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Uncomfortable after viewing documentary

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Hi everyone


I'm not posting this message for a response really. Just kind of wanting to vent some feelings to a community that can understand...


I saw the documentary "Bridegroom" on Netflix last night. I knew I'd regret watching it because of its content. A few notes/feelings:


1. How terribly sad. Very sad. Sad enough to stop me in my tracks numerous times over the past 24 hours, and I'm guessing it will keep doing so for at least another couple of days. Powerful.

2. I can't imagine how Shane must have felt. Again, very depressing. Major props to him for being a part of the project to tell his and Tom's story.

3. What a romantic story up until that night.


and probably my most selfish comment;


4. It makes me sad because I've never had a relationship like this one was. I believe one of the individuals in the documentary commented on this. I think what initially got me was Tom's story and the lead up to his first relationship. I want to experience this kind of attraction and love.


I live in the same area of Los Angeles as these boys did, but I'm a little younger than they were at the time. It all happened a couple months before I moved to California. I can count on one hand how many guys I've ever had feelings for, and they were mostly flings, ending for one reason or another. I understand not everyone will experience love like these boys did, but my heart aches for that kind of connection... to be swept off my feet, as I'm sure plenty of people fantasize about.


I have tried the online dating/app scene. It's good if you're looking for a hookup, which I'm not. The idea of being set up on a blind date by some friends to "force" me to meet someone sounds so romantic to me, assuming there is a connection.


Many people have told me that love finds YOU and NOT to go out looking for it. I think this is a perfect example of that. I can only hope that I'm lucky enough to find someone like these two did. I just can't help of thinking of ways to make it happen faster. A guy can get lonely.


A former "fling" who I was very much falling for said during the break up (he broke up with me) that "you hit all the right places. You did all the right things. I'm even sitting here right now admiring how cute you are. There's just no spark." That left me confused, and I'll admit that his face comes to mind when I picture my happily-ever after relationship. Unfortunately, we rushed things very fast, and although this happened and worked out in Shane and Tom's relationship, it usually doesn't work out. 15 months later and I'm over him now, but there's a small part of me that still desires him and his company. I've never met anyone who made me feel the way he made me feel. Maybe some day our lives will cross paths again if it's meant to be.


If you're down for a cry over a true love story, then I recommend checking out "Bridegroom". Maybe it will give you a new perspective on a few things.


Yes, this post is me feeling sorry for myself. But their story did affect me. 2 1/2 years later and Shane and Tom will be in my thoughts, even though I didn't know them.


Thanks for reading

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