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Why do I attract the wrong kind of girls?


Xin

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I'm a good-looking (or so I've been told by almost everyone I know) guy in his early twenties. I guess I'm about average height with a muscular build. I am going to University for Computer Science, and I also can sing a bit and am musically inclined. A lot of my friends have often compared me to movie or pop stars, and I have been praised by my friends for my intelligence on certain matters, as well as my physique since I have worked very hard for all of these. However, I am kind of introverted person. I guess you could say I'm not only shy, but I sometimes don't want to talk to people. I have some social anxiety, and I can get stressed from simple social situations, resulting in people thinking I am either awkward or arrogant. However, when I am comfortable with a social situation, be it with people I know well, on a date, or in a 1 on 1 type situation, I have been told I am quite talkative, and I have a lot of wit and charm that I don't hesitate to use.

 

Considering the above short profile of me, I am wondering why I seem to primarily attract BAD girls. All these girls like me, and sometimes I make them fall head over heels for me, but I always end up realizing these girls are not my type. They tend to be the kind of girls who like to party, sleep around, flirt, or just be BAD in general. There also is a lot of drama or complicated situations around these girls some times. I do notice that when these bad girls hang around me, they slowly change, as if they are trying to appease me by being more "good", or they try to act more innocent, but it becomes all too easy to see what kind of girl they are after I get to know them for a while. The one major trend I noticed in all these "bad" girls from what they told me about their past is that they all used to be good, but got messed up by past exes. They meet me and they tell me how perfect and good they think I am, but their "badness" begins to drag me down every time.

 

Therefore I am not quite sure why I attract this type of girl. I attracted many 'good' girls in high school. In high school, I had three relationships and I was the first serious relationship with all three. After I broke up with my last gf, I was single for a couple years during college, and every girl I met during that time was a "bad" girl. I kind of feel frustrated because I am not interested in the dating game and I would like to get to know and meet someone that I can just have a serious and meaningful relationship with.

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So you think you are a good looking, stable, normal, good guy and a sort of as you put it a "victim" for bad girls, like you always end up with them in spite that you want something else.

So why bad girls are so attracted to you? Because I think they are "attracted" to you, not the other way around.

Well, I guess you end up with bad girls because they see in you an "easy" victim, it is always easier to mess up with a good guy, so they are just using you... but that is their problem, don t even think about.

But since you want to attract good girls it seems that right now you can t draw their attention, so I think you should work on that. Sure you might be good looking and smart, that is all appealing, but if you don't have enough confidence, or if you are shy that might scare girls away, so just try to find out what are your week points and try to work on them and once you will feel stronger, you will attract the type of the woman you want.

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Wow so you are a spitting image of me in pretty much every way, except that you are good looking and I am not. I also get absolutely no attention from the opposite sex and you get loads it seems like. Kinda of puts a huge hole in the whole "personality matters most" theory that everyone has about dating difficulties for guys.

 

But yes, to answer you're question, if you would like a stable relationship I would steer clear of the bad types you describe. Allowing yourself to get emotionally attached to them will only result in terrible suffering. However, if you want to enjoy casual relationships I would say you seem to be the greatest possible position and the envy of most men your age.

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Wow so you are a spitting image of me in pretty much every way, except that you are good looking and I am not. I also get absolutely no attention from the opposite sex and you get loads it seems like. Kinda of puts a huge hole in the whole "personality matters most" theory that everyone has about dating difficulties for guys.

 

But yes, to answer you're question, if you would like a stable relationship I would steer clear of the bad types you describe. Allowing yourself to get emotionally attached to them will only result in terrible suffering. However, if you want to enjoy casual relationships I would say you seem to be the greatest possible position and the envy of most men your age.

 

I don't like casual relationships. What is funny though, i that many girls thought I was a player when I first met them, that I look and act like one. Yeah, I know how to get girls, but I don't do it because I don't like casual relationships.

 

You're the one choosing to make them fall head over heels with you. Stop giving attention to bad girls.

 

I do that to most girls, the thing is the "bad" girls tend to give chase more than good girls. What I'm saying is I am always getting chased by bad girls, while most good girls, unless they are very confident in themselves, usually just sit back or are too afraid to give chase. That is not a problem for me, because I can help them be more comfortable, but bad girls always get in my way...

 

Also, you realize not giving a lot of attention to girls makes them chase you more right? Especially the bad girls.

 

So you think you are a good looking, stable, normal, good guy and a sort of as you put it a "victim" for bad girls, like you always end up with them in spite that you want something else.

So why bad girls are so attracted to you? Because I think they are "attracted" to you, not the other way around.

Well, I guess you end up with bad girls because they see in you an "easy" victim, it is always easier to mess up with a good guy, so they are just using you... but that is their problem, don t even think about.

But since you want to attract good girls it seems that right now you can t draw their attention, so I think you should work on that. Sure you might be good looking and smart, that is all appealing, but if you don't have enough confidence, or if you are shy that might scare girls away, so just try to find out what are your week points and try to work on them and once you will feel stronger, you will attract the type of the woman you want.

 

I have confidence "sometimes". It's hard to explain. Most girls or people don't think I am shy, they think I am arrogant and cocky because I don't talk much... I am not sure why they think I am so overconfident. Maybe because people don't usually think attractive and talented guys could possibly be shy and not confident?

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You are a lot like me, i am introverted, and my lack of talking in groups is seen as arrogant or stuck up. Only difference is that i stood with the bad girls instead of leaving them.

 

You might be like me where you like attractive women - but attractive women that put in "work" for us- basically strong extroverts. Since we dont talk much - they help lift us up and create a balance in communication, or they reach out so much that they make it easy for us (which is my case). And since introverted people are usually deep thinkers (from all the silent time spent reading people out), or at the least we keep a lot "in" that when it comes out - it comes out very well-thought out and charming- and it should, since its "special" for us- its not a walk in the park for introverts, its deep and its planned, and a girl who is already so blunt that she jumps on your lap, or tells you you're handsome, and plays around with the idea of marrying you- as opposed to being reserved- she will eat it up and play along- and keep pulling for more and more. Introverted and reserved women think we are full of sh**, i wouldnt be surprised if bad extroverts read us as if we were playing their game too, or... they know we mean what we say, and they decide to ride us out like an experiment.

 

The sweet introverted girl who is waiting for our call that we really want - bows out thinking we arent interested when they dont put the work in like an extroverted aggressive woman - and we only know women who chase us equally- the extroverted and aggressive ones. Also, "nice" girls avoid me like the plague - i got so used to people thinking i am bad that i usually debate myself on the idea of just fulfilling the title they give me.

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I don't like casual relationships. What is funny though, i that many girls thought I was a player when I first met them, that I look and act like one. Yeah, I know how to get girls, but I don't do it because I don't like casual relationships.

 

this. you are a sheep on a wolf's skin (or maybe hasn't accepted yet that you ARE indeed a wolf), and so they recognize you as their equal. I had a fairly decent period of being a bad girl, but made a point of pursuing the equally twisted bad guys - they could handle me more comfortably back then. usually bad girls go for bad guys because they just give them what they want, one way or another.

 

Thorshammer nailed it on the why's and how's of those interactions, I'll spare you the repeated twisted story.

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