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Obsessing over somebody - can't let go :(


7thSign

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Meh. Somebody i could never have. Didn't play my cards right years ago. Can see it all clearly now. Hit me like a lightening bolt three yers ago and she was standing there. Never did know whether the feelings were returned or not. Periodically dream about her, i have no control. Feels so real. The worst thing i am doing is checking her facebook page (no info there, just photos). Keep hoping for evidence she is 'taken', that way i can let go.

 

I truly try and i want to let go, mostly. A part of me keeps hanging on, i'm not sure why. I can almost feel her flesh next to me sometimes (and, no, we haven't been together). On one hand, i am sick of this feeling, on the other, i realise how glorious these feelings are, but resign myself to accept the torture as a price to pay for the small amount of pleasure i get when i forget that this is nigh impossible (but, not completely impossible). God, my life is so miserable, if only there was a way.

 

I know it's pretty intense and i don't think i'd want to live in a world where she didn't exist. That scares me.

 

I know i will probably regret writing this, but i am at my whits end with this obsession. It is so painful.

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Hey, 7thSign

 

I'm sorry that you're hurting tonight (and in general, it appears) but you should ever feel sorry or regret writing what you wrote. Your information is safe here and you're among a group of friends and likeminded, sympathetic people. Sometimes the best thing you can do to make steps towards ending an obsession is to admit you have one (which you've done, in many other ways too, I'm guessing). From there, it becomes a bit of a gray area. How long ago did you know this person and are you still in contact at all now? I inferred from your post that you're not but I didn't know if you were semi-acquaintances or something in that ilk.

 

Either way, it isn't healthy to keep yourself hanging on, but you know that as well. If you're still tempted to look at her facebook page, you could perhaps think about blocking her (the more painful option) or deactivating your own page (the better option imo). Whatever you end up doing, make sure you're doing it for YOU. Its natural to think of people from our past and even regret things but when it becomes more of your life than... well, your life, thats when it becomes an issue. Trust me, I've been there too.

 

If it helps to write about your dreams or to somehow get it out in words to someone somewhere, do it here. Its truly therapeutic (of course, I realize I can't speak for everyone) and there'll always be someone there to read and/or listen to you. We may not all 100% understand each other's pain or turmoil, since it's all unique, but we can still relate. I wish you the best.

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Hi sonicfan287,

 

I went for a walk this afternoon and thought how narrow-minded or one track minded i've become lately, and my focus on my post seemed so ridiculous. That's all i have for now, i guess i've got to keep myself busy. Thanks for your kind words by the way, i've got to feel safe, cos i definitely don't trust many pople in the real world. Agree that getting it out there may be the first step to healing.

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Limerence ... coincidentally I was just reading about it because I have the same thing link removed

 

Would you be able to contact her? You said you never knew how she felt, and that kind of doubt has always been the catalyst for my limerent feelings. It's like, even though your brain knows they aren't interested, your heart won't give up the hope that they are. You need certainty.

 

If that isn't possible, I'd suggest putting her out of your mind completely. If you find yourself thinking about her, make yourself stop and do as sonicfan suggested and don't go on her Facebook page again.

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This definitely sounds like limerence. I am very prone to having these types of attachments. I've heard the only real ways to end it are by 1) a direct rejection from the person, 2) transferring the obsession to someone else, 3) starving it out. Blocking anything that reminds you of her, the facebook page, any pictures, anything at all that has to do with this girl.

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Well then, i've really got to do something about it, especially since it's got something to do with attachment.

 

At least it's something you're recognizing, I feel sorry for those people who have these type of issues but don't see it, at least this way you can do something about it.

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At least it's something you're recognizing, I feel sorry for those people who have these type of issues but don't see it, at least this way you can do something about it.

 

Can you really? It often feels to me that all I can do about an obsession is see it and recognize that it is there. Even not feeding it (no contact, no facebook, no nothing) doesn't necessarily conquer it, at least not very fast. So the "doing" often is more of a "not doing" and will involve a lot of patience - or some luck in finding somebody else as interesting.

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I've got the same problem. There's a girl I know, I've known her for about 8 months, although we don't see each other very often (readers of my journal will know who she is). It's like I'm 80% sure she isn't interested in me, but the remaining 20% won't let her out of my mind. I can't stop thinking about her. For a couple of months I thought I'd managed it, but then she'll send me an email...

 

It's not knowing, that's the problem. I have problems with self-esteem (and all those other things beginning with self-), so I can't tell how much of that 80% is just my normal "Nobody like her would be interested in somebody like me" internal self-criticism.

But at the same time, I've been so lonely for such a long time that I'm desperate to find somebody who likes me. Definitely desperate enough to invent the "signs" that I'm seeing.

 

I feel like I need to just ask her how she feels about me. Put the 20% out of its misery.

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