Feeling sad...Have we just lost the spark or is this curable ?

[danny444]

Its been a beautiful relationship,but the spark that was initially there seems to have been lost. Can someone's past really have a strong influence on their present and future relationships ? After asking her about her past, I just got depressed with all things that she has done with other men. I seem to suffer from retroactive jealousy and just can't seem to get over her past. Without going into details and making this post long, I think I have kinda lost respect for her for FWB and other things that she has done casually. I only have done 5% of stuff she has done and maybe this is creating a problem or maybe hurting my ego or pride (unfortunately I have to accept it).

 

Can retroactive jealousy really be overcomed ?

Why do I feel inferior when it comes to physical compatibility ? The answer maybe her wild experiences before but the mental images kill me. It also crops when I get intimate with her. ALmost after every session, I tend to get depressed.

All she has to say is "I can't do anything about it. Get over it"

 

The thing is she is the perfect girl every guy will desire and she has been honest with me totally (I really really appreciate this). But,maybe she revealing too many details has killed me inside. Its been 7 months and I am unable to get over this. There's a day when I wake up and feel "fk the past man,she is with me today and she is the perfect girl I desire" and there is another day when I feel pathetic and deeply hurt and find it difficult to sleep.This has to do with my conservative upbringing as well.

 

I know I only have 2 choices :

 

1) Stay with her. The difficult things are : her glorious past,mental images,her immature behaviour at times, our differences in personality (she is way too outgoing and I am way too reserved). Her idea of spending good time- hit the disc,booze and have some fun. I am the complete opposite. Sex for her is fun,whereas for me it is making love.

 

2) Move on. This is also difficult considering our emotional involvement and its easy to say there are a lot of fishes in the sea,but in a way we do feel we compliment each other. I sometimes think a lot of this coz if I can't see the beautiful soul and will just be judgemental,then maybe she deserves someone who will appreciate her.

 

I stick to option 1,then feel like going with option 2. Then when we both find it difficult,we stick with option 1 and the cycle continues....

[missmarple]

I think that, sooner or later, one of you will end the relationship. Apart from her past, it seems like you're different people, too.

[Iggles]

I agree. You two sound too different. Incompatible.

 

You don't share the same values regarding physical intimacy.

You don't share the same ideas of "fun".

 

Next time, don't ask a girl about her past sexual experiences unless you can handle her answers. A girl who shares your ideas on "making love" is more likely to have similar sexual past to your own. A wild, party girl generally will not.

[Rmbrmelover]

I'm not going to say it so t work, with that said, you need to stop worrying about it. She didn't end up with those guys, she ended up with you, and now is your chance to show her who you are, and its not attractive to sit there ruminating on how she was with others. One sure fire way to start to kill a relationship is to drag your old dead ones into the new one to stink it all up. The past is gone and the future holds nothing yet, all you have is now so get to it man.

[SooSad33]

Sometimes opposites attract. BUT sometimes it can clash too, I guess.

Do you think she's too 'outgoing'? Does she seem to enjoy her time with you? Do YOU feel like it's worth going any further now- with it being 7 mos.

 

Guess you shldn't have asked about her past. Some things we just dont 'need' to know- as to how it's affecting you.

But I agree, IF things are this bad for you now, over something like this- where it's affecting your moods/sleep etc, then maybe you shld move along.

 

But. you shld always take note. Sometimes people have been 'curious' in their past. Sometimes they were 'young & stupid', when younger. You can't always pin the facts against them.. especially IF they have changed.

Has she?