Jump to content

Is my girlfriend a ?


Timotious

Recommended Posts

Hi there,

 

I am in my late twenties dating this 25 year old beautiful lady for almost three years now. Her name is Samantha. Samantha was previously dating this guy called Mike who turns out to be an acquaintance of mine from varsity. Samantha and Mike are both in the mid-twenties age range and the live in different cities.

 

If there’s anything I can’t seem to forget about Samantha is that at the beginning of the relationship I threw a random question at her; about whether she had slept with anyone else while we are dating. Surprisingly, she honestly told me that she had once slept with Mike and that she was sorry. My response was cool, calm and collected as we were still at the beginning of the relationship anyway, not to mention the fact that Mike was her first and three year varsity boyfriend. Perhaps it was a genuine mistake.

 

This year, about four months ago, i notice a sudden change in Samantha’s attitude. I confronted her and asked if she still wanted to be with me before she assured me that she still loves me and wants to be with me. A week later I was visiting Samantha over her at her apartment, and despite her assurance, I decided to go against the odds and dig up on her. I guess skepticism forced me to conduct a mini investigation on her. In her absence I viewed her cellphone call logs, messages and emails for any contact between her and Mike but couldn’t get anything. However, I managed to access her personal desktop computer just to found that she had exchanged nudity pictures with Mike a week ago, the same weekend she was distant. We eventually spoke about it. Mike was notified that their friendship is best terminated.

 

Then a few weeks later I went to visit Samantha again at her apartment, and just when I was about to leave her apartment she received a call which she ignored. I couldn’t help but ask who it was she did not want to speak to. She told me that it was Mike. My mood swung, I lost it and an argument broke out. I asked her call Mike instantly and establish why he was calling in the first place after he was informed that would be rather best if he stays away from Samantha. Anyway, I could hear Mike ask “why shouldn’t I call as if anything happened” At the same time I could also notice that Samantha was not speaking objectively. “Mike you’re on loudspeaker and I’m calling to find out why you were calling”. In anger I decided to speak to Mike personally. I grabbed the phone off Samantha and furiously asked Mike if he’d rather like me to give them space so that they could workout their relationship out but he got all defensive, angry and claimed that we should not muddle him up in our affairs before he hung up.

 

This time around we were visiting Samantha’s family in the same city that Mike unfortunately also happens to live in. We were sleeping when at approximately 02H15 Sunday morning Samantha’s phone rang and it was the same Mike guy. I can only imagine that he’d gone out clubbing and thought why not make a “bootie call” if he is to gone home alone. Another argument…. I smashed Samantha’s MacBook deliberately and walked out. I have a feeling she’d informed him that she was around town.

 

In conclusion, I have decide to convince myself that no matter how much I want this relationship to workout Samantha is just not serious. I have tried to end the relationship on numerous occasions but she always keeps coming at me – my greatest weakness. In all modesty, I know that I am good looking and have a lot of young girls throwing themselves at me. However until such time that I have found somebody decent and serious I am going to play along with Samantha. I will play cool, easy and use her. I have decided that from now on I will use protection as she is totally not trust worthy.

 

As with Mike, I felt that he disrespected me big time when I spoke with him on the phone and he told me that we should not muddle him up in our relationship. It seems like its okay for him to get me mixed up in his “game”?! I feel that he disrespected me because he knows what Samantha and I are dating yet he had the nerves to contact her to the extent that he even requested and accepted freaking nudity pictures from her. Mike, he is a skinny guy and there’s no way he can beat me. Hence wherever I see him, it is gonna be a big one - I am going to beat the out of him for all the pain he caused me.

 

As for Samantha, she must be the dumbest person on earth to be thinking that she can contact Mike secretly and be in denial about it. I think in the long-run she is gonna suffer.

 

What is your opinion?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't kid yourself. As long as you're involved (emotionally, psychically, etc.) with this woman, you're going to be affected by what she does. Don't think that you can just play cool. It's not like that. You're hooked, and she knows it. It's none of my business, but I would suggest cutting her off. You deserve to be with someone decent, and believe me, there are beautiful, honest women out there. Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

By resorting to smashing up her things and getting her to cut people out, you are attempting to control her. Walk away from the relationship, even though you are "using her" you are simply awarding her behaviour in the relationship. She will continue to go behind your back and see Mike if that is where her heart is. You have to take her doing this as her not respecting you, and not deserving you. When you are already snooping through her private things, and finding out that she is lying to you - the solution is not to punish the person she is lying to you about, but to punish her by walking out.

The aim is to prove that she has messed up with a great guy. Not to confirm that the guy she has messed up with is a violent abuser.

Mike owes you nothing, it is her that committed to you, it is her that betrayed you. Why is Mike deserving of violent harassment when she is still deserving of your relationship?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She is not serious about you, and she probably still loves the other guy, maybe their relationship wasn't all that great, but she still keeps him close, maybe just for sex, maybe for confidence boost, if he is still in love with her.

Dump her, and ignore her if she comes back, she uses you and lies to your face, and she already cheated on you - not a good start for a relationship.

Block her everywhere and go NC.

 

Don`t smash her stuff though. I went through that - its not a nice experience. And you have no right to do that. Don`t get physical, be smarter then that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hope you bought her a new MacBook to replace the one you broke. Whatever frustrations you have don't justify destroying someone else's property.

 

If you can't trust her then its best to move on. You talk about how you're a good looking guy who can get other girls so just move on. I don't condone what she has done but you seem pretty confident of your chances with other girls so why sweat the relationship?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My opinion is that you're behaving like a vindictive jerk with anger issues.

 

You had no right to destroy her MacBook! That was her property and it's expensive.

 

If someone makes you that upset then break up with them. Acting psycho and controlling isn't going to ensure that you "win". Whether she gets back together with Mike or not, your relationship with her is already over..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have some anger issues that you need to address asap...calm down before you do something dumb that you will regret. Going to Jail isnt worth it...

 

 

If i was in your shoes, i would walk out and never turn back.... she is still into him some how.. you cant force her to stop talking to him...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In all honesty, all 3 of you were wrong here. Let's start with you: you NEVER ask a partner who they have slept with in a prior relationship. That is none of your business. already right there you are sending a message that you are a posessive control freak and that scares many partners away.

 

Still don't believe you were posessing Samantha? Then what prompted you to go through her phone since you don't pay her phone bill and have ZERO right to go through it without her acknowledgement. Then the snooping on the computer... and during the discussion on speaker phone you grabbed HER cell phone out from her hands. Also, what sensible person deliberately goes out of their way to smash someone's computer?

 

You got some serious anger issues. Your next destination will be prison if you can't control your anger.

 

Be the smarter, better person here by walking away from Mike and Samantha.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My opinion is that you're behaving like a vindictive jerk with anger issues.

 

You had no right to destroy her MacBook! That was her property and it's expensive.

 

If someone makes you that upset then break up with them. Acting psycho and controlling isn't going to ensure that you "win". Whether she gets back together with Mike or not, your relationship with her is already over..

 

Spot on!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My Opinion?

 

It sounds like YOU have a bit of an anger issue. You're lashing out a lot at Samantha re: this guy- where it should really have nothing to do with you, so you're starting to show some real 'control issues' with her.

You've gone into HER private things.. You do NOT trust or respect her and smashed her Macbook? And now, you're calling her 'dumb'.. wow!

Plus- you want to 'play head games'.

 

This does NOT sound mature of you, at all.

 

IF you are not happy- end it! That's it.

And I suggest you think about this 'anger bit' in you. Does not sound good.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...