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Boss has been harassing me; confronting him. NEED HELP


Shylight

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Hi everyone, I apologize if this gets long.

 

I work as a recreation assistant in a nursing home - from the beginning I have been trouble with my supervisor. Examples:

 

-During my two interviews he told me it would be 11$ an hour, while he only pays be 10$. When I asked him about this he said "No, I said between 10 and 11." (This is a lie, I clearly remember him telling me 11$

 

-I would get 40 hrs a week (True I am scheduled to be there 40 hrs a week, but with our breaks I am only given 37.5 hours of paid work a week)

 

My facility is a very homely type of community - it is a STANDARD that associates are allowed to share snacks with the residents. Meaning, if we want to grab bag of cookies and sit down and talk with one or a group - we are allowed

 

Often times I forget to eat breakfast and would usually a few things from the snack tray and eat them while I worked with residents. For the first two months my boss would make teasing comments such as "How do you keep your weight down? you eat all the time!" to "Does your boyfriend lock you up in a cage and starve you, because your always eating." or "you eat and drink way too much."

 

For two months he did this, until I asked to have a class if lemonade off the drink cart, and right in front of a group of residents he said "No, Raquel, you are not allowed to do that. You eat and drink way to much here, do you not know it's a privilege that we can have food here? No More."

 

So I thought, Ok maybe he thinks I just take too much of the food our facility provides so I'll just bring my own."

 

...and he still pulled me aside and gave me the same BS - only this time he says "You can't do your job properly, if you always have a snack or drink with you than your working single handed."

 

I decided to open up to my boss and mention that I had previously suffered with an eating disorder to which he BLEW UP AT ME. He said "I can't believe you would say that, I can't believe you would try and blame me for this." he very visibly upset walked out for a moment, gathered his thoughts, came back in and said "You better watch the daggers you throw at people, we don't play games here, and trying to seek pity isn't going to work." he was very hostile.

 

I tried explaining that I only mentioned my history with an eating disorder so he would understand why the topic of food was so sensitive to me - and only after accusing me of playing games with him twice more did he apologize and admit he shouldn't have done that.

 

This boss regularity shows favoritism with the other three under his command. He gets onto me about my uniform, yet the other three get to wear mostly what they want. He isnt allowed to get onto them.)

 

It has gotten to the point where I no longer feel comfortably coming to work because I am so afraid he will get onto me like he has the past three months. I feel singled out, and will be taking it up in a meeting with his suoervisor. I have already gone to her, and she wants to have a meeting with we three.

 

I am very scared, and do not know how it will go. He is manipulative and will try and make everything my fault. Does anyone else have history confronting a boss? I would deeply appreciate any advice!

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I had a blow up with my boss 2 weeks ago. I have been in my job and I've witnessed the following from her:

 

1) Malicious gossip about everyone in my office. She is quite a strong woman but for some reason she chooses to back stab rather than tell people what she thinks of them to their face. It puzzles me a lot.

 

2) Bullying - Frequent threats to give people warnings or fire them for stupid reasons.

 

3) Lies - She'll play people off against one another by feeding half-truths intermingled with lies to get people to mistrust each other.

 

So to get to my confrontation with her two weeks ago. I am her unofficial 2IC so its up to me to train the staff, handle issue accounts etc. So about 6 weeks ago she comes to me and says that I have to start telling her about team issues as it makes me look weak and unprofessional. I didn't swallow everything she said but she is our manager and I agreed she needed to know the issues that arose so I started identifying key things that staff needed to learn. Anyway fast forward to 3 weeks ago and she tells another guy in the team not to trust me as I talk about him with her and basically that I'm a malicious gossip (the irony in that amuses me when I think about it lol). What she didn't bank on though was that he'd come to me and tell me but he did in fact he wanted to apologise if he'd offended me in any way. I was horrified and then I got mad so what I did was sit on it a couple of days and waited for her to give me an open to discuss what she did and sure enough it came.

 

She was whining about the incompetency of her team and I told her they were hard working and yeah they made mistakes but that it didn't mean they weren't valuable. I told her she needs to have more faith in them. I wasn't included in this little whinge session because I have both a high work rate and accuracy rate. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to work. Anyway she scoffed at that and I told her she doesn't trust her team which isn't good. She then told me she can't trust anyone to which I retorted well what makes you think your team can trust you either. And then I used her indiscretion in telling the guy in our team not to trust me. She tried to back peddle and say that she told him not to trust others in our area. I wasn't wearing it though. I called her out on her BS. I basically told her that she was a malicious gossip, in everyone's business without good cause, untrustworthy, a liar, unprofessional, disloyal and that she didn't have my respect. I also told her that any issues that came up in the team from now on would be sorted by myself and that I wouldn't be sharing them with her. Her reply to that was "fine, I don't want to know the issues anyway" and she told me that the rest of the things I said about her were my opinion but I told her that they were FACT and that I could document each case point and come up with an example for each.lol. And for good measure I went to our boss who is above her and told her everything!! See, I spent the first year sitting back and doing nothing. Every time she picked on me or other members in the team I let it slide. It's just that after the first year I started growing more courage and then I would start contradicting her on things I knew she was wrong about and she started to resent it. Anyway to end this story the big boss sided with me (I really am a good worker and I don't complain for the sake of complaining) as she knows what type of worker/personality I have. And my manager got reprimanded.

 

Here are things that will help:

 

1)Document instances where you feel like he is bullying you or saying inappropriate things. Write it down. Now let me be clear here. Don't raise every little grievance you have against him as you might come accross as being too sensitive. Have 4 or 5 incidents listed where you can showcase his unreasonableness.

 

2) Have a solution to the issues. When one of the workers in my team bring up an issue with me I always ask them what they think we can do to resolve it. I like people who problem solve and can demonstrate a willingness to fix issues. It shows me they aren't just whiners but genuine about getting to the root cause of an issue.

 

3) Don't let emotion get to you. I know it might sound like I was pretty emotional when I was going at it with my manager but to be honest I kept my voice at an even level and I spoke to her in a professional manner even when I was calling her untrustworthy and mean-spirited haha. I adopted a more matter of fact tone. And everything I said about her was right so it's not as if I was being accusatory without merit.

 

4) Be well prepared. This is self explanatory.

 

Anyway these are just a few suggestions for you to consider. Good luck! Don't stress too much. Always think to yourself that you're doing this with the idea of creating a healthier work environment for yourself and also others that work with your boss. Employers won't get as much quality work out of their team if they're stressed and upset so a good employer will recognize the need to look after them.

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Not sure how long you've been working there? But he sounds like you two are married or something! Saying way too much- out of his league!

At your meeting, explain the food incident ONLY the one where he went at you, personally, and where you 'tried' to explain your issue to him- re: food.

Explain that you're trying your best but that you feel he is pointing his finger at you way too much, when you think there isn't a real issue involved.

 

Just work on keeping your facts straight & to the point. IF he 'tries' to remove blame & reverse and things go sour? I'd write her a personal note about his behavior, like you mentioned here. Explaining everything. (and that you feel he is manipulative- but deserve respect)

You do have the right to be heard...especially if you feel you're being singled out here.

 

IF he gets nasty or doesn't change within cpl months after your meeting, I'd look at moving on from those premises.

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