Jump to content

Leicy

Recommended Posts

So um, my boyfriend and I have been through a lot.

I know every couple says that but, whatever.

 

I don't even know how to start.

We've had our ups and downs and such, we split for 6 months and recently got back together. We were previously in a 7 month relationship, and and 4 year friendship behind that.

We got back together because we really do love each other. Though I was really cautious about it he kept strong in his attempt to win me back, and so he did.

 

Anyway.

So um, apparently this weekend he was out with friends because it was one of their birthdays. Drinking, so on, so forth. Hes gone out with friends and gotten drunk etc before (very reluctantly and rarely, might I add. He tends to really just enjoy staying home to do stuff with me. I don't force him to stay home, I strongly encourage him to go out and be social tbh..) anyway hes gone out before and there was never this problem, so I think. Anyway, him and his friends decided to hire a prostitute for the friend who had the birthday. They all pitched in, whatever doesn't matter.

 

Apparently birthday boy couldn't get it up for the girl and the girl pointed to my boyfriend and his friends pushed him in and encouraged him.

This is what he's telling me.

I don't even know what to believe honestly..

All this happened Saturday night and he says he's just "telling me now because he thought it was a dream until his friends told him about it." "I do really retarded when I'm drunk." "I'm sorry I was drunk."

 

 

He actually told me this all over text, if that means anything. Personally it offends me slightly but..

I don't know how to take this. I mean naturally if your guy cheats on you.. you end it. But he was drunk. I've never had to deal with this and I really really don't know where to begin. Should I just tell myself "Oh he was drunk!" or hold him just as accountable for his actions as if her were sober? I mean he told me weeks before him and his friends were planning on getting his friends a prostitute.

 

On top of all this it was a prostitute..

 

Sidenotes as to why I think hes full of on most of what he says about this:

Last night he was pointing out bumps on the head of his and was concerned it was an STD.

I teasingly and jokingly said unless he bought a prostitute for himself as well he shouldn't be concerned and see if the skin is just agitated.

He didn't say anything, kinda laughed along and agreed and dropped it.

Also, last night he also told me a "funny story" about how the last time their friends did this for the same friend, he couldn't get it up for the prostitute and thus "money was wasted." Sound slightly familiar?

Saturday night/Sunday morning when he came back faced he was complaining he was missing about 100 dollars and he didn't know what he spent it on.

 

I don't know.

Maybe I'm being cynical.

I don't know what to think.

I've yet to really talk to him about it.

 

Help.

 

 

 

UPDATES!:

Talking to him about it, here are some sentences.

"I did remember it I just didn't know how to tell you."

"It's not really cheating.. I mean.. it wasn't anyone special... it was just a girl you know.. it didn't mean anything."

"I just don't know what to say, it's all like a dream for me."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mean I've known him for going on 5 years now, I just.. I never thought of him as this type of person I guess?

I agree with all of you, honestly, just the little soft piece of me wants to believe him and it makes me feel like I'm creating a witch hunt for a mistake he didn't have "control" over making..

I don't know.

 

The fact that I've known him for so long makes all this so much harder.

Definitely going to the gyno, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with all of you, honestly, just the little soft piece of me wants to believe him and it makes me feel like I'm creating a witch hunt for a mistake he didn't have "control" over making...

 

If he got drunk, got behind the wheel, and killed someone in his car, he would still go to jail. Why? Because you are still accountable for your actions when you drink!

 

He made a series of choices here. He chose to drink. He chose to go to a party where there would be questionable behavior with another woman. He chose to stick his penis inside her. He chose not to tell you immediately.

 

ON the contrary, he had nothing but choices.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Being drunk is zero excuse. I hear that over and over again and it's bullcrap. Have you ever been drunk? You knew what you were doing right, you didn't randomly go hooking up with strangers. Also if he's so weak that he'll cheat on you just because his friends egg him on (seriously doubting that load BTW) then this isn't the guy you want in your life anyways. No, you have to look at the fact he has a history of cheating and just did it to you again, no matter what the circumstances were. If you stay with him be prepared for more weird excuses as to why he cheats on you again. If he were that falling down, blackout drunk he wouldn't even remember that he did it. Instead he somehow had the wherewithal and memory to know enough to text you all about it in great detail...hmmm.

 

I know you keep hoping the guy will do right by you, but three strikes is three strikes. Oh, and if you don't dump his butt on the spot then at least please tell him to go get tested for STDs and he doesn't get to touch you until you bring back the doctor report showing he's clean. No, don't believe him when he says he used protection either. This guy's a liar, remember? In fact, never have unprotected sex with this guy or you're playing Russian Roulette with your health and yes possibly life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mean I've known him for going on 5 years now, I just.. I never thought of him as this type of person I guess?

I agree with all of you, honestly, just the little soft piece of me wants to believe him and it makes me feel like I'm creating a witch hunt for a mistake he didn't have "control" over making..

I don't know.

 

The fact that I've known him for so long makes all this so much harder.

Definitely going to the gyno, though.

 

LOL...yeah he had total control. The only way he didn't have control was if he was lying blacked out and unconscious, in which case he wouldn't be getting it up. Anything less than that, yeah he knew what he was doing. It takes freaking effort to do it for crying out loud. Not like he was just lying on the floor with drool dripping out of the corner of his mouth unconscious and immobile, magically locked in the upright position and the hooker did not just trip and fall on him just right. Now that would be one heck of an accident. He chose to, he knew what he was doing, not the first time he has done this, he is exposing you to STD's, he is putting your health and life at risk. You need to stop making excuses for this pile of garbage, dump him and now and please please please go get yourself tested. Stop being naive and stop kidding yourself.

 

He is that kind of a guy and you just learned it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not normal guy behavior to buy a prostitute for their friends!!!!

 

I've heard of guys buying a stripper for a bachelor's party, but not so the groom and his friends can have sex with her! Yikes! THIS is the circle your boyfriend is a part of! And yes, he is that kind of guy..

 

Alcohol is no excuse. If he knows alcohol makes him vulnerable to cheating then if he values being faithful for you he wouldn't put himself in that situation! He obviously has a flexible moral compass -- what other bad behavior can he justify doing??? Having unprotected sex with a hooker puts you at risk for incurable STDs, infertility, and cancer (the last two courtesy of HPV).

 

But to him, it's no big deal.. He was drunk and hanging with his boys so of course sticking it in a stripper raw is par for the course.. Ugh.

 

Dump this loser and aim higher!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not normal guy behavior to buy a prostitute for their friends!!!!

 

Absolutely! I mean if he is hanging out with a group like this that should tell you he is THAT kind of guy.

 

I am sorry to hear you are going through this but he is playing you for a fool.

"It's not really cheating.. I mean.. it wasn't anyone special... it was just a girl you know.. it didn't mean anything." I think I would have slapped him on the spot! How is that not really cheating?! Trust me, this type of guy will always find ways of excusing his behaviour and making it seem not all that bad in his head. A guy who can rationalize cheating is the kind who will cheat over and over and over again. Being drunk is no excuse. I have been blind drunk, as drunk as one can possibly get and I know that you still only cheat if that is what you want to do. It takes a certain amount of effort to have sex with someone. It's not an act you are passive in. You are fully participating. Show him that you are a strong woman who doesn't need him and kick him to the curb.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

im sorry that this is happening to you. Ugh men seriously..

 

He states "its not cheating" well .. will he be ok if hes on your shoe? will be casually saying to you " Its ok babe its not cheating cause u were drunk"..

 

er leave his sorry ass.

 

I seriously wouldnt know what to do as well if i were you.. But in the end ill leave for sure.

 

chin up!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is like saying you take a man put him in a room with a gun and the man who killed his daughter. Well, in this situation we took your boyfriend a bottle and a prostitute and put them in a room, magic. If he had the frame of mind to get himself in that situation to begin with, then there is a possibility that there was already a seed planted in his mind about what could happen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mean I've known him for going on 5 years now, I just.. I never thought of him as this type of person I guess?

I agree with all of you, honestly, just the little soft piece of me wants to believe him and it makes me feel like I'm creating a witch hunt for a mistake he didn't have "control" over making..

I don't know.

 

The fact that I've known him for so long makes all this so much harder.

Definitely going to the gyno, though.

 

don't bother yourself with believing that mess.

 

I'm sorry, drunk or not, he knows he's in an exclusive relationship with you. He is weak when it comes to peer pressure. He could have easily said no--it's the first word every human understands the meaning of by the age of 18 months. Come on. You need to toss him out just on the matter of he can't control himself when he drinks--he allows himself to drink to the point of forgetting you and his relationship with you; then he does breathtakingly stupid things once he's blotto and then tries to dismiss the gravity of the situation by discounting the person with whom he did the deed. Any other guy at that party could have gotten up and gone with her---or not--she would have been paid just the same if they were all that juvenile and lame. No, he chose to get up and go do her and to toss you and your relationship to the wind as he did.

 

Her "not meaning anything" isn't the issue nor does it make what he did OK. Not by a long shot. It makes it worse because he'll do anything with a kitty if he's drunk.

 

Catching an STD from someone you don't know is just as bad as catching it from someone you do know. The STD doesn't care who knows who.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The most being drunk did was lower his inhibitions. The MOST.

 

He knew what he was doing.

 

And not only did he cheat - it was with a prostitute, who wasn't exactly going to be throwing herself at him or some such nonsense he could try and blame.

 

I had almost this same thing happen - except with the "neighborhood bicycle." And his being drunk didn't cut it.

 

If he had ANY DOUBT it was wrong, he wouldn't be trying to twist the bold truth into a pretzel to wiggle out of the mess he got himself into. Doesn't count? Does he think you're that blind or stupid? Couldn't help what he was doing? So ask him if he was drunk and you told him to leap off a cliff, would he do that too? Have sex with another guy? Chop off a finger for fun? If the answer is no - and unless he's lying, he wouldn't do any of these things - his friends suggesting something that goes against his instincts even drunk would not push him to do it.

 

He wanted to - his drunkenness just made him believe he could get out of it and let him act on what he WANTED to do at the time.

 

Drunk and stupid aren't excuses.

 

And as others have said - I bet if you went to a bachelorette party with some female friends and banged the male stripper when you'd been drinking, his answer would be you shouldn't have been drinking that much and knew better, not that it doesn't count or matter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...