I think I am going nuts!

[Opsurfer]

I am rewriting this just so its in a nutshell: My ex wife and I have had really hard times, we split up 2.5 years ago, We were married for 12 years we have 3 boys together all under 12. We went through some really rough financial times, I admit that I did drink alot, and after the split even more. I was a mess, but then I decided to wake up. I have been sober now for 1 year, I feel great and have a new career. Now I see my ex because of the kids all the time, prior to getting this new job I had no contact with her for 3 months. I was working in Alaska. So now I came back new job, new lifestyle and attitude. I went over to see my kids and my ex and I just decided that I was still in love with her, I am crazy about the kids, and really want to make things work out for the group as a whole, and show my love and appreciation for the woman i had those children with. I told her how I felt, and pointed out how selfish and insane i must of been while I was drinking. I was totally honest about my actions and feelings for her. So as expected it was cold at first, she was like no way, I don't want to hang out with you, but I persisted, and began to complement her and appreciate her, i bought her some new clothes and just really tried to show her that i cared and loved her. I have been doing all the Daddy duties that I can, now recently I have been feeling like she is just taking advantage of me, now it might just be in my head but its bothersome, I feel like I have been putting myself out there and she knows it? So today i told her " I just want to be honest with you, I am going to date because you are uncertain about me, you know how I feel about you but I am not going to be stupid." Why did I say that? I want her to want me, Did I do the right thing?? Advice please!!

[ChellyV]

You were frustrated but really, you shouldn't have said that. But anyway it is what it is. Apologize and be persistent with kindness and humility. Whatever happened why she is the "ex" might still be lingering in her head. Give her some time.

[mhowe]

Yes...you don't tell the ex wife, with whom you want to reconcile, that you want to date. You have a lot to make up for. Stop trying to buy her favor. Daddy duty is a crock...you ARE the dad. Maybe by being a very involved dad your ex will see the new "you". But there is no room for threats of dating if you want her/ your family back intact.

[Opsurfer]

I don't want to date at all, I just said that to see if that would let her know I don't want to wait around. Stupid huh?? I am bad at this

[Autumnleaves]

You've told her how you feel so let it go now. Don't buy her stuff or pressure her just carry on being a good dad to your kids and see where it goes. As someone has already said she may be wary, given what's happened in the past. You can only show her through your actions that you have changed, it really is up to her if she wants to go down that road again.

[Autumnleaves]

Don't play mind games she'll see right through it & you'll push her further away. Nobody likes to feel they're being manipulated.

[Opsurfer]

Thanks Guys! I texted her back and said " that I don't want to date anyone, you are in my heart and for me to date would be just stupid." I know I was going to play a game I feel stupid!