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Hi, my ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago because he says he has a lot of things in his mind. I know he still loves me because his mom talked to my mom and said that he is extremley sad he lost a lot of weight to the point he had to get new clothes and that every time they mention my name he starts to cry. His mom is really shocked because he had never cried over girl. I had a great 2 year relationship we always had each other he was my team and my right hand. He was always there for me even when i found myself in situations like when i was dealing with a friend who became a bullimic and i was devasteded. He was there when i got out of my house for a month because the situation with my family is really complicated. He sang to me when i had my molars removed and cooked me dinner, he was never a jerk to me and his friends both guys and girls were great to me. My friends really liked him, even know they think he is a great person. until the very end he opened the door for me, he treated me amazing and i know we had our fights but looking back, the fights we had were stupid. We never cheated, we never talked bad about the other etc. He was always there for me and i promised him i was going to be there for him when he most needed it which is right now. For a moment i expected the typical things you expect from your ex: to find out he says you are crazy or that he is so over you, but people say he talks wonders about me that im a great person and stuff, and I to have never said a bad thing because we are both mature. I wrote him a letter and gave it to him he cried when he read it and said right now really was not a good time so i thought maybe he no longer loved me, but then like i said his mom told my mom he wants to marry me one day that he loves me but he got scared of how serious things were going because he is only 22 and was not expecting to find me until later on. I dont want to marry him i never mentioned it, I want to finish college then have my own place and stuff but i want him by my side also. I want him to understand that im never going to put myself between him and his dreams, all i want is to be the person he talks to at the end of the day so he can tell me everything he did. I would walk away is the easy thing to do, walk away party with my friends forget him and meet someone new, but relationships are not easy they are complicated and you have to go through the good stuff and the bad stuff and if this is the worst it can get between the two of us then I truly know he is the one i want. What can i do to make him see this?

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Nothing. You can't make him do anything he isn't inclined to do already for himself. He has made a decision that for now, even though it's painful, he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Until the day he calls/comes around and says to you "I'm sorry for putting you through this, I want my life with you back. Will you come back to me?", you're going to have to accept that this is how things are and you need to pick up and get on with your life. Your mothers are not going to get you two back together--he's a grown man who has a will of his own, not a little boy who does what mommy says.

 

It's not a matter of you "letting" anything happen. It's a matter of him deciding for himself without outside manipulation or coercion. If he doesn't come to the decision of his own volition, he will be gone again for the very reasons that broke you two up initially.

 

Get on with your life. If he comes around in time and you're inclined, you can rebuild your relationship.

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of course the last thing i want is to manipulate him i respect him, it was easier to move on when i thought he did not love me anymore but finding out ( my mom and his mom talk because they were friends before i started dating him is not like i asked her to do so) any ways finding out he never stopped loving me and knowing he is in pain is really makin things harder for me. Like i said i dont want to stop him from following his dreams i want to support him and hold his hand when he acomplishes them, i do not want to hold him back i just wished he realized he can live his life with me by his side with no pressures just someone to give him support.

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One important thing that you need to understand is that he knows how to reach out to you, how to contact to if he truly wants to. He is not doing that. So it really doesn't matter if he thinks highly of you or if he is mourning the end, the problem is that he is not looking to come back.

 

Having said, I don't like to live with regrets. So perhaps reach out to him and explain to him what you said here - that you are not looking for marriage, want to finish college, etc. Calmly explain to him what perhaps should have been communicated before and then leave him alone to decide what he wants to do. I wouldn't hold my breath, but at least you won't have to look back and forever wonder what if.

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It doesn't matter how great you guys were together. I know this hurts. But something is keeping him from you. And you can't anything to make him want to be with you. He may come back, he may not. But you should plan for not.

 

The best thing you can do is give him space, and more space, and more space. Give him all of the space in the world. Let him figure his stuff out.

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