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Advice on how to go about my situation


Opsurfer

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Okay, I posted my story before but I need some direct advice so...

Here is the story: We were married for 12 years we have 3 boys together all under 12. We went through some really rough financial times, I admit that I did drink alot, and after the split even more. I was a mess, but then I decided to wake up. I have been sober now for 1 year, I feel great and have a new career. Now I see my ex because of the kids all the time, prior to getting this new job I had no contact with her for 3 months. I was working in Alaska. So now I came back new job, new lifestyle and attitude. I went over to see my kids and my ex and I just decided that I was still in love with her, I am crazy about the kids, and really want to make things work out for the group as a whole. I came back into the scene in the beginning of October, she was seeing a guy for a while before I came into the scene and she stopped seeing him a few weeks ago. So I have been going over taking care of the boys, helping her around her house, at first she was saying she did not want to hang out with me, but recently she been talking with me, shopping together, going to the park with the kids, and having dinners all together. Now I told her directly that I was in love with her and wanted to be her man again. The guy she was seeing lives down the street, so i asked her if she was still seeing him or interested I don't want to be around, she told me no that it was over. So I have some jealous issues going, and I hate feeling this way.

I really want to be a family again with her and would like her to love me, I just need advice on how to go about doing this?

 

I complement her often and tell her I love her but no in a begging way just matter of factly, I am kind and generous and put a good foot forward.

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Be patient. You've already laid your cards on the table so it's now up to her to make a decision in her own time.

 

By the way all the help you've been giving her and your boys is what you should be doing. You don't score brownie points for doing something that should come instinctively. It's your responsibility to take care of them.

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I think you are on the right path man. You singled out your mistakes, made some serious changes and are now committed to being a solid father and partner. She seemed distant when you first came back but if she's taking you out with her and stuff she is clearly giving you a chance and sort of testing your changes. I wouldn't force it too much though. Keep doing what your doing, play it cool, if you made those serious changes they will show through automatically. Jealousy is a natural feeling to have but again, you can't control how she feels, all you can do is do what you are doing and hope she's getting those sparks back and feelings for you. Good luck man

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You have made her aware of your interest in her once again- but you have to take this slowly...

Especially with fact of trying to re-build your relationship. Most likely like starting over. How about a date night?

Do NOT always be around and in her face, as she now has to work on getting over the other guy- not sure how long they were together?

 

Also, with that in mind, you have to deal with that issue as well- the jealousy part.

YOU need to accept you two haven'y been together in a while, so of course, she kept on living.

BUT, since she's saying they arent together anymore.. you need to try & let this go.. or your jealousy can ruin what you are trying to get going again.

 

IF she is going to agree to see you again & work on things. There has to be much understanding, respect and trust involved.. as you're attempting round 2 now.

So- if any doubts.. maybe you're not ready (emotionally/mentally etc). Then i suggest you do not go full force into this yet.

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