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This is sad, long, and confusing, really just looking for some 2 cents (Cliffs)


GoEagles

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Hey guys, this is a long story, but deals with an unexpected loss of a family member right in the middle of escalating with a girl I like.

 

So I met this girl, both in our early twenties. I'm a grad student, she's a senior at our school. We've done some casual/fun stuff together 1on1, but seemed to be growing closer. After our last time out to grab a bite to eat. She invited to me her birthday party. Saying "I should come" and "we've had to turn some people away after it got out on facebook, but don't worry, still come, I want you too" Although romantic in my intentions, I might not of made that clear enough in our before meetings (ie make a move), but we still have had a lot of fun together/alone. The party was last Saturday (16th)

 

Ok so the evening of the party. Text her what time to come? and she gets back to me about an hour later. 10:00. At about 8:30, I get a call from my dad saying that my uncle had passed away earlier in the day, albeit not totally unexpectedly, of complications from cancer. I was pretty shocked and devastated, he was supposed to make it. And had a decision to make. A) Not go and not tell her why until later B) Not go and tell her why, and risk really bumming her out right before her party. C) Just go and see what happens and try not to think about it. After all I would of been more sad if I was all alone. I went with option C, the other two just seemed kinda selfish and I would have probably blown it on top of being down and out. My parents live 4 hours away, and my uncle lived on the other side of the states. In the moment it was not go and be alone, or go.

 

Well the party wasn't too surprising. I get there, she greets me, there were probably like 30 people there at that point with more ever arriving. I didn't know a single person. She gave me a quick hug, said she was glad I came, and pointed me to the keg. She was pretty drunk and getting more so, she never really introduced me to anyone, I was kind of upset about that. But I knew that standing alone was no good. I quickly start to mingle. Take a keg stand (to which the party stopped, counted, and cheered) she actually came up to me and gave me a hug again and 'Was like haha I'm glad you did that, that was awesome' talked very breifly, she went to go mingle. I start a game of flip cup which was fun, she plays like two of three rounds next to me, but quickly left because the pace of drinking was too much.

 

She was getting attention from other dudes for sure. Not like all other them, but it was definitely there. But it was her friends and her party, I was doing my best to just mingle, have fun, and in a way show her I can function around her friends. Not follow her around, be all over her, etc. Well after the flip cup game and getting to know some more people (past 11 now) the party was big. A legit kegger. I had lost her for awhile, and we met up again. She's really drunk at this point, and she goes to the dance floor, which had newly formed. She touched my shoulder/arm before she went, but not in a 'follow me' type of way. I was about to follow her and start dancing, but she was dancing only with her girlfriends in like a circle. Didn't know what to do lol. Well around midnight its completely packed. I started to get sick of meeting new people, every person I saw/talked to was the first time I saw that person in my life, and now it was packed and loud, rendering convo not there. I see her dancing with some other guy, kind of getting close. Made me really uncomfortable, but again its her party and it is 'that' type of party.

 

Just kind of standing in a sea of people, didn't know anyone, girl was dancing with someone else. I started to remember what had happened earlier when someone said my uncle's name. I had done decently enough (surprised myself) how quickly I forgot about it, but it really did only last so long, happens when you get drunk. I was there two hours the size had gone from ~30 and fun, to 100+ and cowded/loud with no one to talk and getting depressed about things. I just slipped out the door and left. I had done my best.

 

Walked home, really didn't have a good day Sunday. Fast forward to this Monday. She texts me 'Hey I hope you had a good time, I would have said bye to you but I never saw you leave' which was nice. I told what what had happened before the party and I went because I wanted to see her and wish her a happy birthday. She immediately was shocked and said sorry, said I was brave for coming. Talk a little bit about school, asked her if she wanted to take a study break with me at the campus dining hall. She says yeah, she'll be in the studying all day, stressing about tests/papers.

 

Meet up at the dining hall and its fine. She was really stressed out about school since its 'hell week' right before fall break. We talked about the party. She had a lot of fun, but was totally oblivious to a lot of stuff. Asked me if I had known anybody coming there - I said no only you. Didn't remember too much from earlier in the party, only vaguely aware I was even there (as in she knew I had come but had very little specific details) I was kind of put off but wasn't sure if that was the right mindset. Kind of inquired how she ended her night (attempt to see if she hooked up), seemed like she didn't, got a ride home with her friends from a DD, but who really knows. Let it all go. Asks if I want to come to the computer lab with her to study a bit.

 

Studied a bit. Like an hour. Both of us were tired, her way more so, and she was really concerned about her school stuff. But its all fine. We are in my car and we get to her house. I thanked her for coming with me to eat. She said she was really sorry about my uncle and we had kind of a brief quiet moment together. She asked what happened, I told her the story. Told her I had fun, she said she was glad I came and smiled. I looked her in the eyes, but she looked back, but I could tell how exhausted she really was, chuckles and she says "On that note, I'll see you tomorrow, don't be down". Wasn't close to me either, would have really had to grab her and kiss her without thinking. But I was thinking, I just told her a really sad story.

 

I really feel like crap. My uncle was my Godfather and really close, like a second dad. Really miss him. On the same time, I think I am just friendzoned and that's that, and that feels like crap. I was starting to really get to know her and fall for her a little before the party. Now no clue. The break and vacations don't help either. Friday she wished me a good Thanksgiving break. The funeral was last Saturday and now that that is over I've been kind of thinking about her and this open situation, partly because I like her, partly because its been taking my mind off things. Her (real - party held earlier so more friends could come) birthday is also tomorrow, wondering what, if anything, I should say.

 

Can you guys offer some insight or advice please? I know its long, and thanks so, so, so much if you read that. I'm really bumming it.

 

Cliffs since that is LONG lol:

 

-2 hours before girl's party, informed of uncle's death. Decide to still go.

- Its a big party, have fun at first, she' soaking up her own party, not a whole lot of attention (but some I'll admit) and getting really drunk.

- The party gets HUGE, I see her dancing with someone else, start to think about my uncle. Leave after 2 hours.

-Asks me Mon. morning if I had a good time.

- Tell her what happened.

- Agrees to take a study break and grab a bite, later that night.

- Bite goes fine, she's really tired and stressed out.

- She seems oblivious (thought I knew people) and honestly didn't remember much of the time I was there, when she was drinking, no obvious evidence of her hooking up with someone else.

- Study a bit together

-Take her home, have a little quiet moment in the car about my uncle, move seems possible but very uncomfortable (she's tired, stressed, not very close to me), she didn't really let it happen but who knows

-Texts me Friday wishing me a happy Thanksgiving

- After everything was said and done with my uncle, have started mentally revisit this, her (real) birthday is tomorrow

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I don't think you blew anything... but if someone is tired and.stressed and listening to a dead uncle story...a kiss would have been inappropriate.

 

Oh yeah that moment I don't think that would of been the right thing to do at all. But I thought about it, but never went for it, like you said not appropriate. But now I just don't know what to do about this/her. A personal tragedy got in the way of 'momentum' so to speak, and rightly so, my efforts were needed elsewhere. Life moves on though, I just am lost on what to do now.

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