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Long distance ex boyfriend want back


Amy1234

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So I've been in a long distance relationship for almost a year now. He broke up with me about two weeks ago and these past weeks I was constantly contacting him because I couldn't deal and I wasn't hearing from him. Pretty much we've been on and off for a couple of months just because I've been so frustrated with the distance and we got into arguments because he doesn't know when he's moving back. So he felt the pressure and I guess that I didn't appreciate him when I didn't mean it to come off that way at all. I just love him so much and I guess I focused on him too much and pressured him, which pushed him away. I sent him another text and he never responded and I just feel awful and like I've made this all worse and screwed everything up. I just feel like I pushed him too much. I mean we were in love and he was great, but I feel like I had so much anxiety and focused on all the little things and was so negative and didn't look at the bigger picture. So now he's gone and I just want him back, and don't know what to do. And he's the type of guy that once he likes someone he only likes them, so I'm terrified he will meet someone or already has and think how they appreciate him better. But it's not that I never appreciated him it was just so hard to tell with the distance. I mean I was fully in love, and still am. I just wish I could tell him that I have appreciated him, and I just let the stress stupidly take over. But I've texted him so much and he didn't respond to the last one, so I just don't know what to do.

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We've been together for a year and a half. He lives in Cali, and always planned to live there for a year to two years his whole life. He said he didn't wanted to stay out there for good but loves it right now and feels like I'm pressuring him to come back. I get his side, and I see that I let my anxiety get the best of this, and didn't appreciate what I had because of that. We are so great together so I don't know how to go about this.

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Think of it this way. If you care about this person then you will stop contacting him because he obviously does not wish to hear from you right now. Continuing to contact him is self-absorbed -it's all about your need to hear from him and is not about caring about him as a person. Also giving him space gives him time to experience life without you and perhaps to miss you. Please don't try to convince someone to be with you.

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were you alternating visiting each other, planning visits, communicating regularly, having "virtual" dates? it can be VERY hard to transition into an ldr when you are used to living close to or with each other. and there needs to be both strong feelings and a commitment or the relationship will fall apart. I am not sure if your lack of appreciation is what doomed the relationship. (I do know that not many people will stay with a miserable, complaining partner whom they rarely see and can't touch.) were the other things in place to make you feel your ex was there for you as a boyfriend, even if not in person?

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I never thought about it as being selfish before I was just trying to save the relationship. We were keeping in contact and skyping. I know that's what I was worrying about the complaining part. Ugh I just wish I didn't and realized. I just don't want him to think I didn't appreciate him. I did all of that because I love him and didn't want to lose him. It wasn't to drive him away

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Love is only the basis to make a relationship work, especially over distance, but there are so many more requirements. He probably knows that you loved him, but he didn't want and couldn't deal with the way you were expressing your love.

 

The only thing you can do is to leave him alone and to deal with your anxiety. This may not bring this particular person back, but it will be beneficial for all your future relationships

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sadly this ^^^. actions speak louder than words. you can show your remorse and

your strength by going NC and beginning your grief process. (my last significant relationship, an ldr, failed. I think that these breakups are more painful than others. my heart goes out to you.)

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I never thought about it as being selfish before I was just trying to save the relationship. We were keeping in contact and skyping. I know that's what I was worrying about the complaining part. Ugh I just wish I didn't and realized. I just don't want him to think I didn't appreciate him. I did all of that because I love him and didn't want to lose him. It wasn't to drive him away

 

Yes but it's all about you -you didn't want to lose him but you didn't consider whether your over-contacting him was annoying or worse. That's the missing part -loving is about giving and sometimes giving means giving space.

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I suggest working on moving on. He is happy where he is, which is long distance for you both.

YOU are getting anxious & frustrated with the fact.. and he is now reacting negatively to this? Which means YOU have to back off.

 

Best bet for you is to let him go.. I feel. Sorry.....

Work on accepting this fact. He is NOT near to you, like you'd like. Then maybe it's time to accept these challenges and differences and work on letting go.

 

It hurts, I know- but I think for your own 'mentality & your heart'..you need to walk away from this.

 

tc

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I know I need to go NC but I just don't want me to have pushed him so far away where he is completely done or into someone else. Do you think there's no hope?? I just wish I could've explained my thought process more because I really didn't mean anything the way it came off as at all

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you can't undo the past. you already pushed him away. regardless of what the motivation was behind the actions, he made his choices based on those and you HAVE to accept that.

 

explaining yourself and your thought process is NOT going to make a difference, but only push him further away

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Go NC please listen.

That's your only hope / chance.

 

The more you push the more he runs. Respect his wishes. That doesn't mean you have to sit around waiting for him. Go out, enjoy yourself. Let him see that you too want to have a life and want to have fun.

 

Don't contact any more. He will notice that you have stopped and it will make him think of you more.

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I just can't accept it and how if you enjoy each other so much how can it all end

 

Because unfortunately not all relationships work out. My sense is that you were ignoring signs that he was unhappy, just like you were ignoring whether all this texting was positive for him.

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