My Ex Texted Saying Sorry & This Was My Response

[whyumad]

My ex of 5 1/2 yrs & I haven't spoken in a month. She constantly broke up with me & put me through hell. Every 3 or 4 months she'd leave me to "find herself", but basically she'd just go live the single life & party. She'd come back when it got boring & I'd always take her back. This went on all 5 1/2 yrs & she beat me & tore me down terribly & emotionally has left me ruined. I paid for school (she dropped out), cars, clothes, etc. Anything for her & to make her happy. We dated from 18 to 24. She texted me a sorry tonight & I gave in & texted her a whole bunch of crap because I was vulnerable & she basically blew me off like she always does because she just tests to see if I'm still there & wrapped around her finger when she does this stuff while we're broken up. After that hour of hurt from texting with her I sat down & just thought long & hard. I finally grew the courage to send her a message to end all of this. I go from a bit mad to loving & all, but its all my feelings I had to let out finally. It hurt, but at the same time it felt like I lifted a ton of weight off my chest. Here's the message:

 

 

"You know, you don't have to respond to this...I just have one last thing to say & hopefully this doesn't go in one ear & out the other like everything else I've ever told you. You want to say I deserve better, & that I do I deserve a sh*t ton better. I deserve someone to appreciate everything I do at that time, not a month after she basically guts me like a pig & tells me every possible thing to destroy me & push me away...The thing is you saying that is like you saying you can't do something because you're not smart enough or whatever. You saying I deserve better is you saying that you're too f*cking lazy to give a f*ck about me at all, you are too lazy for commitment, you're too lazy to give me the little bit I asked for...Don't ever tell me sorry again, because you are far from sorry. You've told me the most cruel, vile things & done the most cruel & vile things to me that I couldn't ever imagine doing to anyone, especially the one I claim to love so much. You've used & abused me for years now, & continued your selfish ways without any regard for my feelings. You operated as an individual in our relationship & never as a partner. You did a you pleased, came & went as you pleased, fed me bullsh*t lies about love & marriage & cr*p just to keep me around while you decided if you wanted a relationship or to be a cool cat & live the single life. You talked me down from day one, talking about your exes & other guys trying to make me insecure & trying to gain control over me. I applaud your efforts because they succeeded greatly & you had me wrapped around your finger. You'd get what you wanted from me then get up & leave without hesitation & put me through days, months, & weeks of punishment I didn't deserve & I was left all alone to sob & cry in hopes of your return. You looked me in the eyes & told me boldfaced lies about how you loved me & how you'd never leave me. You'd tell me to my face how terrible I was, how much you hated me, how you only used me, how you were only playing me, you'd uptalk guys you didn't even know but believed their bullsh*t they posted on their facebook. You are the one that began the onslaught that tore me down with negativity & pure evil. You can go on with your life & say you're finding yourself, which I hope you do but it'll only end up like every other time & your family & friends will lead you on to some bullsh*t dead end path that'll only leave you sad & depressed like every other time. I'm not trying to be mean, but it'll happen because you trust the wrong people. You're better than that, I truly believe it but you're too easily influenced by others. You saying you left me to find yourself is bullsh*t, I gave you freedom to do what you want with unlimited support & motivation from me. I was there to catch you, to lift you up, & would have always been there no matter how many times you f*cked up because I truly loved you. You never loved me, or cared for me otherwise you would have never done what you did to me & you did it constantly, not just once. If you think you coming out of the blue to tell me sorry makes you any better of a person & makes you sleep better, well it doesn't & shouldn't. Your sorry is based purely off of selfish bullsh*t that manifests within you. You knew you'd get a rise out of me like everytime, good job. You caught me at a vulnerable time. You can take your sorry & every other sorry & throw it in the garbage like you always did with me. You're not sorry, you're just a sick individual that has played head games in relationships since you were 14. Well we're grown ups now, & I'm not up for the childish back & forth games anymore. You've held me down too long, while I waited for you to come around, but you never did. Your indecision about our relationship & life in general is bull cr*p. I gave you every oppurtunity you could imagine to go to school, find a good job, etc. & you just made excuses just like you make excuses about our relationship. I know what I want, you don't know what you want. I'm not there yet but at least I started my journey, without knowing the outcome & thats life, its all a risk. You've severely screwed me over more times than I can count. You've always led me to believe it was my fault. This time it's different. You are the problem. You lack any drive & fear any form of commitment. I didn't have to put up with this for this long, but I sacrificed & did. I bent over backwards for you, doing anything & everything for you while your family & friends were no wheres to be found, yet you choose them? You replace me with them? You'll come to realize what you had, & you will hurt when you know you'll never get it back. I hope you find a guy that'd do what I did & what I'd do for you, but you won't & if you do hopefully you're mature enough to appreciate it & not run from commitment. It's all a game still, last time you got jealous & ran back. It's not a game, this is life. If you think I wanted to be with other girls, you're sadly mistaken. If anything they were fillers to occupy my time while you were out partying with no cares for me. I wanted this so bad, I tried so hard & gave my everything, you still have my heart but you can keep it because I don't want it back. You aren't sorry & were never sorry. You are a selfish individual & I'm sorry, but I will never put myself through this again because I know my worth & I deserve a sh*t ton better & you never cared enough to try & give me what I deserved. If you think another guy is the answer, it isn't. You need to learn to be selfless, not selfish. It takes two individuals to come together & invest their entire self into a relstionship, not just a portion & not when they feel like it. It's for better or worse, no matter what, not when it's convenient. Your love was based off of how convenient it was, mine was everlasting every second of every hour of every day. I loved you even when I hated you. You'll regret this, but I won't. I know I gave my all & that's all that matters. Somebody out there will love me for everything good & bad about myself like I loved you, that somebody isn't you. I love you Mary E******** F******** dearly, I truly & unconditionally love you whole heartedly & no one can change that not even you. That love was unappreciated, abused, used, & just taken for granted & this is very hard for me & I honestly never thought it'd come to this, but I'm moving on with my life & can't wait around for you to maybe come around one day & realize what you have in front of you. One day you will, & I hope it doesn't hurt as bad as I've been hurt all these years. I love you, but your sorry isn't accepted because you don't really mean it. I truly hope you are happy, because I tried my damnedest to make you happy & failed. I wish you the best of luck & never down yourself, you are very beautiful & smart & could do anything you put your mind to. I believe in you, now you have to believe in yourself. If you ever need any type of help with anything, I'm always willing to help you in anyway because you deserve it as long as you are truly motivated to do it. I'm always a call a way, so don't be a stranger. I love you & want to keep typing because it's a b*tch to let go of something you love, but I deserve better & its the best for me. I love you Mary & won't ever forget you. Good luck & goodbye beautiful. ❤️"

[Cheetarah]

Well, it's sent so there's nothing you can do about it now.

 

You are all over the map with it and honestly, she does not deserve to see your inner workings like this.

 

The reason I rarely ever send the letters I write is because once I write one, I always have 10,000 other things to add to it at a later time! Or I go over the top and then feel bad about it. So what you have to do now, is make peace with this letter you sent, because it needs to be the last one(you don't want to be one of those people who send afterthought messages every other day or week).

 

Don't take her texts, her calls, her emails. Don't get lured back into it. Mean what you say and do what you mean.

[Shainet]

I can almost feel your pain.

 

You know what will happen. She will apologize again, she will beg you, she will say she has seen the error of her ways. I sincerely hope you dont take her back. You deserve someone better. You know that. If you stay with her, you wont find the right person for you. You deserve someone who will love you equally and wont take you for granted.

 

Be a man, dont take her back. If you are tempted to reply to her messages or to talk to her, post here first. Just stop contacting her. You can do this.

[louisecar]

that is way too nice a letter to send someone like that but whats done is done now.

you know shes goin to want you back some time in the future so do you really mean youre not goin to take her back? is she really all you think you deserve because from where im sitting i dont have a clue why you love the girl so much. there are kind and beautiful women out there who will not treat you like garbage. if you waste a second more of your time on her you are a fool. i know that sounds harsh but if you let her disrespect you and use you she will continue to. she is a user and you are her safetynet who inflates her ego when she needs it. dont be that guy nymore

[Opsurfer]

I would of just said FU and went NC.

[Kendahke]

I would have put her on block a long time ago so she couldn't keep contacting me with that mess.

 

Go NC and keep it that way forever.

[Edmund Exley]

I would of just said FU and went NC.

 

This would have been my first response, but years of experience have made me wiser and now I know silence is the harshest thing you can ever say.

[Dcgent]

Interesting letter. I would agree with others...going silent would have been more powerful and to the point. Writing out such a longwinded letter of feelings thrown up on paper is only continuing the dialogue and attempting to get the last word in. Why afford this woman more of your time. Move on and regain your self-respect.

[bwhite00]

The last time I communicated with my EX I wrote a succinct summation of my feelings and thoughts pertaining to everything, e-mailed it, and that's that. No response. I wasn't hateful or anything but it was kinda therapeutic... Now, silence. And silence is FAR more therapeutic.

[BigKK]

Are you sure you're not hoping for a response?

 

I'd be weary with sending messages like that, you may be giving her control back if you allow yourself to respond to HER response

[amipushy]

If she replies in any shape or form, good or bad, you have to go silent (I know its hard but you must!!) otherwise all you have said will be BS in her eyes and she will lose respect for you. Disappear off the face of the earth and STAY SILENT.

[SooSad33]

What's done.. is done.

Now, you have to aim everything you do, from now on.. away from her! You've done your 'venting' her way. Time to walk away now and work on YOU.

We understand your hurts..really, we do. We've been there too- which is why we're all here, for you. We understand.

 

What I highly suggest is that you do NOT be there for her, anymore. Like you said at the end of your letter.

Ex's cannot be our 'friend' UNTIL we are completely OVER them. (no more feelings.. then 'consider it').

 

Right now though.. you move yourself and your heart AWAY from HER.

Time to take a breath..calm down and start working on 'accepting' it's over. This will take a while.. can take months.

You will feel all of this anger, heartache, confusion, lonliness, etc. Over & over again, until you accept it and are healed.

It is NOT easy. I understand, but it is time for YOU.. your time.. your Life.

 

One day at a time... you're not alone.

tc

[whyumad]

I know the letter went from one end of the spectrum to the other, but I had to let ALL my feelings out. I still love her, but her treatment of me is unacceptable. Her saying sorry was so she could sleep better at night, not genuine at all. She replied back this morning saying she appreciated me more than I knew, which is bull because we wouldn't be in this position if she appreciated me like I deserved to be. I didn't reply & will not reply. I'm tired of playing her sick head games that she is oblivious to, or at least acts like none of this is head games.

[Hazyillusions]

If you're serious about putting her behind you, you need to block her now.

Getting her texts will only hurt and frustrate you, so time to cut off the root of the problem.

[Zuri]

This would have been my first response, but years of experience have made me wiser and now I know silence is the harshest thing you can ever say.

 

I cannot emphasize how true this is.

[whyumad]

You know, I'm not one to play cruel games. If I think something, I say it. Rather than regretting not saying it, I'd rather get it off my chest. I know she doesn't deserve me expressing my feelings to her, but I'm not stooping to her level of child's play. I told her how I truly felt, good & bad, now I have nothing more to say to her because it's all said & done.

[nick66]

This would have been my first response, but years of experience have made me wiser and now I know silence is the harshest thing you can ever say.

 

Listen to Edmund, he's a very wise man. I constantly look for his posts because he always seems to say exactly the right things.

 

Oh, that was one long damn text. The posters are correct though, it's time to ignore her and get on with your life.

[whyumad]

OMG, she texted me tonight. I ignored her, but it hurts so bad. My stomach dropped when I saw she texted me, & now I'm crying uncontrollably. She was just reminding me that a special was coming on comedy central that we were at when they filmed.....seriously though, why would she even text me this? I'm so messed up from this now. I want her back, but honestly the only thing there I think is the physical & sexual desires. I'm so hurt now, I want to say something but I didn't. Now I'm wondering what her intentions were, or if she is wondering why I didn't text back or if she even cares.

[sharky988]

It sounds like she's trying to friendzone you. She thinks she's being "nice" by keeping in touch and letting you know about the special on tv.

 

It's time to BLOCK HER everywhere, so you can start to heal without all this drama. Once an ex decides they want to be "friends" -- as insane as that notion is in reality -- they can be relentless in pursuing it.

[whyumad]

It sounds like she's trying to friendzone you. She thinks she's being "nice" by keeping in touch and letting you know about the special on tv.

 

It's time to BLOCK HER everywhere, so you can start to heal without all this drama. Once an ex decides they want to be "friends" -- as insane as that notion is in reality -- they can be relentless in pursuing it.

 

The past 5 1/2 yrs, everytime she'd break up withe she'd maintain contact with me...small talk like this. We'd always end up getting back together. I don't get it, if she misses me, loves me, cares about me...why does she always leave me, then decide to come back? I highly doubt it is friendzone with her. Last break up I was dating someone & she texted me after a month & a half of NC saying "you win"...This isn't some kind of game, I only want to be with her...She's been playing these games for so long Needless to say that little text last time led to us having sex that day & then getting back together. Why does she do this to me?!?!

[mhowe]

Because she can and knows you will come back and sleep with her again. And start another round of roulette until she tires of it.

[whyumad]

I'm ignoring her completely, but it hurts so bad because I love her & miss her.

[mhowe]

Missing the other person is normal in a breakup.

Loving a person who treated you with such disrespect is an indication of your low self esteem.

[whyumad]

Missing the other person is normal in a breakup.

Loving a person who treated you with such disrespect is an indication of your low self esteem.

 

Yeah, she beat me down pretty good & now I'm insecure.