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Please help... I need some advice


madisonjade

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I'm out of places to turn, and I need some advice. First off I want to say I know I've made mistakes. I'm not looking to be judged because believe me, I've done plenty of judging and criticizing of myself already. I'm in this situation and I regret every detail that's led me here. But, here I am.

 

I'm a 22 year old girl. I guess that's important. I was with this guy. He was amazing. We were together for 2.5 years, and broke up about 7 months ago. I thought we were going to get married and be together forever. I really did. But then, I had a meltdown and made mistakes. I had a way-too-early life-crisis, because I was terrified of the future. I was terrified of graduating college and getting a job and starting a life. I was scared. I met this other guy. I didn't like him at first in any way other than friends. But we talked a lot and... well long story short, it broke me and my ex up. Then I ended up dating this new guy. However, this guy went away a little while ago. He's coming back in 20 days. Shortly after starting to see this guy, I sorted my life out and got over my miniature breakdown, and I've spent pretty much every day since shortly after starting to date this guy (every day since figuring myself out) missing my ex. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him or think about him. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how easy it would be to slip back into my life with him. And not a day goes by where I don't think... what have I done? I've been trying to give it time, to see if it was just a temporary thing. But I've been in a downward spiral.

 

My ex told me, when we were breaking up, to talk to him once I've figured things out for myself. But... would he ever forgive me?

 

My question is... do I really miss him? I have looked into similar situations that others have gone through and people tell them that they only miss the memories and times spent with their ex, not actually their ex. But I can't help but feel like I still love him. I mean, I KNOW I will always love him. But do I miss him, or our amazing time together?

 

And part of me thinks... this is my own fault and now I have to deal with the consequences. I don't deserve my ex back. He was nothing but wonderful to me. He really was the best guy I could have dreamed of. But ... what's the saying? "I made my bed and now I have to lay in it." I deserve this...

 

And part of me wonders as well... do I only miss my ex so much because my new boyfriend has been away? Will that change once he is with me again? Am I just lonely? I mean, sure, I started missing my ex BEFORE my current boyfriend went away. But I'm sure being alone is adding to it. Right?

 

This new guy really is great and I don't want to give him up if this is just a passing phase. I don't want to make another mistake. But I've given these feelings so much time to go away, and they just aren't. Some days are worse than others. But it's always there. I just don't know how to sort through all of these feelings.

 

So, I'm asking for your help. I don't know what to do. Please, I need advice.

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1. Have you truly investigated the roots of your "breakdown"? Can you honestly say that you are feeling emotionally stable enough to be a good partner now?

 

2. You will never be able to slip back into the old life with your ex, because that life is gone. It was transformed when you two broke up.

 

3. What, specifically, about your ex AS A PERSON do you miss? Might be helpful to make a list or something.

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