ok, i think it's gotten to the point of obsession.

[deejay74]

Actually, there IS something you can do that will greatly influence how much pain you feel, and for how long... it's called No Contact.

 

Really, at your age, this shouldn't be such a hard concept to grasp.

 

boy you're persistent. i am not going to contact her or respond to her anymore.

 

sometimes i can be hard headed. but really, even going NC won't take the pain away for a while. and that's what i hate: time. yes, i know contact does set things back or "reset" the clock like the previous post i made.

[cryingalways]

Noooo connntaaacccttt. If I can do NC for 7 weeks and counting ANYONE can do it.

 

Give yourself a break from her at least. She's screwing with your head.

 

You will still feel bad but not AS bad over time. I still feel awful but compared to how I was a couple weeks ago it's an improvement. I can actually eat food now! And sleep alright! And not cry all the day long-I still cry most days but not all day long.

 

It seems impossible to feel alright I know but we can get there. What have you got to loose from trying?

[sharky988]

I'm persistent because you're too smart -- and too old -- to be continuing in this way without being more honest with yourself about what's going on!!

 

YOU DON'T YET KNOW what NC will give you, because you haven't tried it yet!

 

When you've been NC for a few months, then you can say it doesn't work for you.

[deejay74]

Noooo connntaaacccttt. If I can do NC for 7 weeks and counting ANYONE can do it.

 

Give yourself a break from her at least. She's screwing with your head.

 

You will still feel bad but not AS bad over time. I still feel awful but compared to how I was a couple weeks ago it's an improvement. I can actually eat food now! And sleep alright! And not cry all the day long-I still cry most days but not all day long.

 

It seems impossible to feel alright I know but we can get there. What have you got to loose from trying?

 

Thanks for the support and encouragement.

 

I'm actually ok. I am eating and sleeping fairly well. I am trying to spend as much time as possible with friends.

 

the problem is, like the title of my thread is, i can't stop thinking about my ex.

 

NC can help me heal and move on and i hope it will lessen the thoughts of her too.

 

I'm persistent because you're too smart -- and too old -- to be continuing in this way without being more honest with yourself about what's going on!!

 

YOU DON'T YET KNOW what NC will give you, because you haven't tried it yet!

 

When you've been NC for a few months, then you can say it doesn't work for you.

 

Ok, I got it! lol!!

 

Hey, I'm not THAT old. lol. At least I look young.

 

I'm dreading next month tho. I will go NC and at the same time, our 1 year anniversary would've been on the 5th, and I am gonna have to spend Christmas alone. That's gonna be rough.

[sharky988]

You're too old to be in denial about staying in contact with your ex online.... You're too old to be in denial about WHAT YOU'RE DOING to prolong your own suffering.

 

You're too old to be saying "hey I went two whole weeks without contact and it DIDN'T work for me..."

 

You're almost FORTY. Looking young isn't BEING young.

[cryingalways]

Sharky speaks the truth Deejay. 2 weeks is not a lot. You've got to give it a better go than that. And like I said before, what have you got to loose? You don't even want to be in this relationship!

[deejay74]

You're too old to be in denial about staying in contact with your ex online.... You're too old to be in denial about WHAT YOU'RE DOING to prolong your own suffering.

 

You're too old to be saying "hey I went two whole weeks without contact and it DIDN'T work for me..."

 

You're almost FORTY. Looking young isn't BEING young.

 

Lol. I hear you, I hear you. You're right. No excuses. I do have issues that make it a little more difficult, I think. Such as abandonment issues. I am working on this with my therapist, so it won't be cured overnight. I wish had taken care of this before I got into this last relationship. And, part of the difficulty of not being strong enough to stick with strict NC is from low self-esteem. which, again, i am working on and yes, i wish i had taken care of this long ago.

 

Sharky speaks the truth Deejay. 2 weeks is not a lot. You've got to give it a better go than that. And like I said before, what have you got to loose? You don't even want to be in this relationship!

 

2 months since BU, 2 weeks of NC, but that was broken on Monday. I guess it's only been 2 days now. so, i will keep it going from now on.

 

Thanks for your support and responses.

[sharky988]

Your issues are no more of an excuse for you at 40 than the 20 year old freshman posting here about his inability to stick to NC with his first true love...

 

You've got what -- 48 HOURS NC...... seriously. You can do better.

[cryingalways]

I have major abandonment issues-which is probably why my abusive ex left me AGAIN to be a horrible evil witch man-but I am still maintaining NC. It is very very very very hard and I think the same can be said to all on here who are going NC for their own well being. But the point is that through the time your opinions change etc. If you want to not be obsessed this will help that obsession change for sure. I still think about mine lots and am obsessed-it has been 7 weeks NC for me and since BU-but at least my opinion is changing of him/us and in time I will be less obsessed. I think I am less obsessed though, at the start I would literally see memories of him all around me constantly crying at anything and everything. So you know, be kind with yourself. It takes ttiiiimmmeee (yes I said the word again).

[Cheetarah]

I hear you, deejay!! So many insecurity issues of mine led me to being with my ex. I have been working diligently since being able to recognize and acknowledge them for the last 20 months. I just more recently dabbled a little in the dating pool. I had the same feelings like, "Damn..why did I wait so long, feel like I wasted many chunks of my life in needless suffering." But as someone told me, you're never too old and it's never too late.

[cryingalways]

And join a club! Clubs help

[deejay74]

Your issues are no more of an excuse for you at 40 than the 20 year old freshman posting here about his inability to stick to NC with his first true love...

 

You've got what -- 48 HOURS NC...... seriously. You can do better.

 

well, i've been carrying those issues all my life and never tried to overcome them until now. so regardless of my age, it does affect me and i am finally doing something about it. i've always had issues with break ups, this one is the worst.

 

yes, i can do better. i just have to believe it.

 

thanks, again.

[Cheetarah]

Can I recommend a book?

 

link removed

 

You mention abandonment issues...I loved this book. Loved it. First picked it up maybe 7 years ago when I was dealing with a break up. Read it so much I split it in half and eventually indulged in the kindle version.

[deejay74]

Yeah, i think my abandonment issues did have an effect on the demise of the relationship. i think i pushed her away, but i am not saying i am all to blame. i am being quite hard on myself. Yes, there's that word again. lol.

 

 

 

I'm glad you're working on your issues too. I don't think I am ready to date just yet, but I am looking forward to when that time comes. I gotta remember what you last said there.

 

 

 

I have! I joined a couple of link removed groups. it has helped a bit.

 

 

 

sure. you know what? I actually had that book many years ago, but lost it. I need to get it again. Thanks for the reminder.

[sharky988]

well, i've been carrying those issues all my life and never tried to overcome them until now. so regardless of my age, it does affect me and i am finally doing something about it. i've always had issues with break ups, this one is the worst.

 

yes, i can do better. i just have to believe it.

 

thanks, again.

 

Dude, you're too old to be playing hide and seek with what's REALLY going on. "Issues" isn't an excuse.... it's time to man up, go NC and just deal with reality. You're not in your 20's... not even in your 30's anymore really! Time to man up.

[Cheetarah]

Oh no, you are not ready to date. By a landslide. No sir, you are not even close. But that's ok, because you don't need to be. You need to be working on Mr. deejay.

 

Do you have a journal here? Do you think you might want to have one? ..Can get good feedback. It is always good to widen your support network.

[deejay74]

Dude, you're too old to be playing hide and seek with what's REALLY going on. "Issues" isn't an excuse.... it's time to man up, go NC and just deal with reality. You're not in your 20's... not even in your 30's anymore really! Time to man up.

 

i get that you're trying to give me tough love, but unless you have unresolved issues, they get worse over time. yes, i really need to go strict NC, i am finally accepting that. what i was trying to explain is that my "issues" add a little complexity to the problem of moving on, no matter how old i am.

 

i'm gonna man up and deal with my issues at the same time! so there! lol!!

 

thanks for your tough love. i mean it.

 

Oh no, you are not ready to date. By a landslide. No sir, you are not even close. But that's ok, because you don't need to be. You need to be working on Mr. deejay.

 

Do you have a journal here? Do you think you might want to have one? ..Can get good feedback. It is always good to widen your support network.

 

hmm, that might be better than my tumblr blog. i don't really get feedback there. thanks for the suggestion.

 

i have a feeling my ex is dating someone. but that's not my problem. her new guy, if she has one, can deal with her issues now.

[deejay74]

I've completely deleted my tumblr account. step 1.

[pippy longstocking]

I've completely deleted my tumblr account. step 1.

 

well done dj ..we are with you all the way

[sharky988]

I've completely deleted my tumblr account. step 1.

 

Yayyy -- way to go!!!

 

Now make sure you've got her email address BLOCKED -- or create a *filter* so all incoming emails go straight to trash -- or just simply shut down your old email account and open a new one.

 

How else does she contact you? You want to close every door. This is how you create LASTING No Contact for yourself. If your ex still feels compelled to engage with you for any reasons -- be it out of boredom, guilt, passing loneliness, self-righteous indignation, whatever -- you want to make it almost impossible for her to reach you. She shouldn't be able to just tap out a text or shoot off an email without thinking. It should be WORK for her to get through to you.

 

Imagine if you had already blocked her email.... this most recent exchange likely wouldn't have happened at all! She would've sent her message and never gotten a reply... you never would've known she was reading your blog... it would be business as usual for you -- and she'd have to deal with NOT having you in her back pocket anytime she feels like yanking the chain.

 

The holidays are coming up: it's about to be Breadcrumbs Season! Don't make it easy for her to get to you. YOUR healing is more important than leaving the door open for contact.

[deejay74]

First of all, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I truly wish everyone on here a HAPPY one.

 

Actually, I had been reaching out to her in the past (weeks ago). I wish I could block emailing her from myself. I have many email addresses but she only ever sends me messages to one of them. I think she's better at blocking than me because she blocked my main email address so about a month ago, I reached out to her through the other addresses. wrong, i know, and i haven't sent anything since. She made it work for me to email her. lol.

 

i'm very close to deleting my Instagram account. i've had her facebook account blocked for a long time.

 

I don't know why, but doing this makes me sad.

 

come to think of it, maybe that's why she deleted her instagram and tumblr accounts as well. but as i keep saying, that's a really a great effort on her part because her life is all online and she lives for attention online.

[deejay74]

i just deleted my instagram account too.

 

why am i so sad about this?

[Cheetarah]

Thanks, Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!

 

i just deleted my instagram account too.

 

why am i so sad about this?

 

Use your noodle! It's a 'tie' severed to her.

 

It doesn't matter why she deleted it. It matters why you do.

[deejay74]

Thanks, Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!

 

Use your noodle! It's a 'tie' severed to her.

 

It doesn't matter why she deleted it. It matters why you do.

 

You think so? I have no idea if she was still looking at my Instagram profile. It didn't feel like a "tie" to her. Now there's no ties to her at all on any social media, she blocked my cell/txt shortly after the BU, and I removed all my social media (except for FB but like i said she's blocked. i blocked her family too). she cannot see anything that I am or would be doing online, nor can I of her, unless I unblock her on FB. but even if i did, what i could see would be limited. i had 2 other Facebook accounts that I had set up long ago, but I just had them submitted to be deleted permanently.

 

Ugh, today is supposed to be a happy day. my family is coming over to have thanksgiving in my apartment, the same one my ex was supposed to be living in. my parents have been here since saturday. i should be looking forward to tonight, and i am, but i just cried a bit after deleting all of my social media accounts.

[Cheetarah]

Ok, it's like when I used to play a particular MMO with an old ex of mine - When I finally deleted that character, I got stupidly emotional over it(embarrassing in hindsight!). I made that association with him. You make the social media association with her.