Very depressed. Need help!

[razobodets]

To start, I love my boyfriend very much. We were long distance friends for 6 years, and I moved in with him and we've been together for over a year, happily and without issue.

 

There's just a few things that seem minor, but really affect me in a pretty big way.

 

1. I tend to be more "in the mood" more often than him. I make a lot of advances on him which are 75% of the time ignored. He doesn't even bother to say "i'm not in the mood." He just lets me get flirty until I just give up on my own. It's way more depressing to feel like my flirting doesn't work than for him to just say he's not in the mood. My advances just don't seem as effective as they once were. It really lowers my confidence.

 

2. My boyfriend does not provide the emotional support I think he needs to. If i've had a really terrible dream or something is upsetting me he doesn't seem nearly as loving as I wish he was. Instead of hugging me and making me feel like everything's alright, he mostly just has some bland response. Like if i told him I was upset because I miss my family or had a bad day at work he might just say "Oh jeez." Maybe i'm too needy. But sometimes when i need a hug or love the most, I have to actually tell him to come and comfort me.

 

3. This is less my boyfriends problem and more mine. I actively try not to mention my previous boyfriend or relationship ever. It was the past and i'm sure he's not interested. Same can be said for me. He mentions his previous girlfriend very casually. Not really any emotion to it or anything. For example, we went to Jo-Ann to buy some fabric and he just says "Yeah (ex gf) used to come here like once a month she was always crafting." It was casual and didn't make it seem like he missed her. It was just inappropriate, and unnecessary because he should know I don't give a damn. The other day we were also making the bed and i told him we should get a new mattress pad and he said "i'm saying this to be funny, but yeah, this bed has seen a lot of girls" Completely uncalled for, gross, and certainly didn't make me feel very comfortable going to be that night. I told him it wasn't necessary and he brushed it off like he didn't make a mistake. My point is, i'm apparently jealous of his past, but he still mentions things like that and doesn't seem to get that it's not something I want to hear, despite my telling him so.

 

4. So, this seems like a pretty minor "problem" to me but he does look at porn sometimes. He doesn't as much because our work schedules are the same and he normally does it when he's bored or i'm not around. Before we were together he used to do it a lot in his previous relationship, he told me, but definitely SIGNIFICANTLY less now. When he does, and the fact that he does totally lowers my confidence. He only does it when i'm not home and sometimes he even tells me he is. he's very casual about it. But still. It makes me feel less sexy. I KNOW that you can look at porn and it not affect your relationship. My last relationship I looked at porn and it didn't make me less attracted to my bf at ALL. it was just something i did when i was bored. Still. I don't know why, but it still. I can't help but feel less confident in myself. I've told him before that it's does that, but he's NEVER felt bad about it. I think he's convinced it's completely okay. I've explained that maybe if both his last girlfriend AND i had problems with it, then maybe, just maybe, it's wrong? He brushed it off.

 

I just feel like in important situations like that, he always thinks he's right. i've sinse given up on trying to argue my case and decided just to never argue again and let him be right. If it avoids argument then i'm fine with being wrong and feeling bad.

 

Is there anything he's doing wrong, or i'm doing wrong? it makes me depressed very often and i've stopped talking to him about it. It doesn't seem to do me any good. It's bad enough that i'd really like to see a therapist.

 

Any advice?

[pl3asehelp]

Are you both in your teens?

[mhowe]

Wow. Not minor things at all.

Your advances...his rejections. You need to talk to him about this. It won't fix itself.

Regarding your neediness...yeah...you need to work on it. Having a bad dream and wanting "comforting"... he is your bf...not your mommy.

 

With regard to his past and his comments...again, there isnt anything wrong with what he is noting. I think you are being over sensitive. However, his comment @the bed was rude and immature.

 

I would seek counseling. Mostly because your.solution is to keep quiet and let the.resentment build and your self esteem erode further...and that is not a solution.

[razobodets]

Are you both in your teens?

 

No, we're adults. I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 32.

[pl3asehelp]

What do each of you do for work and what are your living situations?

[razobodets]

What do each of you do for work and what are your living situations?

 

I'm a full time receptionist and he's a full time customer service rep. normal full time hours mon-fri 8-5. We live in an apartment together.

[pl3asehelp]

Is this what he plans to do for some time or is this temporary? What kind of education does he have?

[razobodets]

Is this what he plans to do for some time or is this temporary? What kind of education does he have?

 

I actually don't know what his aspirations are. He dropped out of college during his first semester i think. As far as I know he just works jobs that make him money and that he can do.

 

May I ask what these questions are leading up to?

[pl3asehelp]

I actually don't know what his aspirations are. He dropped out of college during his first semester i think. As far as I know he just works jobs that make him money and that he can do.

 

May I ask what these questions are leading up to?

 

Given his background, his outlook for the future, and the age gap I think it's unlikely you're going to affect any positive changes here. You can try, but it will be time and effort that I think would be better spent on someone of higher quality. He's essentially a man child.