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He cheated and I ended up, but now I miss him!


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I'd only been seeing my ex for a couple months, but that doesn't change the fact that I cared for him and really thought this was the one. We had met back in September and dated a week before he broke up with me, by text no less, saying it wasn't going to work. It was easy to walk away at that point since I barely knew him, though of course I was confused and a little hurt. A week later he contacted me saying he'd made an awful mistake and hadn't been able to get me off his mind. He asked for my forgiveness and if I could find it in my heart to give him another chance. I felt he was very sincere, so I told him I was at least open to talking and being friends, but anything else we'd have to play by ear. At the time I was out of the state visiting my family and planned to be gone for three weeks to a month, which I explained to him. We agreed this was a great opportunity for us to talk and determine if we were compatible. For the next three weeks he would text me from the time he got up for work, around 5 in the morning, constantly throughout the day, call and talk, sometimes for hours in the evening, and I always got a goodnight text. We talked about everything, our situations in life, our families, our personal issues, what we felt made a good relationship, the definition of cheating, how much time and attention a good relationship took, our sexual likes and dislikes, favorite activities and foods, I mean everything! We also talked about the reasons for the break up and cleared the air. Within a week we had both decided we really wanted to pursue a relationship together due to how compatible all our core beliefs and values were. The calls and messages progressed to flirtation, cute little cartoons, calling me baby all the time, of course some nude pics, just the fun and romantic stuff all relationships start off with. I have to say I was falling in love with this very attentive, and seemingly perfect for me man. Three weeks in he came to visit me for the weekend because by this point it had been a month since we'd seen each other and I guess we both needed some face time to put the last piece in place. It was perfect, no kidding, perfect. We had an awesome time together, he met my family, who all loved him, and I felt the first stirring of a real love growing. He even hinted he was having the same feelings. Before he left he confirmed with me that we were in a committed relationship, and we talked about how excited we were for our future. After he left oddly the texts slowed down and they weren't as flirty anymore. I sensed something was wrong, so did some reading, and everything seemed to indicate that it wasn't uncommon for a man to pull back a little once he's made a commitment as he begins to come to terms with what a relationship means to his freedom. Since we had been so open since reconnecting I broached the subject, and he said he is a selfish man, listed all the things he likes to do, his need for alone time, etc. It seemed he was backing off what we had talked about wanting, so I let him know if he was having doubts that he should be honest and we could walk away. He of course said he wasn't and didn't want that. Still, the communication continued to not be what it once was, but I was returning to our area that weekend and believed things would normalize. The first week back the communication was still not good, he never called, texted here and there, and though he had me over four times that week, it was always last minute and not planned ahead of time. I enjoyed his company, but just kept feeling something had changed. After the weekend he became more distant, so I called and asked if there was a problem. He said his teenage daughter didn't like that I was staying over so we wouldn't be able to do that anymore until she knew me better, unless she was staying at her mothers, and then it would be fine. I live 30 minutes from him, and nearly every time I'd been over was after work, so I said this would impact us if we weren't vigilant in maintaining the relationship. I asked that he begin calling again as he once had, that he make more of an attempt to get back to the more personal nature of our texts rather than the scripted dialogue he now adhered to, and we would have to make time for us, such as date nights and so on. He agreed and said he'd make more of an effort. That week he never asked me over, and the texts remained distant and sparse, so on Wednesday I asked if I could see him. I went over and he told me his daughter was at her mothers for the night. After dinner he took me to the bedroom and we were intimate, but it was different somehow. There was no concern for my satisfaction, he did something he'd never done before (don't want to go into detail), made a rude comment at one point that hurt my feelings, and wasn't close with me after. He then told me I still had to go home, which caused an argument over the fact that his daughter wasn't even there. We made up, but it just seemed as if the man I'd got to know was gone and I was left with this selfish and cold person who by his actions did not seem invested in making us work. On Friday he told me he was home doing laundry, but then I heard nothing from him that night, no goodnight for the first time in six weeks, and the next morning no good morning either. I had expected him to spend time with me that weekend, but he didn't text, didn't call, and when I did his answers were one word, and my call went unreturned. My intuition was going crazy, so when I saw him online around ten Sunday night I asked if we were ok. He said he was having family issues he needed to concentrate on and he'd talk to me tomorrow. The app he was using tagged him in the town of his ex-girlfriend, and suddenly it all became very clear. I asked if he'd been with her all weekend, and he confirmed he had, but claimed nothing had happened, he just needed a place to go and clear his head. I reminded him he told me they had not been in touch since their break up three months prior, and he admitted he'd lied and that they were good friends. This is a woman he told me on several occasions he thought he would have married if she hadn't had so many issues, so to now tell me nothing happened was laughable. He insisted I was wrong, he had not cheated, and that I needed to have trust. Now I understood all the distance and changes, it had never been just he and I in this relationship, she had been in the background the entire time. I angrily told him he was not the man I thought, he was a liar and a cheater and we were through. The next day he tried to convince me I was wrong and there was something wrong with me for not trusting him. I told him a man doesn't lie to and ignore his girlfriend unless he's doing something he knows he shouldn't. I said his choice to spend the weekend with his ex, whether anything happened or not, was the final straw for me, and that the trust was gone. I haven't spoken to him in two days. He blocked me on facebook, I deleted all his pictures and contact info, not to mention all those messages that had made me fall for him. I went through two days of blinding anger at having been so deceived, and now today the regrets and sadness are setting in. I know this is normal, and as long as I continue no contact and distraction I will get through this fairly quickly and with as little pain as possible, but right now it just hurts. I'm asking myself if I should have listened and talked, maybe there was a good explanation, basically justifying all his actions even when logically I know there is no justification. If I had done these things I would fully expect any man to end a relationship with me. I guess I just needed to vent through my first day of sadness and regret and reach out for encouragement as I keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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please indent and chop this into paragraphs, no one likes reading walls of text..

 

sounds like a rough start for a relationship, he breaks up week 1? Red flag? you guys weren't right for each other. I didn't see the part where he cheated, but I guess you assumed he cheated, it doesn't even matter since you may have just been the girl on the side. He goes hot and cold, and most of your relationship was lived out through text.

 

Sorry you're hurting, but don't contact him and just move on...you deserve someone that actually cares rather than has a girlfriend of convenience.

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I don't think you miss him so much as you miss the construct of the dream and the potential of this relationship. It was cruel of him to do to you what he did and then coldly play you off by making it sound like you were the one who was wrong.

 

There is no good explanation for being a bald faced liar. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. {{hugs to you}}

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