or maybe you don't have such values, in which case, nevermind.)

[superfan]

Btw, I just have to say -- since when was volunteering with the homeless/in soup kitchens for matronly, frumpy women? There's some ridiculous perception/imagined stereotype emerging in this thread that hot, young women don't do "those kinds of things." There are lots of beautiful, fit women who care about more than shopping and getting drunk, and consider activities like this beneficial to their lives. Generally, you find people with good character qualities doing these things, at least the probabilities are increased, but that doesn't preclude their physical attractiveness. The false inference here is bizarre.

 

If these values matter to you, maybe you should reconsider your disregard of this idea. Or, continue to try to find these values among drunk, partying women at bars, and hope for a blue moon. (or maybe you don't have such values, in which case, nevermind.)

 

Yeah I wondered where the association came from as well, but in this case I was just going with it because there are tons of ways to volunteer aside from soup kitchens and shelters that are just as meaningful. University campuses are FULL of such organizations.

[Ms Darcy]

I think folks are getting a little picky about the volunteering. It doesn't matter where you do it or with whom. However you choose to do it, it can be a very positive experience for you and the people with whom you are working.

[tiredofvampires]

I gave the OP a range of ideas for volunteering, made the point that it doesn't have to be any particular thing, and doesn't even have to be people-focused (could be animals, wildlife, etc.)

 

So I'm not sure where the "pickiness" is in your view, Ms. Darcy, but I was merely stating that you don't have to be some house frau to be working in a soup kitchen. I wanted to correct the OP's misperception that you can't be an attractive young woman and volunteer in such a place. I made it clear it doesn't matter where you volunteer, that was just one idea (and one that I think does a self-absorbed/self-centered person like the OP good), but it's stupid to make assumptions about what kinds of women, physically speaking, volunteer there.

 

To be honest, it appears the OP is probably too wrapped up in his own thing to be interested in this kind of thing anyway.

 

Over and out.

[Ms Darcy]

I wasn't referring to you TOV.

[catfeeder]

Btw, I just have to say -- since when was volunteering with the homeless/in soup kitchens for matronly, frumpy women? There's some ridiculous perception/imagined stereotype emerging in this thread that hot, young women don't do "those kinds of things." There are lots of beautiful, fit women who care about more than shopping and getting drunk, and consider activities like this beneficial to their lives.

 

Thank you, TOV. You have more patience than me. I'm perfectly willing to drop trying to convince someone with elderly, decrepit thinking that he could somehow attract a hot, young woman. I'm pretty much convinced that this kind of rigid mindset probably DOES end up alone.

[milly007]

To the OP: Have you ever considered talking to someone? Meaning, a therapist? I have read your posts and to be honest (and I know a few people have already mentioned this), you seem very negative. Maybe speaking with a professional and have them analyze your thoughts/behaviour will help you? I don't know; just a thought.

 

You don't sound happy, at all. And there's no way you can make anyone else happy or become part of a happy relationship if you're not happy yourself. Regardless of how good looking someone is, I have a strong feeling that your negative attitude may come accross (in different ways) to the women you have met (or are meeting).

 

It also sounds that you're lacking in self-confidence, which is essential when it comes to attracting a mate.

 

There's no doubt in my mind that this lack of self-confidence is contributing to your success rate with women. We can sense it fairly easily!

 

Seems like you have to work on your inner self and more than anything, you have to build up that confidence.

 

I would consider speaking with a professional, for what's worth.

 

It sounds like you set yourself up for rejection before you've even tried. You must change your mindset! Seriously!

 

Good luck!

[Thorshammer]

People advise against it but.. online dating. At you age, i was too shy and introverted to approach the girls who were hissing at me. I learned the ins and outs about dating from online, and i have ended up in 1 year and 3 year relationships, and though they ended rough, i wouldnt have traded them for the world- and it all started from the desktower and roadrunner internet supplier by my feet.

 

Thats kind of nuts, my desktop put the wheels in motion to meet the women i fell in love with for 3 years, who to this day STILL has a small influence in my life.

[Bigdave117]

For example, did you know that statistically most people meet their partners not at a bar, or in high school, but through close friends? That's right, the majority of people who meet their life partners do so by being introduced through people you already know. Even if you work in a male dominated environment, I promise you that those guys will know women. Even if they aren't single themselves, their girlfriends or wives will have single friends...do you see where I am going here?

 

 

And this right here is what drives me absolutely positive insane and makes me wonder if the universe is against me ever meeting somebody

 

 

I socialize CONSTANTLY. I go out to bars, clubs, parties, get togethers that are big and small, concerts, sporting events, there is nothing I don't do. I do it with many different groups of people and I do not meet women anywhere I go. Nobody in my social circle seems to know any cute single women that I can be with. It is just so infuriating cause every single person I meet seems to have met their GF through friends and it does not work for me

 

 

It comes back to the same thing over and over again - I have to cold approach. That's it, that's the only option. At this point, I could probably make another 3 dozen friends and I don't think any of them would know any girls either

[Bigdave117]

I don't mean to come accross as a negative person. I'm a very happy and positive person in almost all areas of my life. Dating is the one thing that has caused me constant frustration and suffering as I'm very lonely but I don't behave like that in social situations. You can ask my friends and they would tell you that I always try to have fun no matter what we're doing

 

 

As far as confidence goes. When I do have a situation where I could possibly make something happen - It's very difficult for me to do "it" - by it meaning all the steps required to possibly get a date. I had a lot of very bad habits and attitude in the past regarding dating (I felt like I could never be good enough to be loved) - I've erased most of that out and greatly improved my self esteem but so much of that attitude is so deeply embedded in my subconscious that it's hard for me to really put myself out there

[figur]

Forget trying bars for awhile. On Thursdays try a speed dating event, on Saturdays go dancing (real dancing, like salsa). There are always beginner friendly events. Go alone or bring a friend.

 

The only thing you can do is try new things.

[Bigdave117]

Forget trying bars for awhile. On Thursdays try a speed dating event, on Saturdays go dancing (real dancing, like salsa). There are always beginner friendly events. Go alone or bring a friend.

 

The only thing you can do is try new things.

 

 

I've always wanted to try speed dating but I've seen nothing but terrible reviews for it. Does it actually work?

[Nightvision]

And this right here is what drives me absolutely positive insane and makes me wonder if the universe is against me ever meeting somebody

 

I do not meet women anywhere I go. Nobody in my social circle seems to know any cute single women that I can be with. It is just so infuriating cause every single person I meet seems to have met their GF through friends and it does not work for me

 

 

It comes back to the same thing over and over again - I have to cold approach. That's it, that's the only option. At this point, I could probably make another 3 dozen friends and I don't think any of them would know any girls either

 

 

I've always wanted to try speed dating but I've seen nothing but terrible reviews for it. Does it actually work?

 

Those 2 posts show that there is a negative attitude. Like I said, that has been my attitude towards the subject: I won't meet anyone, I can't meet anyone but I did have the luck of meeting my ex.

 

Change that attitude, don't go to an event thinking you must meet somebody. Hope for the best and expect the worst.

 

Be happy that you at least had ONS's, I never had one

 

It's better to expect your friends girlfriend's to know cute single girls.

[Bigdave117]

It's better to expect your friends girlfriend's to know cute single girls.

 

 

Don't worry, I've tried that to no avail

 

 

Cold approach is my only choice at this point. That's what the world keeps telling me over and over again

[Mr_LFA]

Don't worry, I've tried that to no avail

 

 

Cold approach is my only choice at this point. That's what the world keeps telling me over and over again

Cold approach can work once you are able to quickly shake off the first few rejections, then it'll become easier. It's just a numbers game really with a bit of luck thrown in too.