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how to cope with feeling of guilt?


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My relationship has ended two weeks ago. I know that two people are responsible for the end of the relationship. However, when he has dumped me he blaimed everything on me claiming that I always manipulating him and taking things personally. I mean it was my first relationship and he never really told me he felt I was controlling and then he just leaves. He has done not so nice things to me but too I just feel guilty and dirty because I really loved this person. This all has ended so ugly and with him blaming me for everything I just have this recurrent feeling of guilt which is really hard to endure. How can I cope with it?

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You need to accept that it is not all of your fault. He is only blaming you because he wants you to feel bad and because he does not want to accept that he contributed to the end of the relationship too.

 

People like to think that it was not their fault that a relationship ended because they do not want to be seen as a failure and because it is very personal as relationships are all about how people are with eachother.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, you both tried to have a relationship and it just didn't work out this time, it happens but it was not all of your fault, it just wasnt meant to be.

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It's been two weeks.

Usually me tend not to think clearly until later.

 

If we are the ones who have been dumped and wished the relationship never ended we do tend to blame ourselves.

having faults being reinforced by a partner makes the feeling of blame worse.

 

After while you will be able to clearly rationalize where you really did make mistakes and where your ex just chose to blame you.

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It's been two weeks.

Usually me tend not to think clearly until later.

 

If we are the ones who have been dumped and wished the relationship never ended we do tend to blame ourselves.

having faults being reinforced by a partner makes the feeling of blame worse.

 

After while you will be able to clearly rationalize where you really did make mistakes and where your ex just chose to blame you.

It is just he is talking to someone new and they won't make the same mistakes I did (being jealous). It makes me feel really sad that I didnt have a chance to become a better person for him and now he is going to compare me to that person and find me awful

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It makes me feel really sad that I didnt have a chance to become a better person for him and now he is going to compare me to that person and find me awful

 

I understand how and why you feel that way as I felt the same at a point. Yes it is true you don't have the chance to change to become a better person for him. But if you think you have faults that need be corrected well now you have a chance to become a better person for yourself. And the next relationship you wouldn't have to worry about it so much. Take this relationship as a learning lesson.

 

As for the guilt. It is a hard thing to cope with and to battle. But it takes two to tango. You may have done bad things but it is highly unlikely that you are the only one who has done the bad things. Keep telling yourself that, correct the things you feel are wrong and hopefully you will feel better. Good luck!

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It's been two weeks.

Usually me tend not to think clearly until later.

 

If we are the ones who have been dumped and wished the relationship never ended we do tend to blame ourselves.

having faults being reinforced by a partner makes the feeling of blame worse.

 

After while you will be able to clearly rationalize where you really did make mistakes and where your ex just chose to blame you.

 

You need to accept that it is not all of your fault. He is only blaming you because he wants you to feel bad and because he does not want to accept that he contributed to the end of the relationship too.

 

People like to think that it was not their fault that a relationship ended because they do not want to be seen as a failure and because it is very personal as relationships are all about how people are with eachother.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, you both tried to have a relationship and it just didn't work out this time, it happens but it was not all of your fault, it just wasnt meant to be.

Yes, I've definitely learned a lot from this break up. It was shocking, yes, but I'm realising he has given up on me long time ago with me being oblivious and still in love. I just think he could have acted more mature and not blame everything on me. I think I even dont want him anymore as it was so cruel to dump me like this without any chance after all that I've done for him. I want someone who is able to communicate things and not dump me out of blue. I've also understood that I need to work on my jealousy issues and not depend on a person to make me happy. I was my first relationship so I think I even should not feel guilty because I was jealous because of how intensely I loved him. I just didnt notice how he was subtly distancing himself. I know I felt it on a subconscious level, remembering how agitated I felt out last two meet ups (even paid for the whole dinner lol). But when you love a person you just dont notice these subtle things

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Jealously.

Sometimes it needs a harsh lesson to not become a jealous person.

 

When we love someone very much, and they are not feeling the same, we can choose to subconsciously not see the warning signs of failure.

We can choose to forgive and forget far too easily.

In the end we do not care how things are going and just want them because we want to be with them regardless of how the relationship is falling apart.

 

You seem to understand very well the process of loving someone beyond reason.

 

Now it is accepting it which takes a while of dealing with loss and fading of hurtful memories while becoming a better person.

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To be honest I just thought he loved me like I loved him. It was such an intence feeling because he also has depression and anxiety so I felt almost responsible for him me being 'normal'. I'm curios if he has stopped loving me because I loved him too much and was always there for him? They say a man wans to conquer a woman? We have been together for year.I'm.asking because I'm not even sure how do you love a person now

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Uh..the only person that should be feeling guilty IS HIM.. Aren't you pissed?? How he's trying to manipulate you so he can not be seen as the bad guy here when he's the one that had someone on standby?? Dude GET A GRIP and turn that guilt into anger so that can help you get over him! You deserve better! You didn't do nothing wrong! If he really cared about y'all then he would have communicated to you about your 'controlling' ways instead of leavig you because there was somebody else on stand by. He's putting all the blame on YOU to justify HIS bad behavior. Don't accept this!! Let him be and don't contact him again unless he comes crawling back askin for forgiveness ! Anything else would just make you look passive ! Love yourself more! Don't let someone treat you this way!! Stay strong and forget the scumbag ! ((Hugs))

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Thanks I really appreciate your input *hug* the worst thing is that at the beginning I really believed all he blamed on me, he called me a f##n awful human being. So I was on the verge of suicide. If it was not for immediate free conselling from my university I didnt know how I would survive. Because I felt so guilty that I ruined this relationship. Now I can see that he treated.me very badly and like you sad he being himself manipulating whileblaming it on him. It is hard to accept the person I love has changed so much. I think his talking to this girl helped him to make final decision. I just want to get better and now I'm starting to believe that I will

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While you are able to support him through his illness you are not entirely responsible.

Your ex needs to help himself as well.

 

We can just not love someone anymore even though they have done nothing but loved us.

 

They say a man wants to conquer a woman.

Whoever they are is generalizing.

 

I have never wanted to conquer a woman.

Loving someone is not a game.

Playing with someones emotions is not a game.

 

When we love a person we are always going to risk being hurt if the relationship falls apart when we do not want it to.

 

People can say some awful things to another in the end when they want out of a relationship.

Knowing the person we once loved is now gone but the person is still there is very painful and hard to accept because we are still wanting to person they were when we first met them.

 

Sometimes we do need to know hurtful things to make us move on.

Maybe more often than not.

It allows us to stop thinking about chances.

 

You will get better.

You will heal.

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I know it hurts but it comes from experience.. My ex tried to flip it on me too! But he better not in his right mind EVER contact me again because I will tell him go 2 hell..and if he shows up in person the laws will get involved. These men are cowards and can't admit "I just want out for my personal reasons I'm sorry but you will be ok. Please understand I don't mean to hurt you but it's over for me." But noooo they go that extra yard to leave us like "damn only if I didn't do this he would have stayed and only if didnt do that.." And so on when it was NOTHING we did. We have to realize and have that attitude of "excuse me?? F**** you!" and let them the slammed door Hit them when they walk away! Just take it day by day and use the anger to get you stronger! I'm not saying dwell on it but when you start to miss him remember how he treated you at the end and what lil respect he turned out having for you (thus manipulation) and that will help you remember how your better off without him. I like that quote " the karma of f*cking over a good girl , is the b*tch you end up with." Sleep tight sweetie..fantasize about Ryan gosling tonight so you can have sweetdreams lol

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Thanks to both of you for your messages. I have just to always remind myself that he has changed and if he wanted to be with me he would be. I'm not sure yet if I accepted this yet or whether I'm just being optimistic. You know how it is - in the morning you want to be over, in the evening you want them back. But there is no way backm , it is done for good. I hope that I will learn from this situation and become a better person and dont think or care about him anymore. PS. Thanks for the Ryan gosling tip haha.

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