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Guess who I met last night ?


newstart12

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Hello All,

 

I started a new job a few weeks ago and had an immediate connection with a coworker , unfortunately, my boss. He is a few years older than me and both of us could not keep our eyes off of each other. I unexpectedly received a text message from him soon after being hired that was work related. Somehow we ended up chit chatting all night about anything and everything. Since then we have been in touch nearly every night. Very innocent topics, our favorites, what have you. This past week we both acknowledged to each other that there was something there and how much we are attracted to each other. When I tell you we get in touch with each other whenever possible I am not exaggerating. He said he had not been able to get me out of his head since we had met and how wonderful our conversations have been. It has all been very natural and wonderful. We agreed to keep work professional and that whatever happens outside of work happens. It had been a short amount of time but we were both so anxious to see and talk to each other often. Honestly I was a little overwhelmed by it.

 

Fast forward to this week. I am at work involved in our grand opening party. There was a young woman standing alone so I went over to introduce myself and make her feel welcomed. I complimented her beautiful dress and tried to include her in the festivities. I end up asking her how she came to be there that night and she tells me she is dating the boss. The very man who has been talking to me non stop for the past couple of weeks. I was absolutely floored. I am not a confrontational person so I let it go for the night, I also had no clue what to say to him.

 

Now I know this has happened to everyone at some point. I am not trying to be naive. However, I do believe we had a connection. I do not know what to say to him or do from here. That entire night he very obviously made a point to avoid me and could not seem to bring himself to look at me. From what I have learned of him thus far it seems incredibly out of character.

 

Alright guys, give me your best.

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Very much doubt it is out of character for him. Your relationship outside of work is a "secret" so how could you be sure that he doesn't have several? I would start looking for another job. Your career advancement just came to a screeching halt.

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Wow, sorry, that's an awful awkward situation. I wouldn't have anything to do w/ him outside of work, keep it strictly professional while working. If he texts you about non-work related subjects, ignore. If he asks what's up w/ ignoring, you can tell him but don't open the door to anything more w/ him. He's not someone you want a relationship with.

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Thank you for your replies

 

Can i throw out a possible scenario ? Is there any chance in hell that their relationship is not working for them ( or him ? ) and last night was a complete accident? I say this because we were chit chatting on the way into work. He seemed absolutely stunned that she was even there that night. This is just all so strange. This woman seems to not exist anywhere. I've never heard anyone mention her to him and ( we are living in 2013 ) we are all on our workplaces Facebook page, she doesn't seem to be anywhere in his life.

 

Also, he isn't exactly keeping this a secret at work. Before last night he was very affectionate with me in the workplace and HIS boss even cracked a joke about how he obviously likes me.

 

I feel like a child telling this story. My heart just aches a bit because I was so caught off guard last night. At the end of the day its just very unfortunate that this happened where I need to work so closely with someone.

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That's funny -because you can't find her on social media she doesn't exist? She does -she claims to be dating your boss and she was at a work event. Are you telling yourself she is stalking him? He is behaving inappropriately if he's in an exclusive relationship - if you get involved with him you'll wonder who he's talking to whenever he's not with you. Not much fun.

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You should be glad that you bumped into her because otherwise you would of still been pursuing the guy and it could of gone further (you could of had casual sex when you want more). You dodged a bullet, leave him be he obviously isnt worth it.

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Batya33, haha no i hear you, i wasn't implying the social media is the end all answer ( I barely use Facebook ) I was using it as an example that its just blew me away to have never heard of her from him or anyone i work with. We have all gotten to know each other really well and I can tell you i know about every single of other coworkers gf/bf.

 

Also the reason why I am even really hurt by this is because in our talking to each other it felt like a very natural progression of liking someone. We talked for hours about our " favorites " and what not. This past week we very openly discusses our sexual attraction to eachother. In a very blunt way. Meeting someone that he is potentially going home to every night ( which by the way , how do you find the time to talk to me for hours every night ? ) was just baffling.

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Well....if he is the cheating type then don't you think he would try to keep his relationship under wraps for exactly this type of scenario? Also, never assume that you just know everything about everybody in a new workplace. The truth is that you don't know much at all. Only surface friendliness while you are in the honeymoon stage of new to the group. You have no idea of the underlying politics and haven't been there long enough to even scrape the surface of that.

 

The fact is that his gf came because he invited her. He also carefully avoided you while in her sight. So yeah.....that should tell you everything you need to know. The thing with relationships is that they are not like fairy books. You will come accross people you are attracted to, have chemistry with even though you are with someone already. To remain loyal or to get involved to any degree with someone else is a choice. There is no such thing as the one or soulmate. You'll meet many in your life who will test the strength of your loyalty to your SO.

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At least now, you know of 'her'.

Also- dating a 'boss' is never a good choice. It can affect your work place in many ways, not good.

 

I suggest you no longer msg him etc. I guess he's aware you met her & know who she is. Was great of him to invite 'her' to this thing too, eh?

 

IF he tries to msg you again.. be negligent. don't 'jump' into a thrill over it. Be boring.. non excited over him. He's screwed up- but GOOD thing in a few ways.

YOU do not need to be dating a 'boss'..right? Ya dodged the bullet here.

 

Good luck with the workplace..

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Dont delude yourself into believing this guy is genuine. IF hes not into her then he should have dumped her before he became all flirty with you so dont make excuses for him. This is a huge red flag and you should never ignore red flags. Start looking for a new job now. Make excuses that your busy and have to go e

when he texts and get outa there asap. Hes a liar and a cheat. Dont go there

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So you've been flirting with your BOSS, outside of work. RED FLAG. The boss should never ever fraternize with employees from work. Period.

Then you meet someone who says she is dating him, at an event I am certain HE invited her to. Why else would he purposely ignore you all night? Hmmmm... He sounds like a real catch. Not.

 

That said, I wouldn't even ask him about her. I would simply be professional, and don't answer any more of his texts.

Anything else is telling him you're willing to date a cheater.

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