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Ex boyfriend contact and wife stayed at his house


wengweng

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I am hoping to get some other opinions about my situation. I am feeling very lost and hoping someone can give me honest insight into my situation.

 

My wife is really good friends with her Ex boyfriends sister. So when her friend turned 30 i had no issues with her going out to celebrate her 30th knowing all to well that her ex would be there( i had no issues with trust at this point). That night she ended up going back to their house and staying the night. I found this a bit weird but didnt question it.

 

6 months on i happened to accidentally come accross a message from my wifes ex to her on facebook. " Hi XXXXX, i know this is bad but do you want to meet up?

 

a flood of throughts came about and i asked her about it which of course she denys anything. I ask her to delete him from facebook (you shouldnt be in contact with ex, thats why they are ex right) she agrees but not before changing all her facebook passwords so i cant access - on the same day?>

 

I am hoping someone can give me some direction here. Currently i feel like i have lost trust and need to end the relationship

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This is your wife huh??? Nice wife...

Sometimes this online access is just a bit too much! Way too easy to get life screwed up!

 

I would wonder WHY & What they'd be doing 'meeting up'? Hmmmmmm.

Do you feel you can't trust her anymore? Not sure how long u have been together.. how long it was after her relation w/him?

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its actually complicated than what i mentioned. He was her first - they broke up we got together, we broke up they got together, they broke up and we got back together we have been together now for 6 years.

 

i know that she didnt write the message to him - but i feel that she had to of alluded to something for him to be confident to write a message like that. i also feel that she had to change her facebook passwords ect to hide something from me. She ays its for privacy.

 

yeah this is my wife - i actually caught her with another woman in a shower before we got married still cheating though right?

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I don't know if you should end your marriage based on this... I mean has she given you any other reasons to think she might have cheated with her ex? If she is good friends with the sister of her ex then it is reasonable, thought not entirely appropriate, to assume that she went back with the sister to continue the celebrations? Or was there an after-party for the 30th at their house? I also wouldn't think much of her changing her passwords as I might be inclined to do that if my partner was snooping through my private messages simply for the sake of having my own privacy.

 

Of course there is the issue of her cheating on you with a woman before... cheating is cheating. Like mhowe said, I think marriage counselling is the way to go.

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Regardless of the hopping back and forth b/w the two of you, she is your wife so you should give her the benefit of the doubt (but don't be totally blinded- pay attention to the bread crumbs she drops).

 

I'm a girl and from experience, when an ex messaged me asking to meet up, I deleted it. I had never had intentions on doing so and never contacted him previously. This guy had just out of the blue messaged me.

 

Maybe feelings were stirred up at your wife's friends birthday.

You said her friend was 30. Weird that she'd stay the night for being that old. Do you know her ex was there at the house? Or they live together? I honestly wouldn't stand that if my boyfriend spent the night at his friends house who he used to have friends for his sister.

 

Just saying.

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How was it that you came accross the message in the first place? Did you two have access to each other's FB accounts or did you go into hers because she'd left it up on the computer screen?

 

If you'd had the password to begin with, then she had to have known that you could have read anything she'd written or received at any time, so her changing her password now is highly suspicious and a spouse who is trustworthy and not up to no good would have no reason to do this. I'd tell you differently if you were girlfriend/boyfriend, but as spouses, there is no reasonable expectation of privacy on a common-use computer in the household.

 

Her going out with her girlfriend for her birthday--on its face, no red flag. Spending the night because she didn't want to drive home under the influence--on its face, no red flag. But him sending her a message to get together and her doing all of this skullduggery to keep you in the dark about what she's up to, consider the past involving the 3 of you--red flags are being hoisted up the mast, my friend. It tells me that she may have had sex with him or at the very least became intimately inappropriate with him.

 

I would demand transparency from her and if she balked, then I would take that as a sure signal that she is on the precipice of cheating if she hasn't gone over the edge of it.

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