Regaining Her Trust After Messing Up Big Time

[Sarien]

ello everyone,

 

I have been in a relationship with Audrey for about 3-4 months now. What you need to know about it, is that we have had some history before. We kissed now and then and even made love a few times before we "officially" became a couple. Both of us have had serious long-term relationships before.

 

Audrey is very temperamental. Most of our relationship has been filled with minor arguments, make-up sex and so on. You get the picture. She likes to communicate with her guy friends (she has a lot of them) in a flirty manner which as you can imagine somewhat bothers me.

 

In the last few weeks things have been getting better and better. I could see she was really starting to love me and the same went for me. But then her birthday party this Friday happened. She warned me that there would be other guys and she will dance with them and hug them a lot but told me that I have nothing to worry about and that she wants only me. I told her that everything will be fine. But it wasnt.

 

The party started great. We drank a lot, joked and just had a great time. I was starting to get really drunk though. Then I saw her running outside. I was wondering what happened, so I followed her. I saw her walking with one of her guy friends on the street, holding hands. Then they stopped and they were in each others arms (they were quite far so I couldnt see them very well). I stopped thinking, ran over there and grabed her as the guy was leaving. She got mad and told me she was only saying goodbye and that I am crazy for being so jealous.

 

I wanted to talk about it, but she didnt so I did the worst thing possible - started talking about it with my friends there. From there on it just went straight to hell. At one other point I supposedly (I was so drunk I do not remember) shouted at her, accusing her of wanting other guys while she was crying. Then I almost got into a fight with one of her friends. She left the party, telling me I ruined her birthday and that she thinks she USED TO love me.

 

I messed up. Big time. And now I dont know what to do and if she will ever be able to forgive me. I have already apologized the best I could in texts but she doesnt want to see me in person now. If you have any advice I would be very grateful. Please help. Thank you.

 

Ian

[Rmbrmelover]

Alcohol fueling a situation of jealousy is never a good mix. I understand you jealousy, it natural to feel that way when you hold feelings for someone and you feel somewhat betrayed. I'm not sure what to tell you accept that you should tell her your sorry and that you understand her feelings about the previous night. This ones going to kill you after that, I'd give her some time to think and see how she feels after. She probably understands you have strong feelings for her, bu listen getting boozed up and jealous isn't helping your cause. You need to b confident in yourself and be your authentic self, women are attracted to that confidence. Don't let her flirty nature bother you, if it does though to a point of jealous rage maybe she isn't the best match for you, but again I don't know you two I just know what you told me

[SooSad33]

Sorry you've messed up here... and w/ alcohol involved.

No- probably wasn't a good move.. w/ the drinking and those actions. But it has been done.

You've only been involved a few mos and she did warn you...

 

Now- we wonder.. IS she more into that guy more than she's saying? Who knows...

Best thing for YOU to do now is back off for a bit and give her, her deserved space & respect.

IF you are important enough to her, she will eventually get back to you to talk things out. For now, don't bug her.

 

Pls be honest with yourself. Are YOU a really jealous type? Are you overly jealous? If so, then maybe YOU shld seek some help in this department- some counselling to help deal with your own issues?

Not sure of your bkground? But maybe you somehow moved on too quickly from a previous relation.. or are left with damages from a past relation to have you act out this way?

 

Think about this.. because, if this is how you will act with others. there'll be more problems, again in your future, should you not be 'stable' enough in your relationships, leading to something like this, again...

tc

[ThatwasThen]

You are with a girl that feeds her self-worth through the attention of men.. lots of them. She is treating them like she treated you before you two decided to try being gf/bf. Its not working out for you because she is untrustworthy. It's hard to trust someone who is untrustworthy. A good woman will not leave a party with another man to hug him goodbye while leaving her partner at the party to wonder where the heck she's going in such a hurry. A good partner wouldn't do that to her proposed LIFEmate. You're not her proposed LIFEmate then because she's yet to give up her ways for you.

 

You've only been (supposedly) exclusive for a short while. My advice is for you to get out now before she wrecks you for good with her need for attention of other men. She's lousy relationship material at the moment and she brings the worse out in you. You want someone that brings the best out in you because she shows you that you are her priority... someone who doesn't need to leave you at a party while she runs to be hugged by another guy.

 

Be good to yourself and get away from her.

 

You didn't mess up at all. She did but she successfully was able to turn the tables around on you to make you think you're in the wrong. You.Are.Not.

[Kendahke]

Stop drinking. You can't control yourself when you're drunk. I hope you didn't get behind the wheel of a car and drive after that.

 

As for Audrey, leave her be. You messed up big, big time. You had no idea if her friend was relaying to her some heavy issue he was going through as he was talking to her. You assumed through your insecurity that automatically, she was wanting to go be with him.

 

Your relationship may be done. I'd certainly be done with you after that performance. There would be nothing you could say to me now after embarrassing me in front of all my friends.

 

You and Audrey are incompatible and you keep trying to force the fit. That wont' work out. It never does. A relationship that has compatible partners isn't one the breaks up repeatedly like yours does. Instead of trusting her when she told you that she only wants you, you threw in with your insecurity and that gave you exactly what you wanted: to be right in your own mind about what your insecurity thought was going on, but wasn't.

[ThatwasThen]

Well for your own emotional well being i hope she never contacts you again,op.

 

As i said, her behavior, her need for male attention brings out the worst in you. Find someone who doesnt need a bunch of guys around her. One who will respect the relationship with you.

And not be running off to hug anyone privately

[Kendahke]

Your relationship isn't compatible. She can't be who you need in order for you to feel secure and you can't be who she needs in order to not feel smothered. It's senseless to even try to get back with her.