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He ignored my apology. I can't seem to move on?


RuedeRivoli

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In short, I met this guy online (we talked for 2/3 weeks beforehand) and we went on a first date. He was very sweet and asked me out on a second date. Unfortunately, we didn't manage to get a second date scheduled because of clashing timetables (he works nights 6 days a week). Therefore, one day I told him I had enough and I never wanted to talk to him again.

 

About 6 weeks later, I apologized to him profusely. He never responded to my apology but I know he read it. It's been a few months since I sent him this apology email but I can't get him off my mind. I'd like to reconnect because he probably moved past the situation like I did, and I thought we maybe could start from scratch. I know he's still single and has been since before I cut him off.

 

I tried dating and hooking up with other guys but nothing seems to work. It's never happened to me before because I'm usually detached and realistic about dating. I never get attached like this because I get asked out by a lot of guys (in real life) so I usually don't care. I've been using a dating website for 3 years now, so I'm not new to this at all.

 

I'm still very much into him. What can I do? Did I hurt his feelings to deserve this silent treatment or was he only interested in sex from the start?

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Sometimes people don't want to give a second chance in a situation like that. You have no idea if he's dating anyone else -even if he's still active on the site. It doesn't mean he just wanted sex and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. He was the victim of your verbal accusations and he's chosen not to interact with you anymore -you only had one date after all.

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Yes, he worked 6 days a week and whenever we had a date planned, he'd ask to reschedule because of work. He did this many times and that was the reason why I cut him off in the first place. I waited nearly two months because he wanted to see me on one of his days off. Every single one of his date plans were last minute and he'd always end up rescheduling because of work. The one time he texted me to plan the date a week ahead, he ended up telling me "he" had reschedule because he was going on vacation.

 

I believe me cutting him off wasn't completely uncalled for. He disrupted my plans many times only to let me down.

 

I had a pretty crazy schedule too but I always made sure to fit that date into my timetable.

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No one is saying anything about the rescheduling.

 

For you to tell him to never speak to you again --- and expect him to respond to anything after that --- is futile.

 

I didn't exactly say "I never wanna speak to you again". What I said wasn't that brutal.

 

I said : "It's best we stop talking for now because you clearly are very busy and I don't like chasing. All best."

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2 months and you hadn't gone on a second date? It seems to me like he wasn't that interested and you had done the right thing by cutting him off.

 

Yeah, that's what I thought too. Yet, he'd ask to reschedule but then text me on the night we were supposed to go out. Plus, he was initiating all the plans. I never contacted him first to plan anything, I let him do the work.

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I didn't exactly say "I never wanna speak to you again". What I said wasn't that brutal.

 

I said : "It's best we stop talking for now because you clearly are very busy and I don't like chasing. All best."

 

i might be wrong but just an opinion.. he might be busy somewhere i mean.. Maybe he has someone new with him. or he has relocated himself.

 

Could be any of these reasons. I think you should message him and ask about meeting in a sincere manner. If he still doesnt reply and Off you go. Just forget him and wait for future maybe he would respond in future something.

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I didn't exactly say "I never wanna speak to you again". What I said wasn't that brutal.

 

I said : "It's best we stop talking for now because you clearly are very busy and I don't like chasing. All best."

You did say you were done and for him not to contact you again. It wouldn't take a sledgehammer to the head after saying that to get the point accross and he obliged you. Leave him be and find someone else who's schedule is more up to par with yours.

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Yes, he worked 6 days a week and whenever we had a date planned, he'd ask to reschedule because of work. He did this many times and that was the reason why I cut him off in the first place. I waited nearly two months because he wanted to see me on one of his days off. Every single one of his date plans were last minute and he'd always end up rescheduling because of work. The one time he texted me to plan the date a week ahead, he ended up telling me "he" had reschedule because he was going on vacation.

 

I believe me cutting him off wasn't completely uncalled for. He disrupted my plans many times only to let me down.

 

I had a pretty crazy schedule too but I always made sure to fit that date into my timetable.

 

Maybe he was putting you off because he wasn't into you. Whatever the reason, if it irritated you the first time around it will likely to do the same again. It seems a waste of time to me if you couldn't arrange to get together the first time around and if the whole thing is going to wind you up.

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You hadn't even gone on a second date and you were already wanting him to make room in his busy schedule for you - and then it seems quite the passive aggressive reaction that you eventually reached. It is very possible that he saw that as a red flag and decided to back off anyway.

 

You can't say one thing, and then magically appear back in his life again taking it all back. That shows that you are indecisive, as well as dramatic because you went back on your word when you realised he wasn't going to chase you. Indecisiveness and drama thrown in without even a second date? He is definitely getting out of there.

 

Whichever way you said it, whether or not you said it in a rude way, whether it was polite - he still took it as "Don't talk to me again"

His work seems to take up a lot of his time, and he probably struggles in maintaining relationships because of it. He may be used to women stamping their feet at him which is probably why he so nonchalantly gave up on you.

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I didn't exactly say "I never wanna speak to you again". What I said wasn't that brutal.

 

I said : "It's best we stop talking for now because you clearly are very busy and I don't like chasing. All best."

 

Given that I had a crazy work schedule when I was dating I would have moved on after getting that message (especially since you hid behind a computer screen as opposed to calling). To me that's not only harsh but shows an important incompatibility since you couldn't accept his values about work. I never let it get to 2 months without a second date but whenever I made plans during the week especially I warned the person that I might have to cancel last minute because of work. Almost everyone understood -a few reacted defensively like you did. I moved on from those few.

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I said : "It's best we stop talking for now because you clearly are very busy and I don't like chasing. All best."

 

Actually, I think he was hoping you'd say something like that. I suspect he wasn't that interested in the first place, or he would have made time to see you.

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I also think that he wasn't THAT interested in you. Two months without a date is way too long and if someone is that busy they should not date. Who knows maybe he actually felt relieved when you ended it and stays no contact because there is no change in his situation.

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I was in a similar situation -- I had three dates with a guy who had two jobs and was ALWAYS busy; one of his jobs required a lot of preparation/planning, and in two months, we only had three dates. He had cancelled on me once and re-scheduled. After our third date, I heard NOTHING for a couple weeks (we had texted after to say we had a great time, and that was it). Then, he called and left a big rambling message about how he'd be thinking of me a lot and wanted to make time to see me again, blah, blah, blah, things were so crazy for him right now, blah blah blah. I left him a message saying I really wanted to get to know him better, that I was really busy too but would definitely make time to see him again, etc. I ended my message by asking him to have a look at his schedule and contact me to set something up. I never heard from him again. I was disappointed, but clearly, he wasn't that into me, or he would have made time -- I did. I even cancelled other plans I already had so that I could make two of the three dates we went on.

 

I deleted his phone number from my phone and let it go. No texts telling him not to contact again, nothing -- just silence. And I never heard from him again. Funny, though, a few months later I did run into him, and he acted like we were great old friends. I played along, acting like nothing ever happened, and we went our separate ways with a friendly hug. Haven't seen him since.

 

The point of my story is this: He probably WAS really busy with work. All that cancelling, certainly, would be annoying, and I can see why it would bug you. Ultimately, he wasn't THAT interested if he kept cancelling. If he was excited about getting to know you, he would have made sure he made at least some time here and there, and he wouldn't have repeatedly cancelled. So, yeah, he could've done better. I also think, though, that what you texted to him probably put him off -- as it would anyone, I would think. He probably thought, "OK, she's upset with me. She doesn't want to hear from me, so I'm not going to contact her." Then, by the time you apologized, he was probably over it and had moved on -- whether to someone else or just in general. He probably doesn't see the point in re-hashing things.

 

The fact is, you two weren't comptible. He works six days a week. That doesn't leave a lot of time for socializing, and it can make a person tired and not even feel like being around people. You need more than just a date here and there, so you two weren't a good match anyway. You apologized, he ignored -- now you just have to let it go.

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Given that I had a crazy work schedule when I was dating I would have moved on after getting that message (especially since you hid behind a computer screen as opposed to calling). To me that's not only harsh but shows an important incompatibility since you couldn't accept his values about work. I never let it get to 2 months without a second date but whenever I made plans during the week especially I warned the person that I might have to cancel last minute because of work. Almost everyone understood -a few reacted defensively like you did. I moved on from those few.

 

 

He's the one who asked me out, not the other way around. He's the one who kept initiating contact.

 

He never apologized once when he asked to reschedule. The work excuse, I told him it was absolutely fine, no problem. But the times he cancelled because he was going on vacation or because he got sidetracked, I'm sorry but it doesn't work for me especially as he didn't even apologize once. He's the one who kept planning this date many times and in the end he rejected me as if I was the one who asked him out. I even told him "we don't have to go on a date if you're not feeling it, it's totally cool". He was told me "I swear I'm interested blah blah".

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