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He can't keep it up, is there a way I can help?


vix8

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So I've been seeing this new guy recently for about a month and a half. We've finally had sex a few times, problem is he can't "keep it up". I'm not extremely bothered by it because he eats me out amazingly, but I do crave penetration as I have a very abnormal high sex drive. I can tell he's getting upset at himself and embarrassed, and I don't say anything that would make him more humiliated. I say things like "it happens to everyone including me, sometimes I'm aroused but I can't get wet." Then I tell him how amazing he eats me out. First he blamed it on nerves, then said I'm too good looking that I can't get it up, and then condoms (because he was in a serious relationship for 2 years and they never wore condoms), now he's just blaming it on the condom saying he has to get used to it again. He hasn't worn one for like 2 years, because of his ex gf. I've noticed the only time he can get an erection is when he's eating me out, 69, if I squirt, give him a bj, or grind on him in cowgirl position. We've only had sex in cowgirl if he manages to keep it up while putting on the condom. It's that moment when he puts on the condom all of a sudden he goes limp, and then he has to eat me out again to get hard, even though I've already came that way and I just want penetration next. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm not sure what to do to help, and help him feel less awkward. He said he might look into Viagra.. but I was kind of worried about him taking that pill at 22 years old. I've asked him what turns him on the most, and it's what were already doing. I've also tried using encouraging words while being intimate, just like commenting on his physical attributes, and saying how good he is at getting me off. Any other suggestions, I don't really know how to encourage a man in bed? He also has mild OCD with having stuff on his finger tips.. so I feel bad asking about fingering for penetration. Also he is a daily pot smoker, which I'm aware could be a problem. Should I even bother to bring that up? Also could it be that I just came on way too strong, and he is nervous about pleasing me because of my high sex drive? Because I definitely don't hold back during intimacy. I've tried toning it down though, and that didn't really help.

 

I don't know what to do. I guess I'm just trying to understand what the real problem is, because I feel like guys might lie and use excuses because they are embarrassed. Any advice on how to fix this would be great. I really like this guy, and sex isn't my biggest concern, but I do know when there is a problem in the bedroom, things can go wrong in the relationship, and I want to avoid that.

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You could both go to a family planning/gum clinic, and get tested for STIs together.. So that you know you're both clean.

You could then go onto the contraceptive pill, or an implant...

Then condoms will not be an issue? See if that is the actual cause.

 

It may be due to performance anxiety. & that he feels he may not live up to your expectations.

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i think if you continue to be encouraging (like you said, it happens to every one), and just enjoy the other stuff you are doing, hopefully in a few weeks, he'll feel more relaxed and have less performance anxiety. if it's still a problem in a month or two, maybe some viagra might help.

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There's no way I'm going on the birth control pill again, it messed up my head and body. I'm too afraid to use any birth control meant for women, as I don't trust it, and I kinda don't trust most pills in general. And I'm not comfortable having unprotected sex, even if I was on the pill I still wouldn't.

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I think you are right about the condom thing though. There's definitely a huge difference in feeling for guys when no condom is used, so getting used to that will take some time. I also think seeing as it has happened once, he will now be subconsciously (or consciously) worrying about it happening again which can also cause it to go down.

 

He is using different excuses because he probably believes them himself, as long as he has reasons for it happening in his head, then he doesn't have to admit to anyone, including himself, that something is wrong with him.

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