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right person, wrong time?


rescueme

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So last week I met the most incredible guy. We hit it off right away and both got quite excited. texted all the time, and had 2 dates. On the second date I kissed him - this was his first proper kiss (we're both in our 20s). He went a little quiet for a few days then resurfaced to tell me that he had depression, and he felt that he couldn't continue wth us as he he had too much stuff going on with himself at the moment, couldn't put in enough effort. In addition he was still confused about his feelings for an ex, who had asked to "just be friends for now" he felt he didn't have any closure- she's coming back to this area for uni in a months time, so he said he needs to speak to her and get his head sorted/ get some closure on it all. He also said that with me everything was nice, but he just didn't feel a spark - however that could have been because of all the stuff that's troubling his mind at the moment with regards to stress and the ex - he's not sure.

 

We are so so similar its untrue! So perfectly matched. he told me not to wait for him as he don't know when he will be sorted mentally enough to try again, and things might have changed by then - but he says he's so happy to have me in his life and thinks I'm wonderful...

 

So when this sort of things happens... does it mean that we've had our chance and we can never try again? or is it possible further down the line we might be able to?

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I reckon he is waiting for her to come back for uni in the hope of a recon , not closure .

 

His heart is with her and he likes been friends with you or he wants to keep you on the side lines ...

 

either way , right now he said he didn't feel a spark and that needs to be enough for you to walk on by .

 

as for the future ...hey who knows ...anything can happen

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Sounds to me that he is just not that into you. Do not underestimate the spark thing. Not feeling a spark means that the chemistry is just not there for him. I don't think that this is something that can be changed with time and even if it did, you would be risking being abandoned once he meets someone he does feel a spark for. Waiting for him would be a vert risky investment and a serious waste of your time.

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So when this sort of things happens... does it mean that we've had our chance and we can never try again? or is it possible further down the line we might be able to?

 

I agree he's probably not over his ex and hoping to reconcile there. But in any case, the reasons he's given you are excuses meant to soften the blow and let you down gently -- exes aside, he's just not into you and it's not in your best interest to wait around and hope for something to develop someday in the future.

 

You've only known him a week, walk away. There IS a *right person* out there for you -- don't waste anymore time on this guy!

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Sounds to me that he is just not that into you. Do not underestimate the spark thing. Not feeling a spark means that the chemistry is just not there for him. I don't think that this is something that can be changed with time and even if it did, you would be risking being abandoned once he meets someone he does feel a spark for. Waiting for him would be a vert risky investment and a serious waste of your time.

 

Exactly. He's not that into you. Keep it movin!

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Exactly. He's not that into you. Keep it movin!

 

I guess... thing is though he seemed really keen until he had time to dwell on things (part of his depression is overthinking / cyclical thinking issues) could it not be that he's just not focussing on us because he's still wondering about his ex and panicked that should we start anything he would be unavalible to her if she should magically decide she wants him again?

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I guess... thing is though he seemed really keen until he had time to dwell on things (part of his depression is overthinking / cyclical thinking issues) could it not be that he's just not focussing on us because he's still wondering about his ex and panicked that should we start anything he would be unavalible to her if she should magically decide she wants him again?

 

Really honey, it's been a week. There was no time for him to form a bond to you.

 

I am more concerned about why you are so focused on this guy.

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I guess... thing is though he seemed really keen until he had time to dwell on things (part of his depression is overthinking / cyclical thinking issues) could it not be that he's just not focussing on us because he's still wondering about his ex and panicked that should we start anything he would be unavalible to her if she should magically decide she wants him again?

 

I agree with darcy woman , you have only met him a week ago and with all respect there will be so much going on under the surface here that I think you are jumping the gun a bit trying to understand his thinking and his behaviour .

 

do you really want to be the one that fills the space until his ex returns ... can you imagine what a relationship with him will be like ....you now have the information that he is in love with her , you will be a nervous wreck trying to get close to someone whose heart is elsewhere .....then when she comes back ? It makes me wince thinking about how hurt you could get .

 

don't allow yourself to be someones distraction .

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A week is an incredibly short period of time to get to know someone. Cut your losses and move on. Believe me, I have been in a similar situation (minus the ex part and the relationship lasted a couple of months). The guy was just not into me but I was SO convinced that he was the one that I spent a long time pining away after him. He went on to date other people and I found it really difficult to let go. The sooner you let this go the better! Don't repeat my mistakes.

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