Dating for a couple of months and haven't heard from him after our last date/sex

[TheOutsider1]

I was dating a guy and talking to him for 2 1/2 months. We met online, he lives somewhat near. We discussed what we were looking for and he was the first to say that he wanted a serious relationship but that they were hard to find because a lot of girls are "hoes." We texted each other every single day and went on a few dates. I could tell that he was always nervous and trembled when he talked. I thought it was cute, after our dates he'd admit to being a little nervous too.

 

We had sex for the first time after 4 dates. He seemed to be a little selfish in bed, which I didn't like. While we were doing it, my pants were on the floor next to our drink and the drink fell over soaking my pants. We cuddled for hours, and talked about different things. I realized that he has a different view about women that I don't agree with. He seemed to believe that women can't be successful unless they are managers of a place or something and that only then, they can make enough to support themselves. We were talking about maternity leave and how he believes that women need a man to support them while they stay home during this time because their low paying jobs don't pay enough for maternity leave and he was saying how men are the bread winners etc. and then I went home, I didn't spend the night because I never do with anyone, not even friends, I can only sleep in my own home for some reason.

 

Well I told him the drive wasn't long and that I didn't mind going home in my soaked pants but he insisted i wear his pants, which he had just bought that same day, they were the ones he was wearing. He had told me early in the morning that he was shopping for a pair of pants because he didn't have many since he doesn't go out much and just works. I didn't wanna take his nice pants so i told him to just loan me some shorts so he did. He told me to please not lose them cuz they were his favorite pair of shorts, in a joking smiley way. He walked me to my car and told me to text him as soon as I got home, which I did. He said he missed me so much already and I said the same, then we called it a night. Well it's been 3 days and I haven't heard from him. We did text for a bit as soon as i got home and everything was just as normal. I'm not sure if he expected me to contact him first the next day but I never do that after sleeping with a guy for the first time. They are the ones who contact me first the next day, I don't know if i'm wrong in thinking this way. I feel kind of bummed out that I haven't heard from him. I know he has a lot of pride but I have dignity and I don't want to be chasing after him. I'm a very giving person and he knows that so I feel like he should put the same effort too. I do feel like I have put more effort than he has throughout our dating.

[calichick007]

Between the "hoes" talk and the condescending stuff about women in the workplace, he seems like he has a very crappy attitude towards women. I wouldn't be thoroughly shocked if he was just in for sex, based just on that. Were those comments not red flags for you?

[HeartGoesOn]

If you haven't both agreed to be exclusive, and I doubt that's possible after only four dates, you're both free agents and can date anyone you please. Were any plans made for another date?

[LillyLooWho]

I know this is hard to do but the trick is not to care so much if he calls or not. If he calls, great. You'll see if he is decent enough to continue dating. If he doesn't call, well he had enough bad points to raise a few red flags and make you go 'hmmm…'

 

IMO, the big red flag was his bass ackward view of women. Personally, I'd steer clear of a guy with those kinds of views.

[TheOutsider1]

If you haven't both agreed to be exclusive, and I doubt that's possible after only four dates, you're both free agents and can date anyone you please. Were any plans made for another date?

 

yes, plans for many more actually

[mbee]

Yes, you don't really know this guy and his viewpoints on women would highly disturb me. I know you know this since you told us. Clearly this is on your mind too. This early in the game you shouldn't be the one always giving. He needs to put in a substantial amount of effort. Let him be and see when he calls back. If he doesn't, cut your losses and move on. Somehow I don't think he's relationship material for you anyway...

[Lambert]

Sounds like you aren't that interested anyway... So maybe if he doesn't call, you dodged a bullet. Sometimes our pride takes over and we want the guy to call even though we aren't that interested. I wouldn't chase him... Sounds like he expects women to.

[TheOutsider1]

Sounds like you aren't that interested anyway... So maybe if he doesn't call, you dodged a bullet. Sometimes our pride takes over and we want the guy to call even though we aren't that interested. I wouldn't chase him... Sounds like he expects women to.

 

Why doesn't it seem like i'm not that interested? I admit i did catch feelings for him. He told me he has feelings for me too. Of course, I know some guys will say anything, but I believed him. I was hoping more would come out of this, like a relationship but if things aren't that great now, I guess over time they don't get better. He keeps to himself a lot and he's told me he doesen't open up to people. I was hoping that over time he'd be more open and trusting. Either he was telling the truth or this was just an act to string me along and wait for more.

[Ms Darcy]

I would hang back if I were you. Don't call him; he knows your number.

 

Honestly though, when he called most women the "h" word, I knew he was a sexist jerk. Other stuff just confirmed it. I think you can do better.

[TheOutsider1]

Why doesn't it seem like i'm not that interested? I admit i did catch feelings for him. He told me he has feelings for me too. Of course, I know some guys will say anything, but I believed him. I was hoping more would come out of this, like a relationship but if things aren't that great now, I guess over time they don't get better. He keeps to himself a lot and he's told me he doesn't open up to people. I was hoping that over time he'd be more open and trusting. Either he was telling the truth or this was just an act to string me along and have me waiting/expecting for more.

...........

[malvy]

There's also the possibility he may have felt offended you didn't want to spend the night with him, specially if he's the insecure type. If it had happened to me, I would probably take it as a sign she isn't all that crazy about me (and Im a very secure person).

[TheOutsider1]

There's also the possibility he may have felt offended you didn't want to spend the night with him, specially if he's the insecure type. If it had happened to me, I would probably take it as a sign she isn't all that crazy about me (and Im a very secure person).

 

He is insecure but he couldn't sleep anyway, he said he was so tired and sleepy but too overwhelmed by my presence. I don't know what to believe. He should know how I feel about him, I very much show it all the time.

[TheOutsider1]

well. I'm highly considering texting him, asking why i haven't heard from him...i know i said the whole dignity thing, i feel strongly about that! but he's just so insecure and proud and keeps everything bottled in, ugh and i just don't feel like he wanted to use me. Maybe i'm being blind because i really like him but i can't get him out of my head. Plus, i need closure. If i text him, at least i'll get to hear an answer or not and i have a feeling that he's going to say why i haven't contacted him either and so on. If he's not interested, his response will let me know. Guys now a days don't try anymore. It's us girls who do.

[missmarple]

Guys now a days don't try anymore. It's us girls who do.

 

Guys who are interested, do try. It's guys who aren't interested who don't try. And, in any case, a text isn't exactly 'effort' on his part.

Text him since you need to know, though.

[Batya33]

If you don't have time and place dates or a date set up then there are no more dates set up - talking about plans you have to do activities isn't the same as having a specific time and place plan for a date. Anyway he sounds like a jerk as Ms. Darcy wrote (and others) - no big loss!

[Ms Darcy]

well. I'm highly considering texting him, asking why i haven't heard from him...i know i said the whole dignity thing, i feel strongly about that! but he's just so insecure and proud and keeps everything bottled in, ugh and i just don't feel like he wanted to use me. Maybe i'm being blind because i really like him but i can't get him out of my head.

 

Don't you know anything about human behavior? Confrontation and accusation generally yields negative results. Just ask him out if you really want to reach out. See what he says.

[TheOutsider1]

Don't you know anything about human behavior? Confrontation and accusation generally yields negative results. Just ask him out if you really want to reach out. See what he says.

 

ask him out? no he doesn't deserve that much. I'd be an idiot to ask him out after I haven't heard from him in 4 days now. I just want to know his reasons for not talking to me but he hasn't replied to the message i sent him a few hours ago. If he doesn't reply, that will be enough for me to know that he really doesn't care and then i can let go knowing that i tried.

[Mr_LFA]

Once he had sex with you, you were no longer of any value to him.

 

That's how some guys are.

 

The sex is the prize, after that, it's onto the next.

 

4 dates isn't all that much time to get to know someone before doing the deed.

 

Maybe next time give it more time.

THIS.

 

it sounds like his interest level dropped considerably after sex, since you are no longer a 'challenge' for him. I think you deserve better than this guy.

[savignon]

Guys that call women hoes generally don't respect or value them and it's not surprising he "kept it moving" after he got sex, especially with the added info that he generally thinks poorly of women and is selfish in bed. He got his and now he's done.

You deserve waaaay better.

[TheOutsider1]

After asking him why I haven't heard from him, he replied many hours later saying that i never seemed to care to talk to him. I guess he really did expect me to contact him first. I asked how it seemed that way but he's taking his sweet time to reply. I'm trying to be patient and wait or hopefully work this out but once again, i can't do this by myself.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you are just trying to keep a dead connection alive. Waste of time.

[TheOutsider1]

I think you are just trying to keep a dead connection alive. Waste of time.

 

Well, maybe. I just needed to hear him say something. he finally said that he could say i don't care either because i hadn't contacted him. I explained that i'm a girl and that it's not very lady like to contact the guy after the first time. He then said that he didn't wanna be rude but that his life doesn't revolve around one person and that by me expecting him to contact me first, that i'm making him feel like his life does revolve around one person and that he isn't trying to dodge me and that "he still cares." Yeah, once he said that i said i had to go. I think i'm finally done, him saying that really makes me see what a huge jerk he is. I feel like an idiot.

[Ms Darcy]

I hope you are actually done.

[TheOutsider1]

I hope you are actually done.

 

I'd be even more of an idiot if I wasn't. In a way I feel slightly better knowing what I do now so I can let go. I just needed to be sure because apparently the red flags weren't enough.

[goodheartlady]

Lol. This guy is good - what a complete non sensible load of bull.