Dumper contacts after months stories?

[pippy longstocking]

NO, I'm not saying there is a 3 month "plan".... I asking if anyone else has noticed that is many of the stories of Ex's contacting of coming back that there is a unusual consistency of it happening within 3 months. I'm not saying this is a scientific fact. It's just a VERY prevalent pattern I've noticed in these break up stories

 

oh I apologise ... I didn't read your post properly

[Spaniard]

Are you by any chance coming up on 3 months NC?

 

Lol.. No sharky, my story is quite different than most on here. My ex never stopped contacting me. I'm on 10 days NC. At this point it's more about my mental health than rekindling a relationship. I've just noticed that most people who have these stories Happen within 3 months if not on the nose at 3 months.

[sharky988]

Lol.. No sharky, my story is quite different than most on here. My ex never stopped contacting me. I'm on 10 days NC. At this point it's more about my mental health than rekindling a relationship. I've just noticed that most people who have these stories Happen within 3 months if not on the nose at 3 months.

 

Continue on with your NC.

[Lambert]

Are you positive of this? They ALWAYS come back..? I'm struggling very hard at the moment to get over my ex and as much as I want her back...I don't want her back...If you know what I mean?

 

And I know that if she wants me back I'll not be strong enough to say no and I'll get hurt again...

 

I am pretty sure most exes come back but..... There is a great big but..... It is usually not until you start to forget about them and find happiness with yourself or maybe someone new. When I got together with my most recent ex, I was really happy and three of my former exes contacted me! The great thing was, I did not care so I did not get sidelined....

 

Now here I am dumped from that ex and I am still healing and hurting.... I think he will come back but it will be a long time from now and I have no intentions of taking him back. I think the lesson I am supposed to learn from all this-- know when to walk the hell away!!!!

[Hopelessromant]

I agree with the 3 month thing. I've seen that a lot. I wonder why

[nick66]

She can come back, but I don't want her anymore.

[Spaniard]

I agree with the 3 month thing. I've seen that a lot. I wonder why

 

Right??? Have any of the veterans here caught on to that 3 month pattern?

[sharky988]

Right??? Have any of the veterans here caught on to that 3 month pattern?

 

Nope. Pure coincidence, if it happens then. There's also lots of stories of contact made after a month, and a whole thread devoted to the 8-week theory.... really, there's no way of knowing if or when it will ever happen.

[Hopelessromant]

I've heard those too

[Spaniard]

Nope. Pure coincidence, if it happens then. There's also lots of stories of contact made after a month, and a whole thread devoted to the 8-week theory.... really, there's no way of knowing if or when it will ever happen.

 

8week theory?

[pippy longstocking]

8week theory?

 

there are a lot of "plans" out there ...moreso that I have seen for the 12 week than opposed to the 8 week ...but they are all the same .

 

you kind of get a guideline of how to leave it be for 3 months ...then reach out , because this is the length of time supposedly that it will take the other person to actually miss you , for any anger to have calmed down and for contact to be "welcome" ..these guides I believe tell you what to write and how to respond , the correct time lapse between responses etc etc

 

I am saying all this , however you can't quote me on it haha because I haven't read one and don't believe in it all ....

[Spaniard]

there are a lot of "plans" out there ...moreso that I have seen for the 12 week than opposed to the 8 week ...but they are all the same .

 

you kind of get a guideline of how to leave it be for 3 months ...then reach out , because this is the length of time supposedly that it will take the other person to actually miss you , for any anger to have calmed down and for contact to be "welcome" ..these guides I believe tell you what to write and how to respond , the correct time lapse between responses etc etc

 

I am saying all this , however you can't quote me on it haha because I haven't read one and don't believe in it all ....

 

So based on these theoretical plans, is 6 months too far outside to reach out to your ex or to reasonably expect them to STILL try and reach out to you?

[pippy longstocking]

I honestly don't know what these strategies would say at the 6 month point , but in reality ...well in my opinion anyway ....6 months is even better as far as having your head together to be able to have any contact .

 

you see so many times people coming on and saying they split up 47 seconds ago , but have had chance to realise what they did wrong , they have thought about it all , they have become better people yadada ....ok so its not 47 seconds but people say this after 3 weeks ...how can 3 weeks of misery suddenly make you a better person with the strength and knowledge to get back together ...

 

so in essence I am saying that 6 months is a good timeframe to have worked on your own stuff ...for them to deffinately had the chance to realise yes or no about been with you but always we have to remember it is also chance for them to have healed from you and moved on ...no one knows , and I honestly don't know the answer from a point of these "plans"

 

In the numbers game it is in the minority who get back together .

 

you might like thors thread to have a read ...this went on forever when he first posted it

 

 

 

 

hope that made sense ...I have only been up an hour ..my head is fuzzy ha

[Amandacast57]

My ex and I broke up officially about a year ago (last October). We continued to see each other since he talked sweet nothings about how we would eventually be together. In May, I finally stopped talking to him.

 

He texted me back in October. I was shocked to see his name pop up on my phone. All the message said was "What are you doing?".

 

SERIOUSLY?! Haha, after MONTHS of not speaking, that is what he says?

 

But honestly, I didn't care anymore. He actually disgusted me. I entertained his conversation, asking how I was, telling me how he got laid off, blah blah.

 

The best part was when he asked me at 8:30pm if I wanted to "come over, have a beer, watching football and catch up". The conversation quickly ended when I told him I didn't think that was a good idea.

[Teri008]

Yea I was with a guy for 3 months then he broke up with me. I use to reach out every month or so for 3 or 4 months after that. (Yea i didn't know any better) It wasnt til a mutual friend told me how my ex told him I reached out to him again and that literally embarrassed me. So I sent him a pretty much 'thanks for running your mouth' text (heh heh) and literally shut the door to my emotions. I do think they do sense it somehow because a month and 1/2 later he showed up in life again. ( but I was done by then)

[Teri008]

And keep in mind this was someone who was very theatrical when he broke up with me telling me "goodbye" without looking Into my eyes.

[Spaniard]

My ex and I broke up officially about a year ago (last October). We continued to see each other since he talked sweet nothings about how we would eventually be together. In May, I finally stopped talking to him.

 

He texted me back in October. I was shocked to see his name pop up on my phone. All the message said was "What are you doing?".

 

SERIOUSLY?! Haha, after MONTHS of not speaking, that is what he says?

 

But honestly, I didn't care anymore. He actually disgusted me. I entertained his conversation, asking how I was, telling me how he got laid off, blah blah.

 

The best part was when he asked me at 8:30pm if I wanted to "come over, have a beer, watching football and catch up". The conversation quickly ended when I told him I didn't think that was a good idea.

 

After all those months what would you have liked to hear from him?

[Amandacast57]

After all those months what would you have liked to hear from him?

 

Nothing he would have said would have made a difference but an apology for how awful he treated me would have been nice.

[deejay74]

what about an dumper contacting the dumpee after a nasty break up and bad behavior post BU?

 

just curious.

 

i highly doubt my ex will ever contact me again. that's probably for the best.

[SparklyBoots]

Well my current ex and I have gone around about three times now - first time he reached out after about three months (I hadn't been ready for a relationship as getting over another ex when we split mutually the first time) - we stayed in touch as friends for about 5 months (he wanted more and stopped speaking to me as it was too hard for him) - we didn't speak for a year or so and I reached out to him, we met up and sparks flew on both sides. 10 months later he dumped me as he didn't want to be in a relationship but wanted to be friends or so he said at the time - no speaking for 5 months except for one message when I broke my rib and nose - we met recently at a gig with mutual friends and got on great - we hadn't been friends on Facebook but had mutual friends - and two weeks later i see I am now blocked o_O! A mutual friend said he is finding it hard and still wants to keep his distance - HE DUMPED ME! Who knows if we will speak again lol! But from that experience, time doesn't mean a lot except that three months may be too short - even 5/6 months has been too little time this time!!!! The longer apart the better.

 

Another ex reached out to me (he dumped me) after about six months but I was with current ex by then and very happy. After over a year of sporadic contact he is now ramping it up a notch asking to see me about every weekend!

 

I have had other exs I have never heard from again....so no magic formula sadly!!!! Time and space promotes clarity on both sides to either realise what has been lost or to move on completely....

[snappy5]

I'm friends with someone I dated casually for 3-4 months. We parted on unstable terms and he tried contacting me a couple times in the year or two afterward. At the time I still resented him. I should mention he became very good friends with another friend of mine during that time.

 

My friend moved abroad and came back two years or so later. I met up with the same friend and got reacquainted with the old date. He's since met someone and they've been together two years or so.

 

In the end yes I think it can work out being friends, after a lot of time has passed and no one has residual feelings left. But I do think if someone cares about you enough, they will return to your life at some point.

[Hopelessromant]

My ex came back 5 months later. He didn't directly tell me that he regretted it because he's too prideful. By then I was over it.

[Hopelessromant]

Amanda:

 

That happened to me somewhat. After all the pain, just got random texts. No apology. Nothing! Glad you're better

[mysty]

I've been apart from my ex for 3 months only after the first months when I began to stop all contact is when he began texting me. He's tried twice one last month and one today just the end of the month. He seems to text me every month. None of these messages with any of his intentions clear. I'm continuing no contact as long as I can. I'm actually possibly seeing a guy tomorrow timing is very strange it's always when I seem to be moving on.

[Hopelessromant]

Mysty: do you think you would ever take him back?